The Town in Reverse
by Arriva
Summary: Even in an alternate universe, the message remains the same: trust no one. Gideon Gleeful arrives to Gravity Falls expecting a perfectly predictable summer with his best friend Pacifica Northwest. Instead he finds one mysterious journal, two sinister twins, and enough secrets to unravel the sleepy Oregon town. (Reverse Falls AU)
1. Summertime Madness - Part I

**A/N: So before the story starts, I just wanted to go over a few things! This _is_ a Reverse Falls fic, but it's a very loose interpretation. Biggest change is Gideon keeps his last name and likewise Dipper and Mabel are still Pines. I can't explain why without giving away spoilers, but there is a reason for it! **

**This is also an episodic story, with each "episode" being split into two parts. So this first chapter would like the pilot episode. There's an arc, but it develops pretty gradually. And that's all! I hope you enjoy the story!**

* * *

Summer vacation. A time to relax. A time to travel. A time to forget about the crushing weight of school. Most kids returned from their summer vacations with exciting stories of the interesting places they'd been to. The most exciting thing that would happen to Gideon Gleeful would probably be a mosquito bite.

Two days ago, Gideon packed his bags and got in his dad's truck for a ride up to Gravity Falls, Oregon. And for the next three months, Gravity Falls was where Gideon would be spending his summer. Doing what, he didn't know yet. Probably helping his dad out. Hopefully not dying of boredom.

As the Gleeful truck zoomed down the Oregon back roads, Gideon stared out the window wondering how much Gravity Falls had changed since he'd been there. He was seven years old the last time he'd set foot in the small town, and he barely remembered what it was like. A lot could have changed in three years.

The road definitely hadn't changed. Gideon hadn't even seen another car since his dad had pulled off the highway. Surrounded on both sides by trees, Gideon couldn't help but think if he and his dad got stranded, no one would be there to rescue them.

"Dad?"

A man of Southern manners and poor fashion taste, Bud Gleeful was more focused on the road than his son. Gideon's voice shook Bud out of his driver's daze. "Yes?"

"What happens if we get lost?" Gideon asked.

Always indulgent, Bud said, "Then we can always follow the stars! You may not remember this, Gideon, but out here the nights are so clear you can see the entire sky!"

"Is that why Mom liked coming up here?" Gideon said.

The mention of his mother immediately brought the mood in the car down. Bud quietly replied, "Yes. She did."

With any chances of conversation dashed, the two settled back into silence. Gideon sunk a little further into the car seat and went back to watching the trees fly by. They were close enough now that they had to be driving straight through the Gravity Falls forest. Even though Gideon had grown substantially taller since the last visit, the trees still loomed imposingly overhead. Their shadows seemed to be reaching out to him, waiting to snatch him up...

To Gideon's relief, the Gravity Falls welcome sign appeared on the horizon. That meant they were only a few miles away from the Craft Shack. Not so much crafty as it was touristy, the Craft Shack was part gift shop, part summer home, and full-on tourist trap. Gideon couldn't recall the details of his summers spent in the Craft Shack, but he remembered customers coming in and out while he played with the merchandise.

He also remembered playing _with_ someone. A girl a few years older than him. What was her name? Gideon remembered he giggled when she introduced herself because her name sounded funny. But for the life of him, he couldn't remember it. Did she still live in Gravity Falls?

The truck slowed and turned onto a familiar back road. Gideon supposed he would find out.

* * *

The Shack stood just as they'd left it, curtains drawn and a hand-stitched, "See You Next Summer!" sign hanging on the front door. It was as if three years had only been a few days.

With Gideon behind him, Bud unlocked the front door. It gently creaked open like an old friend welcoming them back. The light from the sunset poured into the gift shop, basking everything in a warm glow. A fine layer of dust coated the entire gift shop. Otherwise, not an item was out of place. Without any customers though, the Craft Shack was quiet, like a creature still in hibernation. Gideon and Bud may have returned to the Craft Shack, but they may as well have been strangers.

Gideon made his way through packed boxes. Gideon still remembered the way to his bedroom, but he may as well have been walking through someone else's house. His mind registered that yes, this was where he'd lived, but so much time had passed.

Once Gideon reached the stairs, he flipped the light switch. However, the lights in the Shack remained off. Gideon turned back toward the gift shop and yelled, "Dad, I don't think the lights are working!"

"Oh! I forgot I left the fuse box off!" Bud yelled back. "Wait here while I go outside and switch it on!"

"You're leaving!?"

"I'll only be outside for a few minutes! Holler if you need me!"

"But what if-" His dad was probably well out the door by now. Gideon backed away from the stairs. He couldn't possibly go up now, not when the steps lead to darkness.

Even worse, the panic set in. The sun was going down and the rest of the Shack was getting darker. Minute by minute, the shadows were getting bigger. Gideon was frozen, trying to stay calm but counting every second his dad was gone. Soon Gideon wouldn't be able to see anything. What if he got lost and never found a way out of the Shack? What if he hit his head on something and fell through a crack in the floor?

In his peripheral vision, Gideon saw movement. He staggered away from the stairs toward the gift shop. He had to get back to the light; the light would keep him safe. But he wasn't fast enough. A shadow charged from the dark and leapt on top of him.

Gideon screamed. Then the lights came on.

It wasn't a monster or a ghost on top of him. It was a goat.

The goat bleated and trotted away. Gideon lay on the floor, breathless. He'd been frightened by a goat. _A goat_. Gideon had never been an adventurous person, but even then, he shouldn't have gotten his wits scared from him by a goat. Since when did they have a goat anyways?

Gideon trudged into the gift shop. The goat passed Bud on his way out, but Bud didn't seem to be too worried about why a goat was in there. He hummed a perky tune to himself, thankfully oblivious to Gideon's incident. Gideon intended to keep it that way.

"I thought you'd be upstairs by now. Don't you want to get settled in?" Bud said, stacking boxes wherever space was available. Gideon saw the goat situated in the driveway, a now permanent reminder of his embarrassment.

"I got... distracted," Gideon said. "Can I stay down here?"

Bud gazed knowingly at his son. "You know there's nothing to be ashamed of getting scared."

"I am _not_ scared!" Gideon said emphatically. He changed the subject. "So when are we gonna open the Craft Shack up?"

"A couple days I reckon," Bud said. "Although it'll probably be a few more days before we get any tourists-"

"Can I come in?"

Gideon squealed and scrambled behind a pile of boxes. A smiling tourist poked his head through the door.

"I stand corrected. The Craft Shack is not open yet! Please come back in a few days!" Bud said with an apologetic smile.

As the dejected tourist slunk away, Gideon crawled out from behind the boxes. He felt completely and utterly mortified. He wasn't seven years old anymore! He shouldn't be this jittery. Even his worse, his dad saw the entire thing. Gideon knew Bud wouldn't bring it up, but whenever Bud tried to pretend something hadn't happened, there was always that underlying tension between the two of them.

Gideon straightened his vest. "I'm going to bed now. I'll help out tomorrow."

Bud wished him goodnight, and he dashed upstairs to his room. Technically, his room was in the attic, but with so many add-ons to the Shack, Bud hadn't really needed it for storage. So Gideon got his own room all to himself. Best of all, the room was on the top floor, so if Gideon heard anyone break into the Shack, he'd have plenty of time to figure out an escape plan.

There he went _again._ Gideon hugged his stuffed animal, a fluffy sheep named Mr. Lamby. Why did he have to be so paranoid? His previous summers in Gravity Falls had been relatively uneventful, thanks in part due to his cautious nature. The only time he remembered going out of his comfort zone was when he throw a pine cone at a squirrel. And that was an _accident._

Surely, he'd changed since three years ago. Gideon looked out the window at the forest. This summer Gideon _would_ be braver. Even if that meant going into the forest.

Nonetheless, Gideon slept with the lights on.

* * *

Once Bud and Gideon had started unpacking the next day, the gift shop exploded into a mess of tools, paint, and hot glue. Bud wanted to get the Craft Shack up and running as soon as possible. With no employees yet and child labor laws still intact, the task was more of a hopeful fantasy than reality.

Bud particularly needed to put up signs advertising the Craft Shack in the woods, but he was currently preoccupied with untangling the decorative lights. Gideon saw this as the perfect opportunity to prove his bravery. Spooky woods were nothing to him! In his head, Gideon envisioned himself confidently hanging up the signs then Bud congratulating him with a glittering trophy.

In real life, Bud was less convinced. "Are you sure? You'll have to go into the woods, and I know how much they scare you."

"When I was _seven_!"

Truth be told, Gideon spent the drive reading about Oregon. One of the messages he'd taken away was that the wildlife was actively out to kill him. Oregon didn't care that he was young and adorable. Oregon didn't discriminate in its targets. At least Texas held a familiar set of terrors.

"I really do need to get those signs up if we want customers..." Bud said. "But if you get scared, you can always come back-"

"Scared?" Gideon summoned up the manliest laugh he could muster. He sounded more like a lamb. "I'm just hanging up signs! Nothing scary about that!"

The signs were piled up in the corner, along with a hammer and nails. Gideon gathered everything up in one sweeping gesture. Bud looked at him like he was about to jump out the window. Gideon smiled nervously.

"See? I can handle it!"

"All right, but be sure to get back before the sun goes down," Bud said.

"I will!" Gideon strode out the door. Moments later, he popped his head back in. "We brought the pocket first aid kit, right?"

"It's in your vest."

"Just checking!"

* * *

As Gideon walked through the woods, he made sure the road was always in sight. Dark clouds blanketed the sky, making the woods feel more sinister. A gust of wind shook the trees. To Gideon, it sounded like thousands of whispers.

Gideon breathed deeply. "There's nothing to be afraid of. There's nothing to be afraid- why does that never work!?"

Gideon picked up his pace. His stubby little legs could never outrun a predator, but at least the illusion of speed calmed him a bit. Soon enough, hanging up the signs turned into routine. Pick up a nail, hammer it into the trunk, hang the sign, and move on. The woods weren't such a scary place after all!

Then Gideon got to the next tree and got the shock of his life.

The nail hit the tree with a metallic _clang_! Gideon jumped back. "What the heck!?"

He almost ran back to the Shack. _Almost_. But curiosity got the better of him. Gideon cautiously rapped his knuckles against the trunk. Sure enough, the same clanging noise. It also sounded hollow. Had someone built this fake tree to hide something? If the mystery novels he read were true, this tree contained buried treasure! Or a murder weapon.

Gideon ran his hand over the tree and felt a hinge. He tugged at it, and after a few pulls, the hinge popped open. Sadly, the compartment held no buried treasure. Instead there some old-timey device. Judging by the dial and antenna, perhaps a radio? If it was, there was no way it still worked; the controls looked rusted.

If Gideon was a scaredy cat, he'd close the hinge and walk away. But he was brave Gideon. He flipped one of the switches. When nothing happened, he flipped the other one.

A panel hidden right in the grass slid open. How many secret compartments were _in_ this forest? Gideon peered inside this new compartment. Covered in grime but untouched for what looked like decades was a book. There was some kind of seal on the front, but Gideon couldn't tell what.

Gideon picked the book up and brushed dust and cobwebs off, wishing he'd brought hand sanitizer with him. At least he could finally get a good look at the cover. Adorning the cover was a golden hand with the number 3 was painted on it. Strangely, the hand had an extra finger. The six-fingered hand only brought more questions than answers to Gideon. Like just what was _in_ this book? He opened to the first page:

 _It's hard to believe it's been six years since I began studying the strange and wondrous secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon,_

So not just a book. A _journal_. A journal detailing the secrets of Gravity Falls? Was this why the journal had been hidden? And what kind of secrets did Gravity Falls hold?

Gideon flipped through the pages. Scrawled in disturbing detail throughout the journal were creatures that shouldn't be real: vampires, gnomes, cursed pumpkins, pegasus bears, stuff kids told around the campfire to scare each other. And then the writing just stopped, like the author hadn't even finished his work. Gideon turned to the last page with writing on it.

 _Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I'm being watched. I must hide this book before_ he _finds it. Remember: in Gravity Falls there is no one you can trust._

Scratched onto the page were the words _**TRUST NO ONE**_. Compared to the elegant cursive throughout the rest of the book, that final sentence read like a warning from someone who'd learned it the hard way. And what a better place for monsters to hide than a thick, unoccupied forest? Suddenly, Gideon was aware of how alone he was. Anyone - _anything_ \- could sneak up on him. Like one of the monsters in this journal.

The woods just got a lot bigger.

* * *

Gideon nailed the rest of the signs to whatever trees were closest. He walked back with his nose buried in the journal.

The journal was equal parts fascinating and terrifying. Because reading about supernatural creatures he thought didn't exist was opening his eyes to a realm of possibilities. Unfortunately, one of those possibilities was that these supernatural creatures could get him. In fact, how had they never gotten him in the summers before? Maybe because Gideon never ventured into the forest.

Which only made him walk faster.

After a few minutes, Gideon felt like he wasn't alone. Was he being followed? Or was it the journal planting ideas into his head? One time he'd accidentally watched _Daydream on Oak Lane_ , and he was convinced for weeks daydreaming in class would lead to him being chased into a boiler room.

Gideon heard the branches rustle. He hastily stuffed the journal into his vest. He walked slower, now aware of every little sound from the forest. He heard faint footsteps behind him. A twig snapped. Someone was definitely following him.

He turned back and shouted, "If there's someone following me, you can just stop it! I have a weapon and I am _not_ afraid to use it!"

Somehow he'd make bandaids work as weapons. There was no response from the woods. Just that endless array of trees. But he still felt eyes on him. Gideon began to back away, trying not to look as terrified as he felt.

"I'm gonna assume no one's here and just go-"

"Gideon Gleeful?"

Gideon shrieked. "Who said that!?"

"I did!"

In a flash of neon, a figure hopped out from the trees and landed in the middle of the road. Gideon would have fainted right on the road if it was a monster. But the figure in front of him was a girl. Who somehow wore every color of the rainbow and then a few more. The girl flipped her blonde ponytail back and smiled, revealing a mouthful of braces.

"Sorry about the sneak attack! I just wasn't sure who you were so I kind of started creeping on you," the girl said.

"It's okay," Gideon said. "...and I _am_ Gideon by the way."

The girl gasped. "Wait, it's really you!? Oh my gosh, I haven't seen in you in years! Are you back for the summer?"

"Uh... yeah." Gideon wished he'd listened to Bud lecture him more about manners. How did he politely tell someone he had no idea who she was? "Listen... I have no idea who you are."

So much for politeness. The girl didn't seem to mind. "I'll give you a hint: it starts with a, 'Paz' and ends in an 'ifica."

"Paz..ifica...?" That was a funny name for- _wait_. "Pacifica Northwest!?"

"Bingo! My friends call me Paz! My enemies are too scared to speak my name. Which are you?" Pacifica said expectantly.

"A friend? I think?"

That was all Pacifica seemed to need to deem Gideon a friend. "Awesome! Hey, I'll walk back to the Craft Shack with you! It's still the Craft Shack, right? Oh my gosh, I _hope_ so! I loved those little toadstool key chains you sold..."

Pacifica prattled on, oblivious to Gideon's discomfort and confusion. She had a motor mouth, which left Gideon to listening and thinking about the journal tucked in his vest. What was Pacifica doing in the forest? Did she not know about the dangers of Gravity Falls? Then again, it's not like she had a journal to conveniently tell her what to watch out for.

The memories of his time with Pacifica were also starting to come back. She was taller and her mouth had more metal in it, but she still had the same relentless energy. Gideon remembered playing games like tag and switching around items in the Craft Shack with her. They'd play dress up together and stay up all night eating too much candy. She was pretty much the only person he spent his summers with.

So why did her sudden re-entrance feel strange?

"I have so much to show you!" Pacifica continued. "I mean, Gravity Falls hasn't really changed since you left, but there's so much stuff we can do now that we're older!"

"It is nice meeting someone I actually know," Gideon said.

Pacifica's face lit up. "That reminds me, I've got to introduce you to a friend of mine!"

"Who?"

"His name's Bill! And let me tell you, he is _such_ a guy!"

* * *

 **DVOXLNV GL IVEVIHV UZOOH.**


	2. Summertime Madness - Part II

"Who's Bill?"

"You haven't met Bill? Oh my gosh, you have definitely got to meet Bill!" Pacifica said. "We can meet him tonight!"

"But _who_ is he?"

"Only one of the raddest people you'll ever meet! He's like..." Pacifica trailed off, leaving Gideon more confused than ever. "He's an experience."

An experience? What was that even supposed to mean? Gideon supposed it wasn't out of the ordinary for Pacifica to have friends. Still, talking to her had given him enough excitement to last the entire summer. "Look, it was really nice seeing you again-"

"And it'll be even nicer when we meet Bill!"

"But I told my dad I'd be back before dark-"

"That's okay! Bill won't mind waiting. He's very patient."

"Great... it was nice to see you again, Pacifica." Gideon started walking back to the Craft Shack. Instead of picking up on the social cue and leaving, Pacifica fell into step next to him.

"So you wanna meet Bill, right?" Pacifica said.

"I mean sure, but not now-"

"So tomorrow?"

"Fine! Tomorrow! But I'm going to bed _now_ ," Gideon said, more exasperated than he thought. Thankfully, they'd made it back to the Shack.

Gideon went inside, Pacifica watching intently. Seconds later, he peered through the blinds and saw she was still outside. She stared at the Shack with a glazed over look in her eyes. Gideon could have sworn he even looked right at her, but she didn't acknowledge him. That night when he was getting ready for bed, he half-expected Pacifica to still be there. He checked outside once more, but she was gone.

Shrugging off an all-around weird day, Gideon snuggled into bed with Mr. Lamby and the mysterious journal. His lamp _and_ his nightlight on, Gideon opened the journal.

He never finished reading. Not because he fell asleep in the middle. No, Gideon made it through about a quarter of the journal. That was still pages and pages of monsters described in startling detail. Gideon broke at the entry describing the waterfall that would crystallize anyone who drank from it. He shoved the journal underneath his pillow and threw as many blankets as possible over his head.

He slept with the lights on again. He didn't get much sleep anyways.

* * *

The next day was the grand opening of the Craft Shack, and despite a below-average turnout, there was still a handful of customers perusing through the lovingly handcrafted goods. Bud mingled while Gideon hid behind cash register with the journal open.

The lady with stringy gray hair and too many seashell bracelets was a sea witch. The man wearing fifty shades of flannel? Definitely a werewolf. The two cherub-faced children had to be changeling fairies. They could strip their human skin off any time they pleased.

Or maybe they were all just tourists. But Gideon didn't think so.

He'd taken it upon himself to scan the Craft Shack for any potential monsters. Which meant that _everyone_ was a suspect. If there was one thing he'd learned from the journal, the creatures in Gravity Falls were clever. They could play tricks on humans and even pretend to be other humans. Not to mention the cursed artifacts. Gideon eyed the vending machine. There was something suspicious about it...

"Gideon, could you please stop glaring at the customers?"

Bud leaned against the counter staring quizzically at his son. Gideon snapped the journal shut. "Oh! Hey Dad! What do you mean glaring? I'm just- ZOMBIE!"

Gideon screamed and dove underneath the counter. But looked behind him. The only he saw the handyman he'd hired standing in the doorway. For reasons unknown, he was eating a bowl of noodles mixed with ketchup. It _did_ resemble human brains. "You mean Jesus?"

The handyman perked up at the mention of his name and came over to the cash register. "Please, call me Soos! The handyman, the handymyth, the handy _legend._ "

"Well, Soos, I do appreciate you coming around for a few repairs!" Bud said. Gideon was still crouched beneath the counter. "You'll have to forgive my son. He's got quite the overactive imagination."

"I know what I saw!" Gideon hissed. " _He's_ a zombie!"

"I don't think I'm a zombie," Soos said thoughtfully. "Oh man, how cool would that be? I'd wander around the world, eat some brains... I'd never have to buy toilet paper again!"

Maybe Soos wasn't a zombie. Gideon inched back up, ready to bolt if Soos tried to eat his brains. Aside from his bowl of brains (which Gideon realized were simply noodles), Soos looked liked a perfectly normal human being. He was about the same size as Bud but visibly younger. And better dressed; his blue t-shirt with an exclamation point and hip baseball cap were way cooler than Bud's painfully tacky straw hat and Hawaiian shirt.

"I take back my accusation," Gideon declared. "You're not a zombie, Soos. Also it's nice to meet you."

"We've actually met, dude! But you were like... this big." Soos put a hand a couple feet above the floor.

The memories were coming back to Gideon. Soos worked on and off again in the Shack doing odd jobs for Bud. He never was a full-time employee; he worked at least five other jobs. But he was always showing Gideon cool repair tricks like how to thatch a roof with only a stapler.

"So that book you got there - is that like one of those paranormal mystery guides?" Soos said.

"Oh! Yeah," Gideon said. He leaned in close and whispered, "I'm keeping an eye out for any monsters who might try and take over the Craft Shack."

"Better safe than sorry, dude. This town is weird."

"You... believe me?"

"Yeah I do! I'm like ninety-nine percent certain the mayor's part unicorn. Not to mention the lumberjacks..." Soos shuddered. "The less I say about them, the _better_. Biggest thing though is the woods. I hear weird noises coming from there all the time. If I were you, I'd stay out of them."

"No kidding," Gideon said. "You wouldn't believe who I ran into in the woods."

"Hi Gideon!"

Speaking of, Pacifica Northwest bounced in to the Craft Shack, nearly knocking Gideon off the counter. Like yesterday, she was a mishmash of neon and clothes that belonged in an 80s drug PSA. "Sooooo, are you ready to meet Bill tonight?"

Right, Bill. With all the paranoia surrounding opening day, meeting Bill had slipped to the very back of Gideon's agenda. He was kind of hoping Pacifica would just forget about it entirely. Instead she'd seemed to latch on to it even harder.

"Listen, how long have you even known Bill?" Gideon said.

"Not too long, but it seems like way longer than that," Pacifica replied.

Again, why was Pacifica being so vague about Bill? Was it so much to ask some basic questions about someone Gideon had never met? He thought back to the journal. _Trust no one_. Could he even trust someone he'd never met before? The only person who had any answers about this Bill character was Pacifica. So... he'd keep prodding Pacifica for answers. Like an interrogation!

First question: try to figure out how old Bill was. "So you would say Bill's around your age?"

"Well, time is an illusion so age doesn't really matter!" Pacifica said without a trace of sarcasm. "Trust me, Gideon, once you meet Bill tonight, your mind's going to be blown. In the cool way!"

"Why can't I meet him now? In fact, he could come to the Shack." Gideon leaned in close to Pacifica like the cops did on those detective shows his dad watched when he thought Gideon was asleep. "Unless there's something _wrong_ with that."

"Bill's more of a night person!" Pacifica said without missing a beat.

Drat. Gideon was running out of interrogation techniques, and Pacifica showed no signs of cracking. Time for his one last trick: rapid-fire questioning.

"Do you have a picture of him I could see?"

"He doesn't photograph well!"

"How about you tell me what looks like then."

"It's more fun when you meet him in person!"

"Can you at least tell me where he lives?"

"He's more of a nomad!"

"Do you even know his _last name_!?"

"Nope!" Pacifica said. "But what are last names for anyways? Do they tell anything about a person? I don't think so!"

Gideon groaned. "I give up! Look, Pacifica, I can't come with you tonight."

For the first time, Pacifica's smile wavered. "What? Why?"

"Because I don't know enough about Bill to feel safe!" Gideon said. "Ever since I met you, all you've done is talk about Bill! If he's so great amazing, why can't you tell me anything about him!? Real things, too, not this cryptic stuff!"

"Well, why are _you_ asking me so many questions about him?" Pacifica said defensively. "At least Bill's _been here_ for me unlike you!"

Gideon was completely taken aback. "What do you-

"I don't see you for three summers, you show up out of the blue, and even worse, you think it's weird that _I_ have friends outside of you!?" Pacifica said. "Maybe I just want my friends to get along, did you ever think of that?"

He was left speechless. Pacifica waited for him to say something to fill in the dead space, his one last chance to make amends. But Gideon was shocked. He'd never considered what three summers away would do to his friendship with Pacifica.

Pacifica turned toward the exit. "I'll meet you at sunset at the edge of the woods. If you show up, rad. If you don't... don't bother trying to find me again."

She stalked out of the Craft Shack leaving Gideon with his mouth hanging open and a thousand thoughts rushing through his head. Had he pushed Pacifica away out of obsession to find something abnormal about one of her friends?

Soos popped his head in. "Yikes, dude. You really blew that one."

"I did, didn't I?"

* * *

The minutes ticked closer to sundown, but Gideon couldn't budge from his room. He was worried for Pacifica, but now he also felt guilty for never telling her why he'd been gone three summers. He'd been _six years old_ ; Bud had never told him why they hadn't come back for three years. But he still could have tried to call Pacifica, write her a letter, _something_ to let her know he was alive.

Gideon turned to the journal as a distraction. The creep factor was still overwhelming, but going through it during the day was less likely to give him nightmares. Aimlessly flipping through the pages, Gideon's mind kept going back to the fight with Pacifica. If only the journal had an answer to why she was acting so weird.

A page caught Gideon's eye. He almost didn't register it until he saw the name, and by then he'd flipped past. He turned a few pages back. It could just be his brain was making connections where there weren't any.

Then he saw it. Gideon wanted to gasp, but he couldn't find the air to do so.

The name of this entry was _Bill_.

Bill Cipher to be exact. A dream demon. Compared to other entries, Bill didn't match Gideon's perception of demons. He was a 2-dimensional triangle with arms, legs, and a single eye in the middle. Adding to the silliness was a cartoonish top hat and bow tie. In a nightmarish contrast, the pages were splattered in a red substance Gideon didn't want to think about.

A crazy thought occurred to Gideon: what if _this_ was the Bill Pacifica was talking about? It could just be a coincidence... but what if it wasn't? Gideon wouldn't be able to rest without knowing for sure.

Part of the entry had been frantically crossed out:

 _Bill has proven himself to be one of the sweetest and most sensitive individuals that I've ever encountered in my life. What a guy! I honestly can't trust him more. Not evil in any way, Bill is a true gentleman._

Written underneath was _CAN'T BE TRUSTED!_

What could have happened between the first part and the second part for things to end so badly with Bill? Gideon's imagination conjured up the most gruesome scenarios a ten-year old was thinking of. What if Pacifica was involved with this demon?

 _Beware Bill. The most unstable and volatile creature I've ever encountered. Whatever you do, never let him into your mind._ _He can and will possess any human body he can get his hands on._

 _DO NOT LET HIM POSSESS YOU!_

That last sentence was underlined several times. A sick feeling had been creeping up in Gideon's stomach, and now he felt like he could physically retch. Bill could possess people. Gideon didn't know a lot about demonic possession, but he knew enough. He knew people acted differently than normal.

And who had he been talking to all day who'd been acting far from normal?

The facts all matched up. Pacifica's odd behavior. Her vague descriptions of Bill. Her pushing and pushing for Gideon to meet Bill. This whole time, Gideon had been interacting with a demon, and that was more terrifying than anything in the journal. What had happened to Pacifica? Was she still in her body, helpless to Bill? Was she watching from afar as a spirit, trying to tell Gideon the truth? Thinking about what might have happened to her sent chills up and down Gideon's spine.

What if she was in this room? "Pacifica, if you're here, I know who Bill is. And I'm gonna save you! I just don't know how yet." He didn't know if he expected a ghostly Pacifica to appear, but nothing happened.

Gideon realized something even more frightening: he had to meet her at the forest. And he had to go _now_.

Gideon grabbed the journal and ran downstairs. His mind was racing to come up with a plan without time on his side. If she was possessed by Bill, Gideon needed to get him out of her body. Pacifica -Or Bill? Bifica?- didn't know he had the journal, which gave him an edge. He reached the gift shop and found Soos fixing the door hinges.

"Whoa dude, you're flying faster than a snowball!" Soos said. "Where are you headed to?"

"I gotta save Pacifica from demonic possession!" Gideon said. The sun was almost down and with it his only chance of getting to Pacifica before something awful might happen to her.

Soos didn't move though. "Dude, I can't let you do this."

"Let me through, Soos!" Gideon yelled.

Soos put a reassuring hand on Gideon's shoulder. It was a small gesture but enough to calm Gideon down. " _Not_ without some backup. Follow me."

Gideon hesitantly trailed behind Soos. How could Soos even know what would protect him from a demon? Then again, Gideon was going in with just the journal; he'd take all the help he could get. They entered the kitchen. Soos bent down and tugged one of the floorboards off. Inside was a cardboard box labeled _**End Times**_. Like a Santa Claus of the apocalypse, Soos reached in and pulled a flashlight out.

Soos handed the flashlight to Gideon. "Boom. If what you say is true, then you're gonna have to check Pacifica's eyes. That's the only way to be sure."

"How will I know?"

"You'll know," Soos said cryptically. He reached for one more thing in the box.

It was one of the blue and white hats Bud sold in the Craft Shack. Gideon remembered they hadn't sold very well, but Bud insisted on keeping them out until the inventory went down. Its most distinctive feature was the star in the middle; otherwise, it was just an ordinary hat.

"Thanks... why the hat?" Gideon said.

"Flip it over, dude."

Gideon did. The inside of the hat was lined with... tin foil? "Soos, why?"

"To protect you from the demons," Soos said. "Or is it aliens? Trust me dude, you're gonna need it."

Gideon slid the hat on. To his surprise, he couldn't even feel the tin foil. Soos gave him a nod of approval. Gideon had never felt so serious wearing a tin foil hat. Armed with the flashlight and the journal in his vest, he was ready to take on Bill Cipher. Or at least he hoped so.

"If I don't make it back," Gideon said. "Will you tell my dad what I did?"

"Your tale will not go untold," Soos said with complete sincerity. "Now go battle a demon."

His sendoff gave Gideon a burst of courage. He would need it. The last rays of the sun disappearing over the horizon, Gideon stepped out of the Craft Shack, willingly giving up his only form of protection.

But for once, he wasn't focused on protecting himself. Not when Pacifica needed help.

* * *

Pacifica was right where she said she would be. She saw Gideon and exclaimed, "You came!"

"Uh huh," Gideon said. Last chance to go back to the Shack. "Let's do this."

Pacifica lead the way, practically gliding through the forest. Gideon managed to keep up, albeit with much less enthusiasm. He tried to keep track of the path they were taking, but by the time he counted Pine Tree #22, it was hopeless. He was as good as lost without Pacifica's guidance.

Meanwhile, Pacifica chattered on about Bill. "And he has this amazing way of knowing exactly what you're thinking! Like he's psychic or something! You're not anemic, right Gideon?"

"I don't think so," Gideon said.

"Excellent! We're here!"

The two had reached a clearing. Gideon had no idea how far they'd gone into the forest. The sun had now completely gone down, leaving the moon as Gideon's only source of light. At night, the shadows of the forest casted sharp angles, making everything appear bigger and deeper. Even Pacifica's braces reflected against the moonlight gave a much more ominous effect than Gideon expected.

"So where's Bill?" Gideon said.

"He'll be here soon - he's got great timing!" Pacifica replied. She once again had that vacant stare in her eyes. Was it because she had something on her mind? Or was something _in_ her mind?

Gideon's hand closed around the flashlight. "Pacifica, I know what's going on."

Pacifica frowned. "What are you-"

 _Now_.

"SHOW YOURSELF, BILL!"

Before Pacifica could react, Gideon whipped the flashlight out and shone it right in Pacifica's eyes. She cried out and instinctively raised her hands in front of the light. Not before Gideon could get a good look at her eyes though.

Only something was wrong. Very wrong.

Pacifica's eyes were... completely normal.

Pacifica smacked the flashlight out of her face. "What was that for!?"

"But you're Bill Cipher- you have to be!" Gideon said in disbelief.

"Bill who?" Pacifica said. "The Bill _I_ know is just Bill."

"Then... how..."

"Actually, I prefer William," an unknown voice said.

Three very important things happened all at once.

First, Gideon realized not only had he come to the wrong conclusion about Bill, but also he was woefully unprepared to take on whoever Bill _really_ was.

Second, Pacifica's eyes fluttered, and she crumpled to the ground unconscious.

And third, the very non-triangular, very human-looking Bill stepped into the clearing.

" _You're_ Bill?"

With his Hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts, Bill - _William_ (trying to keep two Bills distinguished would drive Gideon crazy)- looked like a generic tourist. All he needed was a camera and a foldable map. His light blonde hair and doe-eyed stare added to the nonthreatening image. Yet William stood like he was ready to strike at anyone who came near him.

"I go by William more, but yep, that's me! Nice to meet you!" William said with a harmless smile. Despite William's politeness, Gideon didn't let down his guard. There was something familiar about him...

Then it Gideon like a bullet train. The smile. The tourist-y clothes. The lighthearted tone of voice.

 _"Can I come in?"_

 _William_ was the tourist from the night Gideon came to Gravity Falls, the one who'd nearly scared Gideon to death. He'd completely forgotten -well, more willingly repressed the incident from memory- about that night. But if William was just a tourist stopping through town, why had he stayed for two more days? And more pressingly...

"How do you know Pacifica?" Gideon said.

"It's a boring story. She ran into me, I used some mind control on her-" William noticed the alarm on Gideon's face. "No worries, she won't a remember a thing! Mostly because she'll be dead."

"What!?"

"Was I unclear on that?" William said with genuine concern in his voice. "I'm gonna suck her blood. Yours too!"

The pieces clicked together in Gideon's head. He didn't need the journal to realize what William was.

"You're a _vampire_!?"

"Bingo!" William smiled widely, and for the first time, Gideon saw his two abnormally large incisors.

"But you- Pacifica-" Gideon sputtered.

"Seriously? You didn't realize... oh man, this is embarrassing," William said with a halfhearted laugh. "I mean she's definitely got blood pumping through her veins but nowhere near enough to fill me up."

Gideon was off. _Way_ off. Years of hot vampire movies couldn't prepare Gideon in the slightest for an encounter with a real one. Should he run- no, he should try and fend William off. _No,_ he should just let William drink his blood and hope for the best- what was he thinking!? He wasn't equipped to fight a vampire! That didn't mean he wanted to be a vampire snack either.

"S-stay away from me," Gideon said feebly. Intimidation was never even a tactic he'd considered, not when he sounded this pathetic.

"No can do, kid! You see," William took one step forward, sending Gideon scampering backward. "I'm thirsty. _Painfully_ thirsty, and you and your friend just happen to be on the menu. Call it the food chain."

The barest bones of an idea began forming in Gideon's head. From his limited knowledge about vampires, Gideon knew a wooden stake could kill them. It worked in the movies at least. If he could keep William talking, maybe he could find a sharp enough tree branch and stake William. If he _couldn't_ keep William talking... there was always Plan B.

Gideon stalled William with the dumbest question possible. "But couldn't you find someone... tastier?"

If Gideon made it out alive, he would work on his stalling abilities. Gideon scanned the clearing for any stray branches, barely shifting his gaze from William. He spied a lone branch just off to his left. It was in arm's reach.

"Nope! I'm more of a find-a-target-and-go-for-it kind of vampire. You could have made this _so_ much easier if you'd just let me in!" William said as if it were only a minor inconvenience. "I do love a challenge though. I'll even let you try and outrun me!"

"That's... awesome... darn this! I can't do this anymore!" Gideon snatched the branch and stabbed William in the chest with all his might.

William fell to the ground, clutching his shoulder. For a moment, it looked like Gideon had defeated the vampire. But then William's body jerked upright at an unnaturally straight angle. Gideon watched with horror as William yanked the tree branch out of his shoulder. "First of all, ow. Second of all, you've _really_ got to work on your aim."

Time for Plan B: Gideon ran.

He heard a _whoosh_ behind him followed by the rapid footsteps of an approaching branch or twig that snapped behind him spurred Gideon to run faster. Gideon's chest heaved for air, but he didn't dare stop to catch a breath. He couldn't stop, not if he wanted to live. But he was so _tired_...

No, he had to keep going! But fatigue was getting to Gideon now, and the rustle of trees grew closer. Gideon knew in his heart that William was going to catch up.

He couldn't outrun a vampire. But could he _hide_ from one?

Gideon took a sharp turn to the right. He spotted a bush big enough to hide him and far away that William just might pass over him. He dove into the bush. The branches dug into his skin, but he was deep enough to remain safely hidden.

Through the leaves he saw William carrying a limp Pacifica over his shoulder. Gideon stifled a gasp. He'd forgotten Pacifica was there. William had completely dropped the naïve tourist act, now giving making his cheesy attire a nightmarish contrast. The glare in William's eyes screamed _bloodlust_. Literally.

William set Pacifica down and turned toward the bush. Gideon didn't move. He didn't even breathe. After a few agonizing seconds, William took off.

Gideon gulped in several breaths of air. For the moment, William was gone. And Gideon needed a better plan. However, he couldn't just leave Pacifica out in the open. With what little strength he had, Gideon dragged her in to the bush with him.

Gideon frantically turned the pages of the journal, looking for any scrap of information about vampires. He knew he'd flipped past an entry the night before- _there_. Two detailed pages along with a sketch of a gnarly-looking vampire clad in a black cloak and blood dripping from its lips. A far cry from the cargo shorts, fanny pack-wearing vampire currently out to eat Gideon.

 _Shrouded in conflicting folklore, vampires are more of a rarity than I imagined,_ the journal read. _Their necessity for blood means they cannot stay in one place for a very long time without attracting suspicion._

Blah, blah, blah, vampires drank blood, vampires had sharp fangs- one feature caught Gideon's eye.

 _Based on my observations,_ (written in the margin was _DO NOT OBSERVE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT_ ) _they seem to possess some level of mind control._

 _To protect yourself from a vampire's mind control, you will need to cover your head with some kind of metallic casing. I've found a metal plate works best, but this options requires extensive surgery (ow)._

So that was why William hadn't tried to mind-control Gideon. He silently thanked Soos for the tin foil hat. If William _did_ suck Gideon's blood, he'd be aware of it the entire time. A joyful thought.

 _Typically, vampires select a human victim and control them telepathically to lure other victims in._

Pacifica must have run into William only moments after he'd tried to enter the Shack. Gideon felt like such an idiot. If Bud had let William in, Pacifica never would have been mind-controlled. Then again, what would have happened to Gideon and Bud? More pressingly, what was going to happen to Gideon if he couldn't find a way to defeat William?

 _Weaknesses include:_

 _\- Human property (_ _must_ _require an invitation)_  
 _\- Garlic (does NOT apply to garlic bread)_  
 _\- Some holy relics, although this may be suggestion_

Was that really all a vampire's weaknesses? Gideon needed specific, _accessible_ objects to take a down a vampire. The journal's vagueness was _really_ not helping right now. He spied one more thing written at the very bottom.

 _Their ultimate weakness is sunlight. If you can wait it out, sunrise will drive the vampire away. Given that vampires are extremely skilled trackers, this is obviously a last-resort option with slim guarantee of survival._

It was the middle of the night. So that was it. Everything that could possibly defeat William, and Gideon had none of it. Gideon shoved the journal back into his vest and buried his head in his knees. He never should have gone to hang up those signs.

Unbeknownst to him, Pacifica stirred. She lifted her head with the energy of someone who'd had a rough night's sleep. While she looked around, still groggy, she said the first thing that came to her head: "Where the hell am I?"

Gideon nearly jumped out of the bush. "Ah! You're awake! Are you... _you_?"

"Am I what? Wait..." Pacifica blinked a few times, trying to figure out why this white-haired child seemed familiar. "Are you Gideon Gleeful?"

"Yeah. And you're Pacifica Northwest."

"Great. I just swore in front a ten-year old..." As Pacifica's brain scraped out the gunk of vampire control, her questions started piling up. "Hold on, what are you doing here? I thought you were in Texas."

"It's a long story. If we escape the vampire, I'll fill you in."

"A vampire? When did- oh no," Pacifica's eyes widened. "It's Bill, isn't it?"

"William, yeah. You remember him?" Gideon asked.

"It's... complicated," Pacifica said.

"How can complicated can it be!? Either you found a vampire or a vampire found you," Gideon said.

"...I kind of followed him."

"What!? Are you crazy!?"

"Keep your voice down!" Pacifica whispered. They both fell silent. They listened for any footsteps, waiting for William to pull the branches back and pounce. Hearing no one, Pacifica continued.

"The summer after you left, I started looking for supernatural stuff in this town. No one would listen to me," Pacifica said. Her face turned solemn. "But I knew I was onto something. Up until the vampire, I couldn't find any solid evidence of supernatural phenomena. So when I encountered a real, genuine vampire, I followed him and well… we're hiding in a bush."

"If it makes you feel any better, I thought you'd been possessed by a demon named Bill," Gideon admitted. "Talk about jumping to conclusions."

Pacifica gave him a sympathetic smile. Her eyes however, displayed all the uncertainty Gideon felt just as strongly. If only he hadn't latched on to the Bill Cipher theory. If only he'd figured out what was going on with Pacifica sooner. If only... if only's wouldn't do them much good now.

"He's gonna find us, isn't he?" Gideon said, defeat apparent in his voice.

"He found me pretty quickly." Pacifica answered, clearly not wanting to divulge into her encounter with William.

"Do you have better plan other than waiting until daylight?" Gideon said. "Because I've got nothing."

Pacifica's eyes lit up with the intensity of a flashbulb. "Wait! That flashlight you used - do still have it?"

Gideon checked his vest and found it safely tucked in next to the journal. "Yeah, but how is that-"

"I think I know how to get Bill away from us," Pacifica said, pulling out her compact mirror. She hesitated, a crack in her collected facade showing. "Gideon, I know you have every reason not to, but can you trust me?"

 _Trust no one_ , the journal stated. Gideon had spent all day on the edge of sanity because a vampire controlling Pacifica had decided to play games with him. But Pacifica -the _real_ Pacifica- waited for his answer like the world depended on it. And maybe it did. They were out of options, and if Pacifica said she had a plan...

"Tell me what to do."

* * *

When he heard William approaching, it took every ounce of courage for Gideon to stand his ground. Pacifica had clearly explained the plan to him, but something could still go wrong. All Gideon could do was wait. Not that he had to wait much longer.

William emerged with a ravenous grin on his face. "You came out! I didn't even have to hunt you down! Kids these days are so polite. Where's the other one?"

 _This is going to work._ Pacifica had told Gideon to act vulnerable. Acting wasn't much of a stretch for him.

"Tell me, William, how long have you been in Gravity Falls? A week? Two?" Gideon said.

Baffled, William said, "How should I know? Once I eat you and the girl, I'm skipping town anyways."

"I thought so," Gideon walked a few steps forward, enough to catch William by surprise. After all, what kind of prey approached its predator? "See, William, I've spent my summers here. I know this town, and it's weird. Weirder than you can imagine."

Behind him, Pacifica was hidden in the trees waiting for her cue. Knowing he wasn't alone was a tiny bit comforting. But he was just as scared for her. Gideon couldn't hear her, but that didn't mean William couldn't.

Luckily, William still seemed unaware. "That's adorable. Kid, this tough-guy front really isn't working out for you."

"You're right. I'm scared," Gideon said. "And a huge wimp too. And you're a vampire who can control people's minds. But there's one thing you can't control, William."

"And what's that?"

" _Sunrise._ "

A bright light burst through the trees. The rays hit William right in the chest. He raised his arms against the light and hissed. "What!? How!?"

"Get a watch, that's how!" Gideon yelled. "And get the heck out of here or burn to a crisp!"

William took off at superhuman speed for shelter, screaming and hissing the entire way. Gideon stood his ground, mostly because he was too shocked to move. He was scared to say anything lest William realize what was really going on and backtrack.

Pacifica's voice called, "Is he gone?"

"It worked..." Gideon said. He couldn't believe it. "It really worked!"

The "sunrise" bounced off the mirror placed strategically on the ground and turned in to the regular beam of a flashlight. Pacifica jumped down from her perch in a tree, flashlight in hand. The plan was simple. Place Pacifica's compact mirror on the ground, have her shine the flashlight onto it, and hope William was scared enough to run.

And they'd done it. Two kids alone in the forest and they'd really done it! Pacifica was wound up from the tension while Gideon was at a loss for words. He managed to say, "We should head back. You know, in case William figures something out."

"Yeah... I actually have no idea how to get back from here," Pacifica said.

After the adventure, of course reality would set in. How _were_ they supposed to get back? At least a vampire wasn't chasing them anymore, Gideon thought. Without the immediate danger, the forest felt surprisingly… tranquil. The bugs chirped quietly. A breeze gently rustled the leaves. The night sky, clearer than glass, illuminated the entire forest in a glow.

Wait. _The sky._ Gideon titled his head upward. He knew how to get them back.

"We'll follow the stars."

* * *

Gideon and Pacifica encountered neither vampires nor demons on their way back. Pacifica was quiet, and Gideon didn't know her well enough to make conversation. She _had_ been mind-controlled by a vampire. Gideon supposed he'd be pretty quiet too.

And then they were at the Shack, as if they'd never even left. The lights on the front porch were still on, along with the light in Bud's bedroom.

Gideon and Pacifica both shifted awkwardly, knowing it was time to say goodbye but not knowing how. Pacifica started first. "So… I haven't really introduced myself. I mean, you met me but…"

"Vampire stuff?" Gideon said.

"I feel awful for dragging you into it," Pacifica said. "It was stupid. _I_ was stupid. Can you forgive me?"

The journal's mantra echoed in his head: _trust no one_. But did that apply to someone who saved him from a vampire?

"I need to show you something." Gideon pulled the journal out of his vest and handed it to Pacifica.

Pacifica gingerly opened to the first page. Her eyes grew wide. She flipped through the entire journal once, then once more, and then one more time. "Gideon, where did you find this?"

"It was kind of an accident." Gideon explained where he'd found the journal and showed Pacifica the entry about vampires.

"This is incredible. It's more than incredible – it's a miracle! I always knew this town was weird!" Pacifica said.

"So you really believe this stuff?" Gideon said.

"You were there," Pacifica said. "Don't you?"

"It's not that I don't, but..." They could have died. Gideon thought back to his dad. Gideon could have disappeared without a trace, and his dad would spend the rest of his life never knowing what happened to him. Just like his mom. He held up the journal, the six-fingered seal reflected against the moonlight. "Whoever wrote this wrote knew how to defeat vampires. And if vampires are real…"

"…then everything in this journal could be a real account of the supernatural creatures in Gravity Falls," Pacifica said.

The revelation left both kids speechless. To Gideon, vampires and spooky monsters stayed in storybooks. Yet only a few feet away from them lay forces beyond the comprehension of humankind. A vampire was one thing. What other creatures lived in Gravity Falls?

Gideon took a deep breath. "This is just a lot to take in. If this journal fell into the wrong hands- I don't know, I feel like we should..."

"Take an oath or something?"

"Yeah."

Pacifica held up her first two fingers scout's style. "How about this then? I call it the Double Swear. It's like a pinky swear with double the fingers and the swears. Sound good?"

"Sounds good," Gideon said. He took another deep breath. He'd never actually done a secret swear, so he was making this one up on the spot. He held up two fingers. "Do you, Pacifica Northwest… uh, doubly swear to use this journal for the good of Gravity Falls?"

"I swear," Pacifica said. "Do you, Gideon Gleeful, doubly swear to use this journal for the good of Gravity Falls? Also do you swear to take care of it like the original author would have?"

"Good add-on! I mean – I swear."

Gideon and Pacifica linked fingers and shook. The gesture looked silly, like two quotation marks hooked together. But in that moment, the journal became more than a book. It became a promise. A promise Gideon had every intention of keeping.

"It's really late. You wanna sleepover here tonight?" Gideon asked. "Everything's kind of a mess, but we can move the boxes and make a fort!"

"Will your dad be okay with that?"

"Probably."

Gideon would have to explain somehow why he and Pacifica had been in the woods for hours. But first, there was one thing he had to do.

"Hey, Pacifi- Paz. Sorry for being gone for 3 years."

A flicker of recognition passed over Pacifica. She may not have remembered their fight from earlier, but Gideon knew she at least shared the same sentiment. He just hoped she'd be able to forgive him. Pacifica smiled understandingly. "It's cool. I'm just happy you came back."

And then Gideon knew. They _were_ cool. More than cool. Together they went inside, Gideon securely sliding in the lock behind them.

"It's just so weird that I spent a whole day with you, and I don't even remember any of it." Pacifica paused and thought about how she might have acted under William's control. "I didn't, like… wear black and write sappy poetry, right?"

"I could tell something was up, but you never... Actually..." Gideon grinned. "Yep! You did!"

"I did not!"

"Yeah you did! And you kept ranting about eternal darkness! _And_ you adopted a bat!"

"Then where's the bat?"

"It flew off!"

"But wearing black!? How could I betray my love for neon!?" Pacifica lamented, melodramatically throwing her hand over her face.

What made an over-energetic preteen and a paranoid ten-year old work? Gideon didn't know. Was a vampire still the most frightening thing he'd ever experienced? Absolutely. But together, Gideon and Pacifica made even the most life-threatening vampire seemed doable. As Gideon poked fun with Pacifica, he realized no matter what terrifying monsters Gravity Falls threw at them, they would come out okay.

For the first time since Gideon had arrived to Gravity Falls, he felt safe. And when he and Pacifica piled the boxes around them and turned the lights off, he wasn't even afraid of the dark.

* * *

 **26-23-6 15-10-12-25'5 19-13-12-23-13-7 5-19-10-22-22 20'5 1-19-26-24 3-1 4-16 1-26-26-15, 12-20-15 26-23-6?**

* * *

William the vampire limped through the forest. Outwitted by a pair of children. It was humiliating! Even worse, he was so _thirsty_. He was panting and exhausted from trying to find shelter. At this point, he would devour a fly if that meant getting a few drops of blood. Maybe he could find a lost hiker or something before sunrise.

William looked ahead. In the distance he saw lights. Man-made lights. William smiled. Maybe he wouldn't have to look as hard as he thought.

With new vigor, William jogged toward the lights. Normally, he never saw humans camped so deep in the forest, but the prospect of a meal outweighed any suspicions. What if it was a couple camped out? Or a whole family? It had been months since he'd had a full-course meal. Already a new plan was forming in William's head. He'd feed, then get revenge on those pesky children. That would show them who needed a watch!

The lights were just beyond the trees now. William licked his lips with anticipation and pushed back a few branches. Only the sight that greeted him was not a small camping tent. Before his eyes was a baby blue circus tent illuminated by Christmas lights. Dozens of boxes lay outside the tent, along with a trailer hooked up to a giant camper.

William marveled briefly at the sight. For such an enormous tent, there was a surprising lack of people. William only sensed two, maybe three humans at the most, in this general area. Nonetheless, three was enough. He'd even settle for two.

He slipped into the tent. Rows and rows of pews had been set up, with a stage in at the center of the tent. Circus performers, perhaps? William had attacked some acrobats back in 1923. William made note of the numerous boxes piled in the tent. So newcomers. Even better. No one would suspect anything, and by the time anyone realized the inhabitants were dead, he would be long gone.

Now... where was everyone?

"Hi there."

William jumped, knocking a pile of boxes over. Costumes and stage props spilled out.

A girl stood at the entrance of the tent. She couldn't have been any older than the kids William had nearly eaten today. But what stood out were her eyes. They were a vivid, electric shade of blue. The more William looked at those eyes, the more… inhuman they looked. Upon making eye contact, she smiled at William with the whitest teeth he'd ever seen.

"Are you lost?" the girl asked innocently.

"I – yes." William berated himself. The kids from earlier had set his nerves on edge. Even if the lights from outside gave the girl an unearthly glow, she was still human. More importantly, she was edible. He flashed his I'm a Friendly Tourist and You Can Trust Me Smile. "Can you direct me to the nearest road?"

"Isn't it dangerous to be roaming these woods at night?" a different voice called from the other side of the tent.

A boy with eyes as blue as the girl's appeared on the stage. They were even wearing the same colors: baby blue and black. The boy flashed a smile at William, although his was less friendly than the girl's.

"In fact," the boy hopped off the stage with catlike grace. "I don't think we could possibly let you go out there alone."

"I'll be fine," William said through gritted teeth.

William found himself positioned between the two kids: a perfect opportunity to strike. William began to work the mind control, feeling for any mental cracks in the children's minds. With the right amount of prodding, these kids would be completely under his control.

Only... William couldn't get into their heads.

This wasn't possible; every human he encountered succumbed to mind control, even the most stubborn ones. The seconds stretched by in silence, with William struggling and his polite facade unraveling. He had to get control before these kids caught on and realized something was-

"Do you feel that, sister? I think our guest is trying to _mind-control_ us."

If William had any blood left in him, it would have run cold.

"Surely not!" the girl said with mock surprise. "After we've offered him such hospitality too..."

Only now did William notice the girl wasn't just standing at the entrance. She was blocking his only exit.

For the first time since he'd been turned, William felt the instinct to run. Was it worth abandoning his one prospective meal? There were two humans: one at the exit, one on the stage. William eyed both the children. Neither came any closer to him, giving him the best opportunity he'd get.

William made a break for the exit.

Only a few strides from freedom, an unseen forced jerked him back. He fought against it with superhuman strength. But every limb in his body became immobile, as if invisible push-pins had been stuck into him. William struggled against it, but with growing panic, he realized moving of his own free will was impossible. A blue glow surrounded him. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the boy had his hand around his bolo tie, the same blue glow emanating from it.

William's floated onto the stage in a frozen position of panic. Was this how humans felt when he chased after them? The children stared intensely at each other, not saying a word but holding an entire conversation William wasn't invited to listen in on.

He came to a stop on the middle of the stage. The girl hopped onto the stage, inspecting every inch of William's body. "It looks like we have a trespasser."

With sudden brutal force, she yanked William's jaw open. He couldn't cry out, couldn't even move his eyes as the girl loomed over him. "From the looks of him, I'd say he's a vampire."

How could a child with such an innocent face know what he was?

"Now, sister, play nice," the boy said, still gripping the jewel on his bolo tie. "Just because this vampire broke onto our property and we have every right to do what we please with him _doesn't_ mean you get to kill him."

The girl pouted. "I never said I was going to kill him.

"Still, I am curious," the boy said. "We've never had a live vampire to analyze. And it's been _so_ long since I dissected something."

"Brother, can a vampire survive without its heart?" the girl said.

"I can't say for sure. I supposed we'll have to test your theory…" The boy looked up at William, a sinister glint in his eyes.

With a wave of the boy's free hand, a pair of scissors floated out from one of the boxes. William watched helplessly as they drifted toward him. The girl snatched the scissors out of the air and stroked the blades. Her fingers curled around the handle, and she smiled as if she had just received a shiny new toy.

The girl gazed adoringly at the boy. "I've got a good feeling about this town."

"I couldn't agree with you more, dear sister."

They turned their attention back to the vampire pinned to the stage. With a nod from the boy, the girl raised her scissors.

William was right about the woods. They were quiet and far away from any human contact. Unfortunately for William, they were also far away from anyone who could possibly help him.

For that reason, no living souls heard William's screams.

* * *

 **XLNRMT HLLM GL TIZERGB UZOOH: GSV GVOVKZGSB GDRMH! GSVRI OZGVHG ZXG: NZPRMT Z EZNKRIV WRHZKKVZI!**

* * *

 **A/N: So this chapter ended up being _way_ longer than I intended. I almost thought about splitting it up, but by the time I considered it, I was almost done anyways. So yeah, that's the first "episode" of this fic! There was a lot to cram in, which again, might be why this second chapter ended up being so long. Just wanted to introduce a handful of characters. That being said, I am _very_ excited for the next episode. I hope you all liked this first one! I know Bill not actually showing up yet may be kind of bummer, but don't worry, he'll get his day in sun...**


	3. The Telepathy Twins - Part I

"So Robbie Valentino, what makes _you_ the best candidate to work at the Craft Shack?"

Robbie Valentino hadn't known what to expect when he came in for an interview at the Craft Shack. But he most certainly hadn't expected to be interviewed by a ten-year old boy.

Technically, Bud Gleeful had already given him the job, but his son Gideon had insisted on a, "follow-up" interview. So despite being firmly seated at the cash register and even getting a nametag, Robbie found himself under the scrutiny of Gideon. Because he was too short to be intimidating, Gideon stood on the counter. He also held a clipboard, although Robbie hadn't seen him write anything down.

"Well... I'm good with computers," Robbie said. He realized he hadn't seen a single computer in the Craft Shack. "And I have plenty of free time! I can work literally all day!"

Gideon peered up from his clipboard but didn't respond.

"Not because I don't have friends or anything!" Robbie added.

"Interesting." Gideon scribbled something on the clipboard. Robbie didn't have to know it was gibberish. He leaned across the counter so he was nose-to-nose with Robbie. "Tell me, Robbie, are you equipped to handle monsters?"

"...sure."

"Ghosts?"

"...yeah."

"Is Robbie your _real_ name?"

"I already told you Robbie's harmless!" Pacifica said from the other side of the gift shop. "He's like a puppy if it wore glasses and understood binary."

Robbie tugged at his shirt collar and smiled nervously. Judging by his noodle limbs and tendency to polish his glasses way too often, Gideon supposed Robbie didn't pose much of a threat. And anyone who wore a pocket protector was either a huge geek or ironically trying to be one. There was no irony with Robbie.

Gideon lowered himself off the counter. "Very well. You're hired, Robbie Valentino."

"Victory! Now you wanna see how many scrunchies I can fit around my ponytail?" Pacifica brandished a grocery bag stuffed with patterned scrunchies. "I need you to keep count."

The door swept open and Soos barged in. "Speaking of traveling magic acts, check out this flyer I found!"

"Literally no one was talking about that," Pacifica pointed out.

"I can live with that. Besides, you dudes gotta see this flyer!" Soos unrolled the aforementioned flyer and laid it out on the floor. Gideon, Pacifica, and even Robbie gathered around to see just what was so special about it.

"It's so shiny," Pacifica said, her eyes glistening with ideas.

The paper was thick and glossy, unlike the cheap stuff Bud used to advertise the Craft Shack. What grabbed all of them though was the silhouette of two people with their arms linked. Their outlines were filled in with glittering stars, and shimmery light burst from each person's hand. Written above in silvery cursive was _The Telepathy Twins._

"'For a night of wonder and tricks so true,'" Gideon read, "'The Telepathy Twins are waiting for you.' That's gotta be interesting!"

"It's pretty subpar for a poem though. Stanza structure's way funky and the syllable flow is..." Robbie trailed off upon realizing he was the only one who cared.

Pacifica rolled her eyes. "Oh great. One of _those_."

"One of what?" Gideon said.

"One of those sideshow circus acts that comes through Gravity Falls advertising, 'Amazement!' and 'Acts that will leave you breathless!'" Pacifica said, mockery in full-force. "When in actuality it's a shoddily made scam whipped up to bait off the locals."

"Those sideshows weren't all fake!" Gideon said. "Were they?"

"Remember that freakshow that came through town one summer?" Pacifica said.

Gideon gasped. The one featuring _The Luigi Mermaid_. He'd _loved_ that freakshow. "You don't mean-"

"Puppets," she said solemnly. "I could make out the staples."

While Gideon had his entire worldview shattered, Robbie examined the flyer. "It says here at the bottom the opening show is tonight."

"Even if the show does turn out to be fake, we should still go!" Gideon said. "You know, scope out the competition and stuff. We'll be like spies for the Craft Shack! Please, guys?"

"Sorry dawg, I'm working in the cemetery tonight. Someone's gotta keep those bodies down!" Soos said.

"And I can't spy _for_ the Craft Shack because I'll be working _in_ the Craft Shack," Robbie said. "I can't afford to slack off on my first shift."

Gideon turned hopefully to Pacifica. "Well? What do you say, Paz?"

Pacifica couldn't say no to those big blues eyes, even when she knew Gideon was milking the fact that he was cute as a button. "Fine. But trust me, the only people who are gonna show up are gullible morons latching onto the first remotely exciting thing to happen in this town."

* * *

Pacifica was right. The entire town showed up to the Tent of Telepathy.

Considering the Tent of Telepathy was located somewhat deep in the woods, the turnout was a surprise even to Pacifica. Gideon and Pacifica waited toward the back of the line while the crowd clamored for a first look inside the enigmatic new attraction. Even Gideon tried to get a sneak peak. Pacifica tapped her foot impatiently.

"Ugh, what is taking so long?" Pacifica craned her neck toward the front the line. She spotted someone at the front, and her eyes narrowed. "Oh joy."

"What is it, Paz?" Gideon asked.

"Wendy Corduroy," Pacifica said, venom in her voice.

Gideon peered over to the person Pacifica was glaring daggers at. He saw a disinterested teenage girl collecting ticket money. She could pass for a vampire - well, maybe not, given Gideon's previous encounter with one. Still, she was wearing enough black to supply an entire funeral procession. Not to mention the copious amounts of eyeliner. The only color she had was a her flaming red hair.

Wendy didn't seem like the type who would frequent the Craft Shack; no wonder Gideon didn't remember her. "So... is Wendy a local?"

"She's a major jerkwad!" Pacifica said. "She hangs out with this gang of teenagers who do nothing but ruin people's lives! Also, I don't trust anyone who wears the same color every day of the year."

"You mean they break the law and stuff?"

"Probably. They like pulling, 'pranks,'" Pacifica said using air quotes. "Pranks - more like crimes against humanity! Last year on picture day, she dumped a bucket of black paint on me!"

Pacifica remembered the day all too clearly. Sixth grade Pacifica had painstakingly picked the perfect outfit: metallic turquoise legwarmers, a glittery yellow dress with a giant bow on the back, and one more giant fuchsia bow on her head for consistency. In an instant, all her hard work was undone. She never could get those black paint stains out.

Gideon and Pacifica finally made it to the front of the line. Wendy's face twisted into a scowl upon seeing Pacifica.

"Northwest."

"Corduroy."

"You're just lucky my boss cares more about profits." Wendy begrudgingly handed two tickets to Pacifica and Gideon.

The Tent of Telepathy was filled to the brim with townspeople. Gideon could only imagine this many people coming to the Craft Shack. Gideon and Pacifica managed to squeeze into one of the back rows, while even more people opted to stand. The setup was relatively basic: rows of church-style pews with a stage set at the front. Baby blue curtains the same shade as the tent adorned the stage.

Gideon marveled at the sheer size of the tent. "What do you think these Telepathy Twins are gonna do? I hope it's nothing scary..."

Pacifica scoffed. "Probably pull a rabbit out of a hat. Like I said, these shows are just clever parlor tricks. Anyone with enough charisma can pull them off."

The lights dimmed and the crowd quieted down. Two spotlights fell onto the stage. The curtains began to ripple, as if the curtain was trying to break free from its entrappings. A voice belonging to a crusty old man (at least that's what Gideon interpreted it as) came from a speaker:

"Introducing, for the first time to Gravity Falls, a spectacle fit only for the most daring of human eyes! On this stage tonight, you will witness magic, mayhem, and _wonder_! From between the realm of time and space we bring you... _The Telepathy Twins_!"

The curtains dropped to the floor, revealing an empty stage. The baby blue pile of curtains moved of its own volition, rising back up and giving the illusion that _something_ was underneath them. Gideon made out two silhouettes. The lights flashed once, then twice, and on the third time, the curtains exploded into a cloud of glitter. The glitter settled and the audience's eyes adjusted.

Gone were the curtains draped on the floor. A boy and a girl stood back-to-back wearing the same baby blue shade of the curtains. The Telepathy Twins had made their entrance.

The crowd clapped enthusiastically. Gideon and Pacifica both gaped at the Telepathy Twins.

" _Those_ are the Telepathy Twins?" Gideon said.

"But they're _kids_ ," Pacifica said, suddenly feeling very unaccomplished in her life. They had to be around her age.

Even if the rest of the show turned out to be a fraud, Pacifica couldn't deny the Telepathy Twins actually were twins. Both had brown hair, the same heart-shaped faces, and even their heights were the same. What stood out the most though were their eyes. They were an otherworldly shade of electric blue and under the stage lights, they almost _glowed_.

The Telepathy Twins looked out into the audience with smiles plastered on their faces. The girl stepped forward. "Well, well, brother, it appears we have _more_ than a full house tonight."

The people standing in the back cheered at being acknowledged.

"Welcome to the show!" the girl said. "I'm Mabel Pines..."

"...and _I'm_ Dipper Pines," the boy finished. "And yes, the birthmark _is_ real."

Gideon and Pacifica took notice of the birthmark on Dipper's forehead. With his hair slicked back, it was in view for everyone to see. The birthmark bore an eerie resemblance to the Big Dipper. In normal circumstances, the birthmark might have looked ridiculous, but Dipper wore it with such confidence. His baby blue button-up and black pants added to the look. The finishing touch was a bolo tie with a turquoise gemstone.

"And have we got a show for _you_ tonight!" Mabel said. She wore a black leotard and a cropped baby blue jacket, along with black tights and a pair of heels. She also wore headband bejeweled with the same turquoise gem her brother wore in his bolo tie. "In fact, I predict that by the time we're done talking, you extraordinary people will burst into roaring applause."

They both struck poses, one mirroring the other. They moved simultaneously, as if one were looking at mirror image of the other. When no applause immediately happened, Dipper said, "You wouldn't want to _disappoint us_ now, would you?"

The crowd did just as they predicted. Amongst the applause, Pacifica was one of the few not to clap.

Mabel raised her arms. The audience quieted down, as if she'd really cast a spell. "Now for this first act, we'll need… a volunteer."

The audience went into a frenzy. Even Pacifica got swept into the excitement. Everyone clamored for the prized volunteer spot, shouting and even shoving each other aside to get the attention of the Telepathy Twins. Dipper and Mabel let them go crazy, observing the madness they'd induced and building up the suspense.

"Let's see," Dipper said. He made a show of looking out to everyone in the audience, even the people in the back. "I think we'll have to go with..."

" _You,_ " a voice whispered in Gideon's ear.

Gideon jumped out of his seat. Standing over him like a guardian angel was Mabel Pines herself. How did she appear next to him!? He could have sworn he'd just seen her on the stage!

Mabel smiled, radiating poise and confidence. "Don't look so nervous; I'm not going to turn you into a frog! What's your name?"

"G-gideon," he stammered.

"Well, Gideon, you have the great honor of being our volunteer tonight!" Mabel held out her hand. "Most people would die to be in your position. Am I right, folks?"

The audience cheered, and Mabel soaked in all their applause. Gideon took her hand and she lead him through the crowd. He felt so self-conscious with all the eyes on him. Mabel didn't seem to mind though. In fact, she practically basked in the glow of the stage lights. The audience was her plaything, and she knew just the right buttons to push.

Dipper on the other hand seemed more reserved than his sister. No doubt he had the same showmanship, but while Mabel smiled and waved at the adoring audience, he stood on the stage silently observing everyone. Maybe he was rehearsing the show in his head. Maybe he was keeping tabs on the audience. His blank facial expression gave nothing away. All Gideon could tell was that behind those vivid blue eyes, Dipper was thinking. _A lot_.

Mabel brought Gideon to the very center of the stage. He tried to spot Pacifica, but the lights were so bright he couldn't see very far into the audience.

"Let's show some support for Gideon!" Mabel said, still holding his hand. The audience obeyed enthusiastically. Mabel flashed another luminescent smile to the crowd.

Dipper joined his sister center stage. "Now what we _didn't_ tell you is that Gideon here isn't our only volunteer..."

The audience fell silent. Dipper and Mabel kept them waiting with baited breath. Their grasp on the audience was entrancing - it was as if they had a secret they wanted to share with the audience, and they were waiting for just the right moment to drop it.

"You're _all_ volunteers in this act!" Mabel said with a flourish of her hand. Sparkles burst from her hand and shot out in to the audience. The crowd went wild.

Pacifica heard an audience member say, "Aw, that's so sweet!"

"For once I'm included in something," another audience member whispered.

"Seriously?" Pacifica muttered. The gesture was cute, but cornier than a corn maze. It was just a ploy to win over the audience. And sparkles? That was overdoing it just a little bit, and that was coming from a girl wearing five scrunchies.

But it worked in their favor; the Telepathy Twins now had a firm grip over the audience.

"Now in order for this to work, we're going to need you all to focus on our volunteer here," Dipper said. While the twins moved about the stage with ease, Gideon was painfully stiff. "You see, we intend..."

"...to make the lovely Gideon _fly_!" Mabel finished. A chorus of ooh's and aah's met their proclamation.

Gideon's face was paler than his hair. Pacifica wouldn't be surprised if he fainted right there on the stage. She watched Mabel nod to Dipper, one of the many unspoken exchanges she'd noticed between the two of them. Maybe it was some weird twin thing.

"Now, Gideon," Mabel said. She leaned in close to Gideon. Intimately close. "For this to work, we're going to need your absolute trust. Do you trust us?"

"I-I don't... of course. I trust you!" Gideon said.

"Excellent!" Mabel turned her attention back toward her beloved audience. "Now everyone, stare at Gideon! Whatever you hear, whatever you see, do _not_ let your eyes off of him until we say so! Dipper!"

Dipper stepped forward. He kept one hand on his bolo tie, but the other hand was raised like a conductor in command of an orchestra. He began to speak.

"By the power bestowed upon us, from the depths of the earth and the sky, release us from our gravitational coil, and make this boy _fly_!"

A blue glow surrounded Gideon and very slowly, he began to rise off the ground. Pacifica couldn't believe it. She hadn't intended to follow the twins' instructions, but she couldn't take her eyes off Gideon. There had to be some way they were doing that, some kind of trick to make Gideon look like he was flying. By now, Gideon was high above the stage, a mix of panic and wonderment on his face.

"I hope you're all focusing on our delightful volunteer!" Mabel said. "Because now the important part of show comes: _you_. I want you all to look at the floor."

Pacifica did so with the rest of the audience. Her feet weren't touching the ground. The _entire pew_ wasn't touching the ground.

The audience erupted into screams and cheers. Pacifica gasped. "How are they doing this?"

It was like an invisible hand had reached down and lifted everyone up. The entire audience slowly rose higher and higher up until they were at the very roof of the tent. The higher they got, the louder the cheers grew. Pacifica glanced over at Gideon. He too was now smiling and cheering. Dipper and Mabel triumphantly watched over the entire spectacle.

They gently came back down to the ground, the benches landing with a _thud_. Gideon fell suddenly, but Dipper and Mabel were right there to catch him. All part of the act, of course.

"Give it up for Gideon everyone!" Mabel said.

By now, Pacifica couldn't believe the audience wasn't tired of clapping. The applause was loud enough to bring the tent down. Pacifica had to hand it to the Telepathy Twins; that was an amazing magic trick. Almost too amazing. Pacifica couldn't fathom how they'd gotten so many people flying like that. She'd witnessed it though - her own body resisted the pull of gravity.

But if there was one thing she learned, magic was really just secrets. So what were the Telepathy Twin's secrets?

* * *

Somehow, Mabel and Dipper topped the act with Gideon. Then they topped _that_ act. Their tricks defied the laws of physics, and every time Pacifica thought she'd figured out how each trick worked, the twins pulled off something impossible. They never even broke a sweat. Gideon and Pacifica were both pulled into the strange, twisted magic show, and they each forgot their respective fears and suspicions.

By the time the Telepathy Twins made their bows, the entire town cheered thunderously, including Gideon and Pacifica. Dipper and Mabel could have demanded the key to Gravity Falls and the townspeople would have probably given it to them.

"That was incredible!" Gideon said as he and Pacifica exited the tent. "Remember the part where Mabel floated inside a bubble? How did she even do that!?"

"Yeah, for parlor tricks, they were pretty well done!" Pacifica said. She suddenly stopped walking. "Shoot, I left my jacket in the tent. Be right back, Gideon."

While Gideon waited for Pacifica, a familiar face appeared from the side of the tent.

"Well hello there, stranger."

"Eek!" Gideon whirled around and came to face-to-face with Mabel Pines herself. She still wore her performance gear, but without her brother by her side, it seemed like one half of a missing whole.

Mabel laughed playfully. "Still jumpy, aren't you?"

"Yeah, you probably figured out by now I'm a little... tense," Gideon said.

"I don't mind," Mabel said. "I was just hoping you'd still be here after the show."

"Really?"

"Of course! You're such a standout with that white hair of yours," Mabel remarked. "That's why I picked you as volunteer."

Gideon had no idea why Mabel was being so nice to him. Or why his cheeks felt so... warm? "Uh, thanks! Most kids make fun of it."

"Then those kids are horrible! I'm sure they'll die alone," Mabel said with a laugh. Gideon laughed too, not sure if he should find that funny or sad.

Before Gideon could say anything, an old man in a blue suit and darkened glasses came stalking from the Tent of Telepathy. He looked like the kind of person Bud warned Gideon not to approach in mall parking lots.

"There you are! We need to go over-" the man laid eyes on Gideon and scowled. He stepped in front of Mabel. "Great, another admirer. Sorry kid, if you wanna talk to the Telepathy Twins, it's ten bucks a minute."

"We have a discount today!" Mabel cut in.

"The heck you talking about? I ain't charging less for some-"

" _We have a discount today_ ," Mabel repeated. She glared at him. Despite the age difference, Mabel clearly had the power in the situation, and the man backed down with little resistance.

"Yeesh, fine."

As he slunk away, Mabel turned back to Gideon. "You'll have to excuse my Grunkle Stan. His priorities are... fiscal in nature."

"Grunkle?" Gideon said, confused.

"Short for, 'great-uncle,'" Mabel elaborated. "He's our manager. And a huge pain in the butt. He won't take me or Dipper anywhere around town! I'm so bored of being stuck in the woods."

"That does sound pretty dull," Gideon lied, knowing all to well just how, "boring" the woods really were. "Too bad your Grunkle Stan won't let you into town. Gravity Falls has a lot of really cool stuff - like a raccoon museum!"

"Say, you're from around here aren't you? You could show me around town!" Mabel said

Gideon frowned. "I mean I guess but-"

"It's a date then!" Mabel clapped her hands in delight. She leaned in and whispered, "I'll see _you_ tomorrow night."

Before Gideon could get in another word, Mabel left - surprisingly she did _not_ disappear in a puff of smoke. Gideon stood there with his mouth open. Had that just... happened? One minute Gideon knew where the conversation was going then the next minute it veered off into crazy territory.

Pacifica came out with her jacket secured around her waist. "Found it! Anything exciting happen while I was gone?"

"I... have a date," Gideon said as if only now realizing what had just happened.

"Oh, if that's all- wait, _what_!?"

* * *

When Gideon told Pacifica he had a date with Mabel Pines, she was ecstatic. She went on and on about, "Gideon's first date!" and how, "You're becoming a man now!" Gideon didn't feel much like a man. The next day they put mystery-hunting aside so Pacifica could tutor Gideon in the mysterious ways of dating. She'd taken it upon herself to prepare Gideon for his date in every way imaginable. This ranged from appropriate conversation topics to what to do if a they got attacked by a bear.

As the night drew closer, Pacifica continued to grill Gideon; at one point they used Soos as a stand-in for Mabel. Using a flipchart and a broom as the pointer, Pacifica went through what do to and what _not_ to do on the date. Minutes before Mabel's estimated arrival time, their biggest debate was the hat.

"It protects me from vampires!" Gideon argued. "What if I encounter another one while I'm with Mabel?"

"First of all, the journal said that vampires are a rare occurrence in Gravity Falls," Pacifica countered. "Second of all, you told me Mabel liked your hair! You can barely see it if you keep the hat on."

That was just the way Gideon liked it. White as a snowstorm since birth, his bushel of hair had always been a pain in every sense of the word. It also quite literally made him a target in school. When he was in third grade, the older kids called him "Old Man Gleeful" for an entire year. So he had a perfectly reasonable explanation for being so self-conscious over his hair. But Mabel _did_ say she liked it...

A proposal came to Gideon's head. "Tell you what: I'll take the hat off when Mabel and I get dinner. _That's_ etiquette! _And_ I'll let you hold on to the journal."

Pacifica beamed like a proud mama duck sending her duckling out into the wild. "You drive a hard bargain, Gleeful. But I'll take it. With my dating experience and your adorableness, this date is going to be a cinch!"

"I am pretty adorable," Gideon agreed. "But are you sure I'm ready? What if I mess up?"

"Honestly? This is gonna sound super cliche, but if all else fails, just be yourself," Pacifica said. "If Mabel really likes you, then you shouldn't have to pretend to be something you're not. Trust me, that _never_ ends well."

Gideon and Pacifica heard a knock on the front door. The time had come. _It's just one date,_ Gideon reminded himself. It wasn't like he was getting married to Mabel.

"Don't worry, Gideon, I got the door. If Mabel wants to date you, she's gonna have to go through _me_." Pacifica pretended to cock the broom as if it were a shotgun and darted downstairs.

Pacifica threw open the front door. Mabel was out of her performance getup and wearing a much more casual skirt and blouse. Even offstage, she still wore the same baby blue color scheme.

"Hi, Mabel!" Pacifica said cheerfully.

Mabel did not return the greeting. Her gaze drifted around the Shack, falling last onto Pacifica. "Where's Gideon?"

"He'll be down soon," Pacifica responded. "But you can wait inside!"

Mabel didn't move from the doorway. Pacifica's smile grew bigger, if only to make up for the fact that she had no idea what else to say to Mabel. The two stood there in awkward silence. Mabel inspected her nails. Pacifica kept smiling.

"So... how's it feel living around trees?" Pacifica said. _Why did I say that!?_ she thought.

Mabel looked up. "Oh, I didn't realize you were still trying to socialize."

Pacifica laughed for several long seconds. "Good one, Mabel!"

Mabel did nothing to carry on the conversation. Both girls went back to standing in silence for what felt like hours. Pacifica tapped her foot nervously. If Mabel was acting like this now, who knew how she'd act on her date with Gideon? Pacifica needed some kind of conversation topic. But what? She didn't know Mabel, let alone what Mabel was interested in.

Pacifica spotted a book tucked under Mabel's arm. It had a glossy pink cover, and scrawled in elegant cursive was _Romantic Conquests_. In other words: a _perfect_ conversation starter. "Nice book you got there!"

Mentioning her book finally got Mabel to acknowledge Pacifica. "Oh, this? It's a scrapbook of all the boys I've dated. I like to document the memories."

Mabel flipped through the book, showing an array of boys. One boy had long, flowing brown hair and an alluring smile. Another boy peeked shyly at the camera from underneath his hoodie. One boy was even holding up two puppets! All the pictures had hearts and other romantic doodles drawn around them.

"That is so cool!" Pacifica said. "I should have done that with the guys I dated!"

"You mean boys willingly date you?" Mabel said with a sneer.

"Uh… yeah."

Pacifica felt the blood rising to her cheeks. She knew the feeling: shock, then rage. And then like a snake against its prey, she struck. "Why? Do you only know how to force guys to go out with you?"

Oh no. She'd done it again. Mabel looked aghast. Pacifica wished she could take her words back, but Mabel's comment cut deep. Mabel probably hadn't even meant it that way. But the damage was done, and tension was even tighter between the two of them. _Say something,_ she admonished herself. But Pacifica's mind had gone absolutely blank.

Thankfully, Gideon came in at just the right time.

"Hi Mabel!"

Mabel saw Gideon and switched moods instantly. "There you are! I was wondering when you'd show up."

"Haha, yeah. I was just upstairs getting ready. You know, normal dating stuff." Gideon blushed. "So... you ready?"

"Yes! More than ready!" Mabel said.

Remembering Pacifica's tutelage, Gideon grabbed Mabel's hand much to her delight. She met Pacifica's eyes one last time, and although her smile was bright, her eyes were clouded over with contempt. Pacifica tried not to dwell too hard on it.

After Gideon and Mabel left, Pacifica went into a gift shop and opened a fashion magazine. She tried to concentrate on the words and the flashy clothes, but the pages were a haze. Her thoughts kept drifting back to Mabel's behavior. Pacifica knew to be supportive of Gideon, especially for a milestone like his first date. But her happiness for Gideon didn't get rid of the knots in her stomach.

Robbie peered over his issue of _No Social Life Weekly._ "Something eating ya, P?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but have you ever dated _anyone_ , Robbie?" Pacifica said.

"Nope," Robbie said with a surprising lack of shame. "I'm well-aware of my strengths. Dating is _not_ one of them."

* * *

Despite hours of dating practice, Gideon was plunged into completely uncharted territory the minute he walked out the door with Mabel.

At first, everything went off without a hitch. Gideon complimented Mabel's headband (as Pacifica had instructed), Mabel thanked him, and they went on to town. But once Gideon started showing Mabel around town, he felt more like _Mabel_ was the one parading _him_ around. She stopped to greet every townsperson they met along the way, quick to mention she was on a date with Gideon. Only minutes after they left, she'd then turn to Gideon and start speculating on each townsperson's deepest, darkest secrets.

Not only that, Mabel wanted to know _everything_ about the town itself, right down to the floor plans. Gideon fumbled his way through half her answers, and she absorbed everything he said with rapt attention. He could cross tour guide off careers he wanted when he grew up.

By the time they made it to dinner, Gideon was exhausted. Mabel insisted on eating at the nicest restaurant in Gravity Falls and told Gideon, "not to worry about the price." Which was good for Gideon; he _wasn't_ worrying about the price. He was worrying about everything else.

Mabel effortlessly disemboweled a lobster while telling Gideon about her time in showbiz. "And when the witch doctor found out we'd been spiriting away his customers, he threatened to place a curse on our entire family! We're banned from Louisiana now."

"So I take you guys move around a lot?" Gideon said.

"Oh yes! We've been all over the country! I have to say though Gravity Falls might be my favorite place we've been to. It definitely has the best _people_ ," Mabel said. She tilted her head and gazed lovingly at Gideon.

This was going way too fast. Gideon desperately looked for something to change the subject. "Say, have you been to the bathroom? They have seashell-shaped soap!"

"Is this the first time you've had a date in a nice restaurant?" Mabel asked.

"This is the first time I've ever been on a date!" Gideon said.

"Oh my stars, you're _untarnished_ ," Mabel said dreamily.

Gideon laughed nervously. "That's one way to put it."

"You're so charming, Gideon! I don't think I've ever been on such an enchanting date." Mabel cupped her hand around his cheek. Gideon wanted to recoil on instinct, but he managed to restrain himself. He wasn't ready for this _at all_. Mabel ran her fingers through his hair before drawing away. He could have sworn she plucked one of his hairs out. "And I'm certain the next date is going be even _more_ promising!"

"Next... date?" Gideon said unable to hide his shock anymore.

"Think about it, Gideon," Mabel said. "With my people skills and your charm, we can _rule_ this town. Wouldn't that be lovely?"

She spoke like she and Gideon were going to take over the world. Was this how couples worked? A pit began forming in Gideon's stomach, and it wasn't from the lobster. He felt like he'd dived into an ocean without knowing how to swim. He didn't know what made a good relationship, but he didn't think being around someone who made him uncomfortable was a good sign.

Gideon realized one day too late he shouldn't have agreed to this date. Now how did he get that across Mabel?

He puffed up his chest, suddenly wishing there _was_ a vampire to confront. "Mabel, I appreciate your offer, but there isn't going to be a second date."

The restaurant was full of people, but in that moment, there was absolute _silence_ between the two of them. Mabel's face twisted into a range of emotions: surprise, confusion, and then finally, desperation. "What!? Why!? Is there something wrong with me?"

"It's not that! Mabel, you're a really cool person. But..." Gideon shifted uncomfortably in his seat. For all the advice Pacifica had given Gideon on dating, she'd forgotten to tell him how to end one.

"Is it the restaurant? Is it too fancy?" Mabel said.

"What? No!"

"It's the lobster isn't it? I knew I shouldn't have gone with seafood."

"No, that's not what I–"

"If it's age you're worried about, I'm only twelve!" Mabel said in a high-strung voice. She desperately grabbed Gideon's hand. "When you look at it in perspective, a two-year age difference is nothing! There are plenty of couples who are decades apart."

"It's not any of that!" Gideon said.

Mabel was silent. Then in a low-pitched voice she said, "Is it your _friend_?"

Her change of tone took Gideon aback. "Pacifica?"

Pacifica's name turned Mabel's demeanor from panicked to downright _threatened_. "I knew it."

"It has nothing to do with you _or_ Pacifica!" Gideon said. He let go of Mabel's hand. "Look, I just don't think I'm ready for dating yet. I wanted to be polite, but I don't want to lead you on, Mabel. You're talented and interesting, and you'll probably find someone amazing to date. But I don't think that person is me."

Mabel's face went blank, still working out Gideon's confession. "I see."

"So... can we be friends?" He chose his words delicately. Breaking the question to Mabel was like defusing a bomb - one wrong word, and he feared he'd set her off.

"Friends. Of course," Mabel said in a monotone voice.

She quickly regained her composure as if that entire conversation hadn't happened. And while for the rest of dinner she remained talkative and lively, Gideon couldn't forget the way she acted when he brought up Pacifica.

* * *

Gideon found Pacifica on the front porch of the Shack. She was lying upside down and flipping through the journal. Gideon sat down next to her on the steps.

"So how'd it go?" Pacifica asked.

"It was… okay."

"Just okay?" Pacifica sprung into an upright sitting position. "So I take it Date #2 isn't happening anytime soon?"

"Probably not at all…" Gideon said. "Mabel's cool, but she's kind of intense. I don't know if I'm even comfortable with dating yet. That's normal, right?"

"Of course it is! Gideon, dating's no rush. You'll know when…" Pacifica hesitated. For all the preparation she put Gideon through, she'd never asked if he wanted to date Mabel. "I didn't… pressure you into going on this date, did I?"

"Of course not! I wanted to go. Really, I did! Besides, you gave me all those cool pointers!" Gideon said.

"Are you sure?"

"110% sure."

"Can't argue with those percentages. It's probably for the better that things didn't work out with Mabel. I didn't want to tell you, but I kind of got a weird vibe from her," Pacifica admitted.

"You and me both," Gideon said, breathing a sight of relief.

"Look on the bright side!" Pacifica said. "One day when you're older, you'll go on a date with an awesome girl! Or an awesome boy! Or a swamp monster!"

"If I date a swamp monster, I'm probably under some kind of spell. You'd better break me from it," Gideon said, half-joking and half-serious.

"According to the journal, they don't cast spells!" Pacifica flipped open to a page detailing a very grumpy-looking swamp monster. "They are very accommodating once you best them in gladiatorial water combat. I sense a trip to the pool!"

"Can it wait until tomorrow?"

"Totally, dork." Pacifica set the journal down. "I'm headed home. Be warned: I am bringing pool tubes tomorrow!"

"Night, Paz."

"Night!"

Once Pacifica had left, Gideon leaned back toward the stars. The skies really were clear in Gravity Falls. He could make out the constellations he'd read about in his stargazing books.

Yet when he looked into the stars tonight, all he could think about was Mabel. Not in the flustered-and-hopelessly-in-love kind of way. In a worried way. Maybe Gideon was being paranoid. Mabel was just as much a kid as he was. A strange, kind of possessive kid, but Gideon couldn't deny he was any less weird.

Gideon picked up the journal. Too bad the author didn't write anything about dating.

* * *

Behind the Tent of Telepathy, Mabel threw knives.

Her targets were the trees. When she looked at each one, she didn't see a tree. Instead she saw an annoying blonde girl with a stupid jacket and braces. She threw a knife, hitting the tree dead center. If it were a human, it would have pierced the heart. Mabel smiled at that thought.

"He's just a boy, you know," Dipper said.

Mabel's smile faded. Dipper leaned against one of the trees, watching her practice. He was teasing her again - he'd been doing it all night. He didn't think the love she and Gideon shared was true. And maybe he was also concerned she'd get her heart broken again. That was why she had to prove him wrong.

"He's more than just a boy!" Mabel screamed. She threw the next knife, this one embedding deep into the tree. It wasn't good enough. She wanted to hit that tree at its roots. She wanted to see it slowly split apart into papery strips.

"That's what you said about the last one," Dipper said, ever the voice of reason. "Mabel, I thought we agreed things would be different here. We need to focus."

"Easy for you! What am I supposed to do when my soulmate walks in? Just _ignore_ him?" On that last sentence, Mabel threw another knife. This one flew past the tree and into the woods.

She... missed. She _hated_ missing.

"Mabel?" She didn't respond. Dipper inched away from the trees. "Mabel?"

The gem on her headband began to glow. Mabel stared intensely into the trees. "Mabel's not here. She's in Sweater Town."

Dipper paled. "Sweater Town" had been their code since they were little. It was a warning that Mabel was about to snap, and Dipper had best get as far away from her as possible unless he wanted to get caught in the crossfire.

"Well, when she gets out of Sweater Town, let me know," Dipper said understandingly, heading into the tent.

This time she wouldn't miss.

The knife she'd lost flew back into her hand. She took aim, imagining her target with perfect clarity. With each motion, Gideon's face popped into her head. His laugh. His smile. Then _her._ The tree began to glow the same blue as the gem. One by one, its roots were yanked up from the ground. Mabel raised the knife, and with it the tree was completely uprooted form the ground.

And then Mabel had a revelation.

It was that girl keeping Gideon away from Mabel. With her mismatched clothes and her obnoxious laugh. She was probably talking to Gideon right now. Poisoning his sweet, innocent mind with ideas of keeping him away from Mabel forever. The sheer thought of her coming in-between their love caused Mabel to splinter the tree from the top down.

The tree peeled outward from the middle like broken fingers bent backwards. The heart. Mabel could now see the heart. She threw the knife.

The knife hit the tree with a _crack_. A tree that once stood high above her came crashing to the ground, the thud sending dirt and branches flying. A perfect hit. Mabel calmly walked through the wreckage and plucked the knife out of the stump. She knew what she had to do.

Gideon and Mabel were soulmates. Gideon just needed some persuasion.

* * *

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* * *

 **A/N: And so the Telepathy Twins have entered the building! I was really excited to write this story, but also nervous since it's the introduction chapter for Reverse Dipper and Mabel. I don't want to screw that up! My only regret it I wish there was more Dipper in this chapter, but I can say he _will_ appear more prominently in Part II. Stay tuned!**


	4. The Telepathy Twins - Part II

Gideon and Pacifica never made it to the pool. Pacifica didn't even make it past the Craft Shack. Early that morning she grabbed every pool tube and floatie she could find (including lots and lots of duct tape) and biked to the Shack. She shoved herself through the door, pool toys barely squeezing past. There was Robbie at the cash register, Bud at the Needlepoint Motivational Quotes table, but no sign of Gideon.

Bud greeted her with his usual friendless. "A happy hello to you, Pacifica! Are you looking for Gideon?"

"Yeah," Pacifica replied. "Is he up yet?"

"He left an hour ago with Mabel Pines!"

Pacifica's pool toys came crashing to the floor. " _What!?_ "

"Well, they are singing in harmony as I've heard lately!" Bud elaborated, not picking up on Pacifica's distress. "Nothing terribly serious from what I gather, but it's simply adorable!"

Pacifica was at a loss for words, a rarity for her. This just made zero sense. She remembered last night how relieved Gideon looked to be back at the Craft Shack and how clear he'd been about not dating Mabel again. What could have possibly happened between the twelve hours she'd left and now?

"It's just- we were gonna go to the pool- and- and... He told me last night he wasn't interested in dating her again!" Pacifica exclaimed. The words felt clunky. Her brain and mouth were on completely different levels.

"Really?" Bud said. "He said this morning he couldn't wait to see her again!"

She felt dizzy. And something was building up in her throat. Nothing physical, a feeling. Which was worse because she couldn't just throw that up and be rid of it. She couldn't stop fixating on the pool. She and Gideon should have been at the pool by now. Why would he be with Mabel? Did he not like Pacifica anymore? Bud must have realized now how badly Pacifica was taking the news. Why hadn't _he_ noticed something was off about Gideon seeing Mabel?

No, Pacifica couldn't get spun up around Bud. No matter how much he meant well, Bud couldn't help. Adults never could. She calmed herself down before asking, "Can I leave these in his room then?"

"Go right ahead!"

Pacifica gathered the pool toys and headed up. She knew her way to Gideon's room even after three years. They'd spent many a day chasing each other up and down the stairs to the attic. The door to Gideon's room was left open. Funny. Gideon typically closed the door. To, "give himself more time to escape if someone tried to enter his room." Not that it would do him much good since he was at the very top of the Shack, but Pacifica didn't have the heart to tell him that.

A little over a week a passed since the Gleefuls had arrived in town, and Gideon's room looked much more lived in. His bed wasn't made and several stuffed animals were scattered on it, most notably a fluffy sheep. He'd made a canopy out of clothespins and an old bedsheet. Books about stargazing and space were crammed into an old bookshelf.

Pacifica caught something on his nightstand that sent alarm bells ringing in her head. Gideon's blue and white hat was sitting there. That was odd. He was so adamant about wearing the hat last night. Why would he leave it behind? She went over and picked up the hat, examining the underlying tin foil.

One more thing caught her eye: the journal. Tucked underneath Gideon's pillow, probably untouched since he went to bed. It was one thing for Gideon to leave his hat behind, but the _journal_? He grabbed that the moment he got up, and if he didn't have it, he left it with Pacifica. She picked up the journal. It felt heavy in her hand. Why would he leave this behind?

The best plan of action was to wait in the Craft Shack for Gideon and ask him. Pacifica would wait all day if she had to.

* * *

While Pacifica waited for Gideon, she took the brunt of her frustrations out on Robbie. He was an acceptable listener, if she ignored the fact that he had his head buried in an issue of _Computers on Print_. Who even _made_ computer magazines? Didn't that defeat the whole point of having an actual computer?

"And the night Mabel came here, she became a completely different person when Gideon came downstairs!" Pacifica ranted. "One minute she was all Ice Queen then Gideon walked in and boom! She's the perkiest person in the room! I mean who does that!?"

Robbie didn't look up from his magazine. "Yep."

" _Great_ listening skills, Robbie," Pacifica said.

"Yep."

The door to the gift shop swung open. _Finally!_ Pacifica thought. In walked Gideon... with Mabel. They were practically glued together, laughing about something privy only to the two of them.

Pacifica cleared her throat in an attempt to get their attention. Their laughter died down, and Mabel said, "Oh, Atlantica, was it?"

"Pacifica, actually."

She didn't believe for one second Mabel messed her name up by accident.

Mabel snaked her arm around Gideon, maintaining eye contact with Pacifica. "So what brings you here then?"

"Just wanted to check on Gideon," Pacifica said. "You guys were gone for a whole day."

"Really? It all went by so quickly!" Gideon said. He didn't take his eyes off Mabel. "Mabel took me on a romantic canoe ride then we made flower crowns for each other! Today was the greatest day of my life!"

The cheeriness practically assaulted Pacifica. "Wow, okay. Didn't realize lake water and bugs were that amazing."

"It is! And Mabel's a dream come true. Such a dream!"

Something was... off. Gideon was at cheerleader levels of peppy and not a trace of anxiety in his voice either. Of course, Pacifica had displayed her fair share of off-character behavior to impress a boy. It didn't work anywhere near as many times as she hoped.

But last night, Gideon wasn't trying to impress Mabel. He was trying to get _away_ from her.

Bud came into the gift shop, hopefully to throw Mabel out and talk some sense into Gideon. Instead, he grinned as if meeting an old friend. "Well, Mabel Pines, the girl with sights on my little Gideon! It is an absolute joy to see you again!"

Pacifica stared dumbfounded.

"Oh stop it, Bud!" Mabel said. How was she already on a first-name basis with him? "Got anymore of those quilted pillows?"

"Not at the moment, but once we get some more in, I'll be sure to embroider one with your name on it!" Bud said.

"I'm gonna head on to bed. I've had a really exciting day!" Gideon said. He turned to Mabel. "See you tomorrow, my marshmallow?"

"Of course, my sugar cube!" Mabel gave him an innocent peck on the cheek and sent him giddily running up to his room. Pacifica felt like puking. "I need to get back to the Tent of Telepathy. Farewell, Bud, everyone else."

"Wait." Pacifica followed Mabel outside. "I need to talk to you."

Mabel wasn't pleased, but she didn't leave either. "Do make it quick. I have to rehearse with my brother."

"I'm a little concerned about you and Gideon," Pacifica said. Mabel said nothing, so she continued. "Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for Gideon -both of you- but I just want to make sure you're not forcing him into an... uncomfortable position. I mean, not _that_ kind of- he's ten years old, and you're like twelve or thirteen or twenty so... look, you're not pressuring him into go out with you, right?"

Pacifica couldn't tell what was going on behind Mabel's rouged cheeks and mascara-tinted blue eyes. Then she laughed. Not a genuine laugh - the kind used to make someone feel small and ridiculous. It was working.

"Oh, that's _adorable_ ," Mabel said. "What are you? His mother?"

"Gideon's mom is dead, you... insensitive human being!" Pacifica snapped.

"So you're not even related to him, are you?" The answer was _no_. But Pacifica couldn't say that; it was exactly what Mabel wanted to hear.

"Who cares if I'm not?" Pacifica retorted. "He's my friend, and I care about him!"

"Friends don't stick around forever," Mabel said. "Gideon told me about you. How suffocating it is being around you."

Pacifica was stunned. "He said... what?"

Mabel put a hand to her chest. "Oh, I wish I'd brought a camera with me! Your face is priceless! I'd feel the same way too if my brother was anywhere near as clingy as you. Honestly, did you expect Gideon to spend an entire summer with just _you_?"

The thing was she _did_. Gideon had been in Gravity Falls for a little over a week, but the three years they'd been apart effortlessly dissipated. There was never an awkward silence or worries about lost time. She was never scared that Gideon would up and abandon her.

Until now. Pacifica remained silent. She had nothing to say. She couldn't even look at Mabel.

Mabel smiled maliciously. She knew she'd won the conversation. Adding one final blow, Mabel said, "Why don't you go hang out with some other friends? That is, if you have any."

Pacifica silently held her head low. She couldn't bring herself to make eye contact. One look and she'd lash out at best or break down at worst. Damage done, Mabel turned her heel and left Pacifica standing on the porch.

Only when Mabel was far in the distance did Pacifica whisper, "I don't."

Pacifica didn't believe what Mabel said. Rationally, Gideon would never say something so cruel about her. But what if he _did_? Pacifica's imagination was worse than anything Mabel could say to her, and in her head, she saw Gideon hating her. Maybe he didn't right now- she didn't know! But that could change. Gideon could decide that she wasn't worth hanging out with anymore.

She'd spend another summer alone.

Pacifica inhaled sharply. She had to be sure. She already had suspicions about Mabel and Gideon's revived relationship. If Pacifica couldn't talk directly to them... maybe she could spy on them.

* * *

The next day, Pacifica switched out her rainbow letterman jacket for a men's trench coat and oversized sunglasses. The coat blew majestically in the wind while she was biking. Once she started walking though, the hem dragged, and Pacifica began to regret going incognito. Considering she looked like a lumpy bean with shades, she also garnered more looks from townspeople than intended.

The attention Pacifica received however was unparalleled to the amount Mabel and Gideon got. They were the closest thing to a celebrity couple the town of Gravity Falls had, and Mabel acted the part. She let people take pictures of them. She signed autographs. At one point she even left an ice cream sundae for two out in the open for local gossip Shandra Jimenez to scandalize over.

Not once did Gideon leave Mabel's side. Pacifica watched him closely for any sign of discomfort. He smiled at the right times, laughed at Mabel's stories, and doted on her at every chance he got. This couldn't seriously be the same Gideon Pacifica talked to last night.

... _was_ it?

Pacifica looked through the journal for anything about human cloning, doppelgängers, anything that could explain Gideon's switch in behavior. She found nothing conclusive.

Toward the end of the day, she'd tracked Mabel and Gideon to the arcade. They'd been playing _Sugar Sugar Kitty Crush_ for two hours. Pacifica hid behind the pinball machine, her legs cramping. As they walked out the door, Pacifica was ready to call it quits for the day.

As Pacifica stood up, a shadow appeared over her. "Oh great, look who's back to ruin my life again."

That slightly irritated, fully abrasive voice could only belong to one teenager. Pacifica spun around, grabbing the first improvisable weapon she could find: an empty slushie cup. Wendy stood over her like a lion that found someone sleeping in its den. Pacifica did not lower the slushie cup.

"Stay out of this, Corduroy!" Pacifica said, her voice cracking when she said Wendy's last name.

Wendy, a whole head taller than Pacifica, effortlessly knocked the cup out of her hand and grabbed her by the lapels of her trench coat.

"This is _my_ turf! What are you even..." Wendy spotted Mabel and Gideon leaving, looked back at Pacifica, and put two and two together. "Well, congrats. You've unlocked a whole new level of pathetic."

She let go. Pacifica slumped to the ground and removed her shades, feeling very ridiculous under Wendy's cold gaze. What did she really have to go on with her case against Mabel? A few prickly conversations and a vague sense of unease? "Look... I've had a rough day."

"If you start spilling emotional junk, your day's about to get a whole lot rougher," Wendy said.

Pacifica ignored her. "I mean, Gideon and Mabel _seem_ happy together. But last night Gideon said, 'I don't even know if I'm comfortable with dating yet.' Like those were his exact words! Why would he change his mind like that? And Mabel's been creepily possessive over him- how could I not think something weird is going on!?"

Wendy was silent for a moment. "You're not wrong."

"I don't expect you to understand! You don't even-" Pacifica stopped mid-tirade. "Wait, I'm not?"

"I know sketchy," Wendy said. "The Pines family? They're sketchy. They pay well, but _man,_ they are sketchy. And I've cased an abandoned asylum."

"So I could actually be on to something?" Pacifica said hopefully.

Wendy shrugged just as a reminder that she had no investment in Pacifica's situation. "Maybe, but you're not gonna find answers here. Anything weird about the Pines family is gonna be in that tent."

The Tent of Telepathy. Pacifica thought back to the night of show. There _was_ something strange about how impossible those magic tricks were. At the time, she'd dismissed her suspicions, but with Gideon acting weird and Mabel being right by his side, those suspicions were creeping right back into her head.

"And I'm only telling you this because it involves breaking onto private property," Wendy added. "Mabel's at the lake with Gideon, Stan's away on, 'business,' and Dipper's exploring the woods. If you want to look around, now is the time."

On a normal day, Pacifica didn't trust Wendy. But this wasn't a normal day. She got up to leave. "I can't believe I'm saying this but... thanks."

"By the way, Nate and Lee are stealing your bike."

"Again!?" Pacifica ran out of the arcade, trench coat billowing behind her.

Wendy made sure Pacifica was out of sight before dialing a number into her cell phone. It rang twice before someone picked up. "She's headed your way. Now how about that raise?"

"Perfect. You will be compensated," the person on the other end said.

"Sweet."

Wendy hung up. Someone with a clearer conscience might feel troubled, maybe even guilty, thinking about what she'd just done. The only thing on Wendy's mind was grabbing some pizza. After stealing quarters from the _Viva La Dance Revolution_ machine, Wendy left the arcade and didn't think twice about her conversation with Pacifica.

* * *

Pacifica stowed her reclaimed bike in some bushes and slipped into the Tent of Telepathy. Without the crowd, the tent felt skeletal. The lights were down, save for a single bare bulb on the stage. The curtains were pushed to the side, revealing a plain wooden backdrop.

"Anyone here?" Pacifica said. No one answered.

She tiptoed through the empty pews. What was she supposed to be looking for? She doubted the Pines had all their weird junk on display for everyone to see. The only area of the tent she'd never gotten a look at was backstage. It was a starting point at least.

Pacifica stepped onto the stage. She felt like she should be sitting in the audience watching a show, not up here. She could now see where the stage stopped and the backstage areas began. She could only imagine what it was like for the Telepathy Twins waiting in the wings, rehearsing their cues, and getting up to perform for strangers. She didn't know if she could do that. That didn't mean Mabel had to be such a jerk.

Backstage left, Pacifica spied an old leather prop chest. That was better than any leads she'd encountered stalking Mabel and Gideon. She went over and creaked the chest open.

The contents of the chest were straight out of an issue of _Shipley's Nobody's Gonna Believe You!_ She rifled through the chest finding amongst other things: a cracked crystal ball, a jar labeled _Vampire Ashes_ (filled with what she hoped was dust), an assortment of knives, dried up frog legs, and a pack of tarot cards.

At the very bottom, she picked up an ornate pink box labeled _Mabel's Things - DO NOT TOUCH (this means you, Dipper!)_. Pacifica opened the box, almost expecting an alarm to go off. The tent remained silent. She gingerly examined the box's contents finding candles, dried-up flowers, colored stick pins, and silken ribbons of all colors.

At the very bottom were three dolls. They were made of sticks, with paper cutout clothes and sloppily painted faces. Compared to the girlishness of everything else, these were downright crude. Only... Pacifica held them up to the light. A doll with a ponytail and two puppets. A doll with a hoodie. A doll with flowing brown hair. Pacifica's eyes grew wide.

These dolls looked just like the boys in Mabel's scrapbook.

Furthermore, she'd seen this type of doll in the journal. It was only in passing, but she recognized the stick limbs. There was a name for this kind of doll. Pacifica pulled out the journal and quietly flipped through the pages, hoping for something benevolent.

Solving a mystery could be either exhilarating or horrifying. Up until she'd entered the tent, Pacifica hadn't felt like she was in danger. But then she found the entry for the doll.

According to the journal, she wasn't just holding poorly-made crafts. These were _voodoo dolls_.

 _With the proper incantation, voodoo dolls can be effective in three easy steps!_

 _Step one: Select a victim._

 _Step two: Obtain a strand of the victim's hair and secure it to the doll with ribbon (color is IMPORTANT) and pin._

 _Step three: Recite incantation and the victim's free will is entirely gone! I can't believe this is so easy!_

The picture showed a voodoo doll much like the three Pacifica held, confirming her worst fear.

With shaking hands, Pacifica put the dolls back and closed the box. If she put them back maybe she could pretend she hadn't seen them- but no, she _had_ seen them. She felt eyes on her. Or was that her imagination? She slid the journal back into her jacket, meticulously aware of her every movement. Her mind raced for a plan of action.

Only instead she came to a chilling conclusion: she counted three dolls. Which begged the question...

"Where's the Gideon' doll?" Pacifica murmured.

"Where's the _what_?"

Pacifica froze.

Out from the shadows, Dipper Pines emerged. "We really need to take care of our trespasser problem."

Her first instinct was _run_. Run far away from this freakshow where Dipper's unnaturally blue eyes couldn't bore into her. But Gideon needed her help. Pacifica stood her ground, praying that Dipper couldn't sense her heart pounding.

"Waiting in the dark. Not creepy at all," Pacifica said with an eye roll for good measure. "Tell me where Gideon is."

"Why would I know where he is? He's _your_ friend."

"Because he was dating _your_ sister!"

"I can't help that my sister's taste in boys is abysmal."

Pacifica knew that tone of voice. Dipper was toying with her. He knew exactly where Gideon was and had no intentions of telling her easily. Pacifica's fear quickly mixed with irritation. She'd shove Dipper out of her way and rip the entire tent down if that meant she'd find Gideon.

If demands wouldn't appeal to Dipper, maybe reasoning would. "Look, I just want to talk to Gideon and make sure everything's okay between him and Mabel."

"I think Gideon's old enough to decide that for himself," Dipper said.

"He's _ten_!"Screw reasoning. If Dipper wanted to mess with her, Pacifica wouldn't stand for it. "Just let me talk to him! Why are you being such a butthead!?"

"You mean how could I put my dear sister's happiness over the life of an insignificant local?" Dipper said the word, "local" as if it meant vermin. "You must be an only child." Dipper looked at her up and down like a cat sizing up its meal. "You know, I remember you from opening night. What was it you called our show? ' _Parlor tricks_?'"

"I..." That wasn't meant for Dipper's ears. She could sworn no one even heard her say that to Gideon. "Look, please tell me where Gideon is. I'm serious."

Dipper ignored her. The stage lights flicked on. He put a hand on the gem in his bolo tie, and it began to glow. Pacifica backed away as the pews in the audience began to glow and were lifted off the ground. This time she saw it from Dipper's perspective and realized that gem wasn't just for decoration.

"Does this look like parlor tricks to you?"

An unseen force slammed Pacifica against the backdrop. The back of her skull collided with the wood, and she saw stars. Coming back to reality, Pacifica sprung forward only to find she couldn't move. She tried again, panic increasing. She was stuck like... _someone was holding her down_.

Then she realized the same turquoise glow around the pews now surrounded her entire body.

Dipper approached menacingly. Despite being back on the stage, any traces of showmanship were gone. "My sister's more adept at our knife-throwing act. But I can always use some practice."

Pacifica found her mouth still worked. "If you're trying to scare me, it's not working! I wanna talk to Gideon!"

Dipper said nothing. He'd positioned Pacifica so she could see him reach into the prop chest and pull out a knife. Not a prop knife either. The blade glinted in the stage lights. He turned back to Pacifica with a faint smile on his face and murder in his eyes.

"Try not to move this time."

The knife flew forward. It landed right above Pacifica's left shoulder, sinking into the wood and sending splinters flying. If Pacifica had any control of her body, she would have flinched.

But she couldn't give up. Pacifica came to the Tent of Telepathy for Gideon, and she wasn't leaving without him. "What you have done with Gideon!?"

Dipper threw another knife. This time it hit next to her right cheek, snipping off a few stray hairs.

"Are you really in a position to demand answers?" Pacifica attempted once more to move her limbs, but Dipper kept her stuck like a bug on a windshield. Dipper smirked, obviously amused by her struggle. "If you really want to know, you can just ask him."

"Oh Dipper..." a familiar voice called. Pacifica wasn't scared anymore. She was _terrified_.

Mabel joined her brother on stage with Gideon trailing behind her like a dog. Pacifica's heart sunk. Gideon didn't acknowledge her presence; his eyes were open but clouded over.

Mabel stared at Pacifica with nothing but sheer contempt. "So you're back trying to ruin my relationship Gideon."

"Relationship? You call using a voodoo doll to control Gideon a _relationship_?" Pacifica said.

"This old thing?" Mabel pulled out another voodoo doll, this one styled just like Gideon. Unlike the other dolls, a thread of red yarn was wound around this doll's chest and stuck in place with a blue pin. "Just a little trick I picked up in Louisiana. Once my little snowflake Gideon expressed... hesitations over our love, I knew he needed a little push. And now I know we were meant for each other."

"You can't force Gideon to date you forever!" Pacifica said.

"Oh?" Mabel walked toward Pacifica until they were only inches apart. "But guess what's great about magic? _I can._ " Her fingers squeezed around the voodoo doll. "Gideon, tell Pacifica we're going to be together forever."

"We're going to be together forever," Gideon repeated robotically.

"See? He's _mine_."

"Now what are we going to do with you?" Dipper said to Pacifica. She could practically see the gears in his head turning with wicked ideas. "Perhaps we can incorporate you into our next show. We need someone for the disappearing act."

Mabel spun in delight and wrapped her arms around Gideon. "That's my Dipdop! Always coming up with brilliant ideas."

"Seriously? She calls you _Dipdop_?" Pacifica said. Dipper's grip tightened around the amulet with it she felt pressure tightening around her neck. Pacifica sputtered and coughed trying to get air into her lungs.

"Yes, and she's the _only_ one who gets to call me that," Dipper growled.

The gem on Mabel's headband began to glow, and another knife floated from out of the prop chest. Mabel grabbed it and aimed it toward a choking Pacifica. "Don't get rid of her yet. I haven't gotten a chance to play with her."

Dipper let up, and Pacifica gasped for breath. Her relief was short lived though as another knife landed dangerously close to her abdomen. Dipper was right about who was better at the knife-throwing act.

Pacifica had to find a way out unless she wanted to become a living kabob. She knew moving was useless at this point. She could still speak. No way could she reason with the Telepathy Twins.

But there was one more person in the room.

"Gideon, listen to me. I know you're in there!" Pacifica yelled. "You've got to fight this!"

He didn't react. Mabel brought another knife over.

Pacifica spoke faster. "I know it's hard, Gideon! But you need to break away from Mabel's control! _I_ need you to break free!"

"Ugh, haven't you spoken _enough_?" Mabel said. She raised the knife. "We'll need to fix that."

The clock was counting down, and Gideon showed no signs of change. Pacifica couldn't think straight enough to get through to him. She kept thinking about how happy they were just a few nights ago, how they were going to go the pool and...

 _The pool_.

"Remember the night after your date with Mabel?" Pacifica saw the faintest hint of recognition in Gideon's eyes. Deep down, he _had_ to remember. She pressed further. "We were going to go to the pool and learn how to fight swamp monsters. Gideon, I wanna fight swamp monsters with you! I can't do it all-"

The remaining words got caught in her throat, not by her choice. Pacifica knew that was her last chance of verbally persuading Gideon.

"I like her better this way," Dipper said. "Care to do the honors, Mabel?"

"With pleasure."

Mabel took aim and-

"Wait!"

Dipper and Mabel turned around in surprise. Gideon had spoken. Pacifica watched as he put on an adorable face, the same face he used to convince her to go to the Tent of Telepathy. "Mabel, my sweet, can _I_ throw it?"

The offer made Mabel squeal in excitement. "Of course! I just love when we do things together."

She eagerly handed the knife to Gideon. He locked eyes with Pacifica as he took aim and nodded slightly enough for her to see.

He threw the knife off the stage.

"Pacifica, run!"

Gideon grabbed Dipper's bolo tie and Mabel's headband and tossed both to Pacifica. Now free to move, she caught both and took off. Dipper reached out to grab her, but Pacifica socked him in the face, sending him sprawling to the ground. She leaped off the stage and ran out of the Tent of Telepathy.

Never was the moonlight so relieving to see. Pacifica had to stop herself from running all the way back to the Craft Shack. After all, Gideon was still under Mabel's control.

Mabel ran out, followed by Dipper. His right eye was swelling. Pacifica felt a twinge of satisfaction at that.

"Don't come any closer," Pacifica said, still shaking from the knife-throwing act.

"Or what?" Dipper said.

Pacifica held the gems high above her head. "Or I'll smash these right here and now!"

"You wouldn't."

" _I would_ ," Pacifica hissed.

Dipper took one step forward. Pacifica didn't know if it was an accident or a test, but she didn't hesitate. She hurled his bolo tie against a rock. The gem shattered and went up in a puff of turquoise smoke. Dipper and Mabel both gasped.

Pacifica kept the other gem raised. "Wanna test that theory again, _Dipdop_?"

"Okay fine. What do you want?" Dipper said.

"Release Gideon."

After a moment of internal debate, Dipper nodded to Mabel. Mabel begrudgingly undid the ribbon around the voodoo doll, and Gideon's white hair floated to the ground. A golden glow expelled from the doll, releasing its power over Gideon. The twine holding the doll together came apart, and the sticks fell to the ground.

Pacifica lowered the gem. She was thankful the Telepathy Twins couldn't hurt her anymore because Mabel was glaring daggers at her.

"If you ever mess with Gideon like that again, I will _end_ you," Pacifica said. "And I don't need magic to do it."

"Ha! Do you really think that gem's the only magic we've got?" Mabel spat.

"Oops!" Pacifica gently threw Mabel's headband into the woods. "Guess you'll have to go look for it now. Have fun."

Grumbling, the Telepathy Twins headed into the woods. As Dipper passed by her, he said, "Don't think this is the last you've seen of us."

"Pfft, whatever."

Pacifica was tired. She didn't want to deal with vague threats right now. Still shaky, she leaned against a tree for support. She hadn't fully processed just how much danger she'd been in until now. While it was horrifying to think about, she felt... tired. Gideon came running out the tent, tears streaking down his face.

"Pacifica!"

"Gideon!"

They ran straight for each other, and Pacifica buried him in a tight hug. Gideon muttered countless, "I'm sorry's" into her chest. She rubbed his head gently, the only thing she could think of to comfort him. They stayed like that for awhile.

"I felt everything," Gideon finally said. "I knew it was Mabel making me do things but I just- I couldn't stop her!"

"Shh, it's okay," Pacifica said. She got down on her knees so she and Gideon were the same height. "It took a lot of guts to stand up to Mabel like that."

"B-but they hurt you," Gideon sniffled.

Pacifica pulled away and felt a small cut on her cheek. So it wasn't just a few hairs Dipper had struck with the knife. She hadn't even noticed. She wiped away the blood with her sleeve and shrugged. "Nothing's broken. I think I'll live."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Gideon stopped crying. Pacifica dried his tears with her other sleeve. Gideon asked, "Can we go home?"

"Totally, dork." Pacifica said. They hugged once more. "If it makes you feel any better, now we've both been controlled by someone else."

"I think I'd take the vampire."

Pacifica took Gideon's hand, and they began to walk. She stole one last glance at the Tent of Telepathy. Dipper's words echoed in her head: _Don't think this is the last you've seen of us_. They'd escaped from the Tent of Telepathy this time, but she didn't doubt what Dipper said. All she could do was prepare for the next time.

But first, hot chocolate. Evil twins could wait.

* * *

 **EURNHQ DPXOHWV DQG EURNHQ KHDUWV, LW WDNHV D ORW PRUH WR WHDU IULHQGV DSDUW.**

* * *

Mabel's room was torn apart. She didn't care. Furniture was replaceable. Gideon was not.

Contrary to popular belief, Mabel was not psychotically focused on boys. True, she believed in soulmates and true love. When she found a boy who reciprocated affection, she threw herself into him. She saw futures paved out with the boys she dated that spanned decades, only to come crumbling down when the boy in question decided what they had _wasn't_ true love.

But Mabel still saw a clear, vivid future with Gideon. When he grabbed her headband and tossed it to that wretch Pacifica, Mabel felt butterflies as he brushed against her. His movements were _willing._ Far more exciting than anything he'd done under her control.

For now though, their future was... compromised. Mabel was coping. A few seconds later, the last working light bulb in her vanity mirror shattered.

Dipper walked into her room, shoes crunching on broken glass. He probably had a dorky lecture already planned for her. "Go ahead. Say it. I screwed up."

"You really screwed up," Dipper said, relishing the chance to dig into Mabel. But she looked so small sitting on the floor. Her knees were pulled to her chest and her eye makeup was smudged. "But I am... sympathetic to your situation. I probably went overboard with the whole knife-throwing act. Sorry."

"Yeah, Pacifica gave you one heck of a shiner!"

"Annnd the sympathy's gone," Dipper said. He winced remembering that he had a horrid black eye. Concealing it would take layers of stage makeup. "Anyways, while you were out chasing a boy, _I_ did something productive. Behold!"

He reached behind Mabel's ear and pulled a book out of, "thin air." Mabel knew he actually had it hidden somewhere in his clothing and distracted her with words and hand movements while putting it in place. It was an old magic trick and not even one that used actual magic. They'd learned this one years ago.

Mabel eyed her brother suspiciously. "Dippingsauce, did you just wait to show me now for dramatic effect?"

"What? Of _course_ not- that's not important. Look." Dipper showed Mabel the book. Mabel's frown blossomed into a demented smile. She grabbed the book, delicately running her fingers against the cover. "I found it buried in the woods. Do you know what this means?"

"More tricks?" she said, eyes wide with anticipation.

"Better," Dipper said. "We're one step closer."

Mabel was more than capable of focusing on something besides boys. Up until that moment though, she didn't _have_ anything else to focus on. But that was all about to change.

She laid down a burgundy journal with a golden six-fingered hand bearing the number _two_. Dipper slid an identical journal labeled _one_ next to it.

Mabel and Dipper didn't agree on everything. But Mabel knew Dipper had her back. Nothing was going to change that. This was one of those special occasions though where their motives synced up with eerie clarity. Should someone get in the way of those motives? Mabel didn't mind getting blood on her hands. It was such a lovely shade against baby blue anyways.

Even if those someones were a bleached blonde valley girl and Mabel's soulmate.

* * *

 **13-19-23 17-7-16-10, 23-1-23 13-11 15-2.**

* * *

 **A/N: I love the first cryptogram in this chapter because it can either be interpreted as heartwarming and sweet or ominous and foreboding! Also I forgot to mention that the A1Z26 ciphers are also in vigenere! The key lies in the central conflict of each story! Speaking of, I hope you guys enjoyed the conclusion to this story! That confrontation was really tough to write, so I hope it reads okay. Other than that, thank you for all the nice reviews! You all have some really helpful stuff to say, and I'm glad you're all enjoying the story so far! My classes start tomorrow so the next update won't be for awhile, but I'll work on it as much as I can!**


	5. Pier Pressure - Part I

Sometimes even the most exciting monsters in Gravity Falls couldn't beat TV. It had all the thrills of a monster hunt, but any high-stakes danger stayed safely behind the glass. Also Gravity Falls had no talking dogs. Gideon and Pacifica sat on the couch armed with only blankets and popcorn. Hospital drama _The Dogtor Is In_ blared from the TV. The only monsters on this show were medical.

A panic-stricken nurse stood over a hospital bed accompanied by a fluffy blonde poodle wearing a lab coat and stethoscope. _"But Dogtor!"_ the nurse cried. _"We've run the tests! The diagnosis couldn't possibly be wrong!"_

 _"I know the symptoms like the back of my own paw!"_ Dogtor Sparky barked, the dialogue showing up as subtitles. _"This patient has... barckolepsy."_

A dramatic chord followed, and the camera zoomed in on the Dogtor's fuzzy face. Then it cut to commercial break.

Gideon gasped. "I knew it!"

"That dog's a genius," Pacifica said. She perked up. "Oh hey, the new trailer's out!"

The TV showed a burned down mansion and a stiletto crunching against glass. _"She's an heiress turned renegade,"_ the deep-voiced trailer man said. Every good action movie had one. _"And this time... it's a_ family _matter."_

The camera panned up to a blonde woman in a tattered ballgown and smeared makeup. With a gloved hand, she wiped her lipstick off and cocked an impractically large bazooka. In bold text, the screen read: _Mitzi Misfire: The Family_ _Reunion._

"This speaks to me on multiple levels," Pacifica said. Her excitement turned to disappointment when the rating came up on the screen. "Aw man, it's PG-13!"

"Maybe we can sneak in!" Gideon said.

Pacifica stifled a laugh. "Yeah, I don't think so."

"What? We're old enough now! We can pass for thirteen!" Gideon said.

"Gideon, I _am_ thirteen-"

To Gideon, this bombshell was the equivalent of Pacifica telling him she had a long-lost twin. "How long have you been thirteen!?"

" _Awhile_ ," Pacifica said cryptically. She broke into laughter. "Just kidding, I turned thirteen in April. You weren't here, and it's never come up so... yeah."

"You mean you've been a teenager for two whole months!?"

Gideon had never minded that Pacifica was older during previous summers. Without school segregating everyone by age, they'd never needed to address the age gap between the two of them. But that was before thirteen. Before the separation between kid and _teenager_. Pacifica sat right next to Gideon on the couch, but she may as well be in a different room. Heck, a different _house_.

And like Gideon's approach to all his problems, he stressed internally.

Pacifica didn't pick up on the severity. "Relax, dork. You're not far behind me! And at least you're in the double digits now."

"Double digits!? _Double digits!?_ " Everyone knew age ten was only a pretend milestone birthday to make kids feel like they were making actual progress. "Who cares!? You can go to teen clubs and teen parties, and soon you'll be going to high school and then learning about how babies-"

"Nope! Pacifica out!" She scurried under the couch. "I've still got one year of happiness left before high school ends my streak, and I am _not_ talking about it."

"At least you're out of _elementary_ school! I thought I was growing up, getting bigger, but everyone probably still sees me as a little kid!" Gideon said - god, even his squeaky Southern twang sounded childish. "What's next? Kid's menus!? Babysitters!?"

"Gideon?" Footsteps squeaked against the floorboards, and Bud came into the living room. "I'm heading out tonight so I'm leaving you with a babysitter."

That was the final nail in the coffin.

"I'm never gonna be old!" Gideon wailed.

Without any context for Gideon's outburst, Bud did the best he could to provide a reasonable explanation. "Now I know you'd manage fine by yourself, but I don't feel comfortable leaving you at home for so long without a responsible adult."

"Why can't Pacifica watch me?" Gideon protested. "She's basically an adult."

"Did someone say my name?" Pacifica said from underneath the couch. Her arm shot out holding a long-expired chocolate bar. "You think Soos will eat this?"

"I don't know what it is, but I so will!" Soos hollered from the gift shop.

Bud may have been a more relaxed parent compared to some families, but even he drew a line regarding responsibility. "I have someone a little older in mind. I'll be leaving in a few hours, and I expect you'll give him no trouble."

"But-"

"No buts."

Bud rarely pulled out the, "No buts" line, but whenever he did, Gideon knew not to argue back. Gideon sighed. "Fine. Who's... _babysitting_ me?" Saying the word out loud made Gideon feel like he was five again. He may as well be.

As if he were waiting in the hall for Bud to cue him in, Robbie entered the living room. "Hey, Mr. Gleeful, just wanted to let you know I double-checked inventory- Oh hey, Gideon! Excited for tonight?"

Gideon stared open-mouthed. "You're kidding. _Robbie's_ babysitting me?"

"Whoa, we don't have to call it that!" Robbie said. "I like to think of it less as babysitting and more as... funsitting!"

"That's not a real word," Gideon said flatly.

"Fair point!" Robbie's voice cracked. He nervously ran his fingers through his hair. "But we can still have fun, right? I'll bring my computer!"

Gideon crossed his arms, unimpressed.

"Also I'll order pizza."

* * *

To be fair, the pizza Robbie ordered was delicious. Which was good, because everything else was terrible.

He insisted Gideon be in bed by nine per Bud's instructions, he wouldn't let Pacifica and Gideon explore the woods, and his idea of, "funsitting" was teaching them how to code. Pacifica suggested mutiny. Gideon almost decided for it.

Worse, every time Gideon looked at Robbie, he was reminded of how little everyone saw him. What was so different about Gideon and Robbie anyways? Robbie was just a taller, ganglier, and generally more awkward version of Gideon. If Gideon was a computer geek. And read stuffy old poetry.

Speaking of, Robbie was drudging through his dog-eared 19th century poetry compilation. He also took time to explain _every_ theme and motif in each poem. Gideon and Pacifica made up his not-so rapt audience. Pacifica nodded off after the first stanza. Gideon couldn't stop marveling at how the book was thicker than a dictionary.

"'I traveled through the forest, which was green, and picked up a single blade of grass, which was also green. The praying mantis, which was green, gazed upon my frail form,'" Robbie read with reverence for each word. "See? The color green is actually a symbol for the writer's envy of-"

Pacifica exploded. "I can't take it anymore! Don't you have something from this century!?"

"But these are classics!" Robbie said.

"Yeah, classically _boring_."

Robbie sighed and dejectedly put away his poetry book. "Okay. I guess you guys aretoo young to appreciate classic poetry anyways."

Gideon perked up at the mention of too young. "No we're not! We're very well-versed in the classics!"

"Since when are we well-versed in anything?" Pacifica said. "Literally the only thing we've read older than a hundred are fairytales."

"Because we needed those for the fairytale game!" Gideon said.

"Wait, fairytale game?" Robbie said. He pulled his chair closer to Pacifica and Gideon. "I smell backstory. Spill."

"When we were younger, Gideon and I would re-enact fairytales," Pacifica explained. "Gideon played the princess! I was the witch."

She pulled out a photo from a time when Pacifica didn't have braces and Gideon wasn't shorter than her. The two of them were doing their best impression of a fantasy book cover. Pacifica wore a witch hat two sizes too large for her head and a ratty black bathrobe. She pointed a makeshift wand at the helpless Princess Gideon.

Robbie took the picture. "For real? I can't believe Gideon's wearing that dress!"

"He ended up making a crown to go with the it too!" Pacifica said. "Kind of silly, I know, but we had so much fun."

"Yeah! When we were _younger_!" Gideon said with forced emphasis. "Definitely outgrew that..."

Maybe Gideon _hadn't_ outgrown the fairytale game. Maybe he _had_ been planning on asking Pacifica if she wanted to play it again. And maybe he _hadn't_ done so yet because he was too nervous. This proved he'd made the right decision!

But deep down, he wished there'd been some... declaration that the fairytale game was over. Something more than an offhand comment from Pacifica.

Pacifica seemed not to dwell on it. She and Robbie had moved on to discussing the mysterious goat that lingered around the Craft Shack.

"Someone probably just left him here," Robbie argued. "If Bud would stop feeding it-" The honk of a car horn made him go rigid.

Gideon and Pacifica exchanged confused looks. Gideon said, "Whoever that is, we should probably tell them the Craft Shack is closed."

"They're not here to buy anything," Robbie said with a slight edge in his voice. He tensely approached the door.

"Who's they?" Gideon said.

With the kick of a black combat boot, the door flew open. A teenager bigger than Pacifica, Gideon, and Robbie combined ran into the gift shop and tackled Robbie to the floor. With it, he knocked down two card stands and a lamp. "Surprise, Robbie!" the teen yelled.

"I can't breathe!" Robbie said from underneath the teen's belly.

Before Gideon could say anything, Wendy Corduroy sauntered into the Craft Shack. Three other teenagers followed her. "What up, Robbie?"

"You have got to be kidding me," Pacifica said.

The teen who tackled Robbie lifted him up and gave him a rough pat on the back, sending Robbie stumbling a few steps forward. Robbie straightened his glasses. Despite the gesture, his posture was hunched over, more uncertain than before. He said, "Guys, these are my... friends."

Gideon stared in fear and awe at the teenagers. Contrary to his expectations, they weren't wearing matching leather jackets and snapping their fingers. But they all radiated a sense of... togetherness. He whispered to Pacifica, "Is this Wendy's gang you were talking about?"

Wendy shot Gideon a glare that could burn buildings down. "Why don't you watch your mouth, kid?"

With a girlish squeak, Gideon cowered behind Pacifica. He doubted Robbie would be able to provide much protection. He peaked at Wendy and saw she was still glowering at him.

Robbie wearily pinched the bridge of his nose. "I guess I should introduce you guys. The guy who tackled me is Thompson-"

"That's right!" Thompson slammed his fist against the wall, making the entire Shack rattle.

"The other two guys are Nate and Lee." The guys with ripped jeans and too many piercings for Gideon to count nodded. "Tambry's the one in the flower crown."

"Namaste." The girl with long, scraggly purple hair gave a half-hearted wave. "That means, 'No worries for the rest of our days.' You probably didn't know that."

"...And you guys have already met Wendy."

"Unfortunately," Wendy said. She squinted at Gideon. "Aren't you Mabel's boyfriend?"

Hearing _her_ name gave Gideon horrifying flashbacks. "I am not! Who's been saying that? Is that what people think?"

"Relax, it was a joke!" Wendy said. "Someone get this kid a chill pill."

Only a few days had passed since the... _incident_ with Mabel Pines, and it had left Gideon quite shaken. Pacifica had been careful about not mentioning her name around Gideon unless he brought it up first. And then Wendy had barged in and dropped it within minutes. All the progress Gideon made felt undone.

Robbie stepped protectively in front of Gideon and Pacifica. "Why are you guys here anyways?"

"To bail you out of this lame babysitting gig!" Nate said.

"Also we _may_ have told all our parents we'd be hanging out with you," Lee added.

"Guys, I think you're forgetting one crucial detail," Wendy said, her voice commanding silence and threatening those who dared disrupt her. "Robbie's more than just an alibi. We _want_ him to come with us."

Robbie said nervously, "Where exactly do you want me to go?"

The question brought a fire in Wendy's eyes. "I found an old abandoned cabin at the lake. We're gonna be the first ones to enter it in _decades_. And you're coming with."

"I can't leave Gideon by himself."

"Then we'll take the toddler with us!" Wendy said. "Heck, I'm feeling generous today. Northwest can come too."

Pacifica's mouth dropped. " _Really_?"

"Toddler!?" Gideon said at the same time. He turned to Robbie. "We're not seriously gonna go with them, are we?"

Throughout the entire exchange, Robbie seemed to shrink. He glanced back and forth between Wendy and Gideon like he was caught in a crossfire. His eyes met Wendy's. Gideon knew Robbie's answer before he even said it. "Sure. We'll go with you."

"SWEET!" Thompson fist-pumped the air. "To the Death Rider!" He barreled out of the gift shop with everyone close behind.

Gideon was the last one out and dragged his feet the entire way. The Death Rider turned out to be a dinged-up minivan. _Really_ dinged-up. Gideon didn't think his dad wanted him riding in a safety hazard. "Uh... Thompson? Where are the doors?"

"They fell off! Why else do you think it's called the Death Rider?" Thompson said.

Wendy grinned mockingly. "Try not to fall out. Hey, Robbie, the kid doesn't need a car seat, right?"

"I don't think so." Robbie mouthed, "Sorry!" to Gideon and slid into the car.

Firstly, Gideon hadn't needed a car seat since last year, and secondly, if Wendy wanted to know _she could have just asked Gideon._

When Gideon was younger (well, younger than everyone apparently thought he was), he threw tantrums. He'd scream and pound his fists on the floor as if trying to bring the whole house down. Bud would simply wait them out. Gideon had outgrown tantrums a couple years ago, but every now and then, that urge to scream and pound his fists flared up. Now was one of those times.

The only thing holding him back was spite. Also if he threw a tantrum, that would do nothing to make him seem older.

So Gideon sat silently in the very back of Thompson's car as it sped through Gravity Falls. The teenagers pounded the roof of the car and sang along to a rock song with words Gideon would get in trouble for if he said them out loud. The mindless lyrics gave Gideon time to consider where Wendy was taking them.

He just hoped they made it back in one piece. More importantly, before Bud came back.

* * *

Thompson pulled -more _crashed-_ his car against the edge of the woods. Wendy led the group through a narrow, twisted trail. It was barely a trail - they all had to push branches out of the way and watch out for roots. After a five-minute walk, Wendy stopped.

"All right guys." She pushed the branches back. "Check it out."

The woods opened up to reveal Lake Gravity Falls, a peaceful retreat so picturesque it belonged in a postcard. The rumors about a lake monster lurking beneath the waves did nothing to diminish the charm.

Standing at the edge of the lake was a cabin with cracked windows and a sagging rooftop. The whole thing looked like it might fall apart in a single push. The cabin was dark, and with the sun going down, it was only going to get darker. A small pier as precariously built as the cabin jutted out into the lake.

Two faded blue rocking chairs sat on the cabin's porch, swaying ever so slightly in the breeze. At least that's what Gideon _hoped_ was making them rock.

"They say this cabin belonged to a husband and wife," Wendy said. "One day, the wife died, and the husband was so heartbroken he never left the cabin again. He's buried beneath the floorboards. Legend has it if you knock three times, he'll knock back."

The teenagers murmured "Wow's" and "No way's," speculating about the old cabin with more wonder than fear. Gideon on the other hand found the story disturbing. "Someone actually _died_ here?"

"Yeah! And we're next!" Wendy said clutching her heart. She dropped the horrified act and scoffed at Gideon. "Lighten up, it was a story."

"Way to kill the mood, kid," Lee said.

They all had a good laugh at Gideon's expense and eagerly walked toward the cabin. Gideon lingered at the back of the group. He pulled Pacifica aside. "This is a terrible idea."

Pacifica had been unusually quiet since Wendy had invited her to come along. She said, "Yeah, most of Wendy's schemes usually are, but... they're actually tolerating me."

"Paz, who cares?" Gideon said. "We'll probably end up in jail if we keep hanging out with Wendy! I can't go to jail!"

"We won't go to jail! This place looks sketchy, but isn't the whole point of our summer to _find_ sketchy things?" Pacifica said. She brought up a good point. A possibly haunted cabin was way more exciting than reading old poetry. "If things get creepy, then we'll leave. Simple as that."

"You mean it?"

"Yeah," Pacifica said. "Now let's live on the edge!"

They caught up with the teenagers who were all standing at the edge of the cabin. The excitement had died down a little bit, and the teenagers waited for whoever dared to enter first. Naturally, Wendy stepped forward.

"I got this." Wendy pulled a hatchet out of her belt loop. With a devilish twirl, she sang, "Heeeere's Wendy!"

"Wait, shouldn't we check if it's unlocked before breaking in?" Gideon asked.

"Oh yeah," Nate said. He tried the door, and it creaked open. "That was easy! Are you psychic, kid?"

Just good at common sense. Gideon's accomplishment was promptly forgotten by all the teenagers, save for Wendy who looked ready to drop-kick him into the lake.

They went inside. The first thing Gideon noticed were fish. Lots and lots of fish. Fish-themed wall decorations, a fish-shaped lamp, _actual taxidermied fish_ mounted on the walls. They must have been in the living room judging from the giant fireplace and the cozy couch with a now-raggedy quilt. With the lights on, this place might feel warm and homey. In darkness though, it felt creepy.

He glanced over at the fishing poles leaning against the window. The rusted hooks dangled menacingly, daring anyone to latch on. Something about fishing always freaked Gideon out. How did it feel to be a fish, thinking you found some nice food only to be reeled in to a trap and chopped up for someone's dinner?

Gideon felt eyes on his back. He wondered if anyone else felt the same.

"What do we do now?" Robbie said.

Wendy smiled, teeth bared like an animal closing in on its kill. "Whatever we want."

Those words were all the teenagers needed to run wild. They all scattered like birds, pouncing on everything they could explore in the abandoned cabin. The only people who didn't immediately take off were Gideon and Robbie. Bud may have been a laid-back parent, but even he never allowed Gideon this much free reign.

"So you're not running off too?" Gideon said with a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"Aw man," Robbie said as if realizing just now what a bad idea this was. "I'm sorry for dragging you into this. But I can't say no to Wendy."

"Hmph."

Robbie looked around the cabin. "You and Pacifica like exploring, right?"

"Yeah," Gideon said.

"Then let's explore!" Robbie said. "Let's each try to find the weirdest thing we can think of and show them to each other!"

Robbie had been the only teenager who'd offered Gideon an olive branch, and even though Gideon was still irritated, he decided to take it. "Fine."

They went their separate ways, Robbie heading to the second floor and Gideon opting to stay on the first. He walked down the hallway and tried not to look at the fish mounted on the walls. Those hollow glass eyes bore right through his soul. As his feet hit the creaky wooden floor, he wondered if there really _was_ someone buried beneath the floorboards.

Gideon regretted not following Robbie. In the heat of the moment, he'd wanted nothing to do with teenagers, to prove he could hang with them as an equal. Now he wanted a flashlight. And a driver's license so he could drive himself back to the Shack. He'd settle for a flashlight though.

Most of the doors in the cabin were shut tight, leaving far too much mystery behind them. Gideon finally came across an open door leading into what looked like a study.

The study was covered in black and white photographs. They all showed a man who Gideon realized with a chill was probably the owner of this cabin. He was always doing something mundane like cheerily fishing on a boat, sitting in a rocking a chair, or proudly holding a catch of the day.

Only some of the pictures were ripped in half. A few of the glass frames were cracked and shattered, giving the photos a distorted quality. Gideon could sometimes make an arm or a leg, so someone else had to be in the pictures. But who?

And more importantly... why had they been ripped out?

His anxiety was building up again. There had to be something in this room that was weird but wouldn't induce nightmares. Gideon eyes landed on a singing fish - that was nice and harmless! Bud used to sell those in the Craft Shack until he grew tired of every customer pressing the button. This one was a sea bass with a goofy smile. Gideon reached up and pressed the button.

 _"Swimmin' down the river, my worries passing by!"_ the sea bass sang to the tune of a silly reggae beat. Then the animatronic fish jerked to a halt. It started the song back up again, this time with scratchy slowed-down music. In a deep voice, it sang, _"Run while you can or all your friends will die."_

Gideon screamed and swiped the fish off the wall. "Die fish, die!"

The sea bass crashed to the floor and stopped mid-demonic chant. Gideon heard footsteps rushing in his direction.

"Is there a cat in..." Robbie entered the study and saw Gideon. "Oh, it was just you."

"No! I saw a cat, and it ran away!" Gideon said defensively. He wanted to smack himself in the forehead. Why didn't he just tell Robbie the truth? Oh right, because who would believe that an evil singing fish wanted them to leave the cabin?

Gideon rushed out of the study hyperventilating. What was he supposed to do? If he tried to tell one of the teenagers what he'd seen, they'd dismiss him as a scared little kid. But he couldn't doom them to a haunting.

He needed some air. More importantly, he needed to get the heck out of this cabin.

Meanwhile, Pacifica was testing the waters with the other teenagers. She steered clear of Wendy; any chances of friendship between the two of them had been dashed ages ago. Nate and Lee hadn't thrown her in the lake, and the last time she seen Thompson, he was playing with the saw. She did not want to get in the way of that.

Her latest target was Tambry. Pacifica knew about Tambry's reputation. She was anti-consumerism, anti-capitalism, and probably anti something else that started with a, "c." She also had a vendetta against technology. Tambry cutting the high school power lines was the talk of Gravity Falls for weeks. If Pacifica wanted Tambry to like her, she'd have to choose her conversation topic carefully.

While Pacifica pretended to look at a pot left on the stove, Tambry calmly rifled through the kitchen drawers. She picked out dried herbs and put them in her dress pocket. Pacifica sidled up next to her. "Say, Tambry, why are you stealing a dead guy's stuff?"

 _Nailed_ it.

"He can't use these use these anymore, so technically I'm _recycling_ ," Tambry replied. "Someone has to give back to the environment."

"That makes... perfect sense! Does buying all my clothes from Shop Thrifty count as recycling?" Pacifica said.

Tambry contemplated it for a minute. "You're getting everything secondhand so yeah, I guess. That's pretty smart."

"It is?"

"Sure." Tambry gazed thoughtfully at Pacifica. "For a Northwest, you're not as bad as you could have been."

Tambry may as well have offered Pacifica a million dollars and a unicorn, because that was the greatest thing she could have heard. Maybe there was the slightest chance Wendy's gang could like her. Or maybe it would last only for a night. For once, Pacifica didn't care, because in this moment, she wasn't being turned away! She could take that.

While Pacifica basked in friendship, Gideon's paranoia grew. He thought being outside would make him less scared, but this entire area was giving him spooky vibes. The sun was down now, and the moon illuminated the lake in an ethereal hue.

Gideon saw he wasn't alone and held back another high-pitched scream. A figure stood at the edge of the pier. His mind screamed _Ghost! Demon! Lake monster!_ He couldn't jump to conclusions.

Perhaps the cabin wasn't abandoned after all.

He cautiously approached the pier. "Hello? Do you live here?"

The figure was silent. Gideon couldn't even tell what he looked like with the black hood concealing his head.

"We're really sorry about trespassing. We'll leave if you want us to! I would never have even come here if..." The figure was too still. Not even the slightest head movement to show that he was listening. Gideon came a few steps closer. "Hello? Can you hear me?"

The figure slowly turned around. Beneath the hood wasn't a man at all. Not even a human.

It was a mass of slimy, writhing worms. Gideon uttered only syllables, too horrified to form a coherent sentence. The worms wriggled beneath the fabric and then the robe burst open. The worms came down like rainfall, and Gideon screamed at a pitch only dogs should hear.

Gideon's scream could have brought the whole town to the lake spot; unfortunately for him, it only brought all the teenagers.

"Whoa, are you freaking out, kid?" Lee said.

"N-no, I-" Gideon stammered.

"He totally _was_!" Wendy said. She doubled over laughing, and the teenagers joined in. Gideon felt like he'd been caught sneaking out in the middle of the night, only this felt _so much worse_. "I haven't screamed like that since I was in preschool!"

The only ones not laughing were Gideon, Pacifica, and Robbie. He would have pointed out the worm creature, but it had vanished. Gideon tried once again to explain himself. "I saw something at the lake and-"

"I just got a totally rational idea!" Thompson said. "We should jump into the lake!"

Gideon remembered the worm creature. "No! You can't go in there! We have to get out of here before-"

Thompson flew past Gideon and cannonballed into the lake. Lee and Nate took off their shoes and shirts and ran after him. Tambry and Wendy dove in shortly after. Gideon could only watch, completely appalled at their disregard for safety.

With a flip of her hair, Wendy said, "Wow, this lake is _so_ scary! Careful, guys, or the lake monster's gonna eat us!"

"Have you guys even considered that this place might _actually_ be haunted?" Gideon said.

"Sounds like Gideon's taking a ride on the Lame Train!" Nate said.

"I am not-"

"Lame Train! Lame Train!" the teenagers chanted.

Gideon wasn't embarrassed anymore only because he was livid. He shouted, "I'll bet you guys would take me seriously if I were a teenager too!"

The chanting stopped. Gideon took that moment and continued, "All night, you've been picking on me because I'm a kid! I've tried not to be scared, I've tried to fit in, but I can't make myself older! And I'm sick of it!"

What really sucked about making a valid point was when everyone chose to ignore it. There was an awkward silence between the teenagers, a moment of choosing right or wrong. Right would be apologizing. Wrong would be ignoring the problem altogether.

Of course, Wendy chose wrong, and her word was law. "If you're gonna be a buzzkill, wait at the car."

"FINE!" Gideon stormed off the pier. "Pacifica? Are you coming?"

Pacifica was about to answer when Tambry said, "Hey Pacifica! Get in here!"

She looked back to the lake and then at Gideon. She hesitantly removed her jacket and shoes, not making eye contact with Gideon. "For once, they're actually being nice to me. I don't wanna jinx it."

"But you said if I wanted to leave, you'd come with me," Gideon said, his voice trembling.

"I said if things got _creepy_. They're not! Sure, this place is kind of weird and we're making really dumb decisions..." As Pacifica listed the reasons out loud she sounded more and more unsure of herself. She pushed those worries to the back her head. "Can't you just roll with it for a few more hours?"

Pacifica had chosen her side, and that side wasn't Gideon's. It hurt. _A lot_. But the only thing Gideon could express was anger and frustration.

"I'm not rolling _anywhere_! Except the car!" Gideon said. He whipped around one last time and said, "And I can assure you, the car will _not_ be rolling!

Pacifica almost followed him. Then Tambry called her name, and she decided to go to Gideon a little bit later. The teenagers' kindness wasn't going to last forever. Pacifica ran across the pier, feeling lighter with each stride. She jumped into the lake with cheers from everyone. The water was a little chilly, but once the teens started splashing each other, Pacifica didn't even notice. For the first time, she felt like a real teenager.

 _I'll talk to Gideon later,_ Pacifica promised herself. But as she splashed around with the other teenagers, the sense of belonging was just too sweet to part from.

* * *

Being a single parent left little free time for Bud Gleeful. Not that he minded; Bud never saw Gideon as a chore. He was a wonderful child. But Bud hadn't had a night to himself in ages; he'd more or less forgotten what to do during a night on the town.

Not that his night on the town could be considered grand. At seven o'clock sharp Bud went to The Scoop. Run by Toby Determined, The Scoop was, "The only showtunes reporter-themed ice cream parlor in Gravity Falls!" The person he was supposed to meet should have been here by seven thirty, but Bud sat in a booth fifteen minutes after eight with an empty cup that once held bubblegum flavored ice cream.

Bud twisted his wedding ring, sliding it off and sliding it back on again as if stuck in a loop. There was nothing suspicious about going to a brightly lit ice cream parlor and talking with someone. He still felt jumpy. He could at least take comfort in Gideon having a lowkey night with Robbie.

"Bud Gleeful?"

Bud knew that voice. However, this was not the person he was meeting that night. He smiled as a lean elderly man in simple black clothes and a clerical collar approached his table. "Reverend McGucket! How nice to see you!"

It was only a matter of time until Reverend Fiddleford McGucket found Bud. When he wasn't preaching, he was checking in with the townspeople. Of course, any Southerner knew, "checking in" often coincided with, "gossiping." Even a reverend was only human.

"I saw that straw hat and knew right then who it was! It is such a joy that you've returned to Gravity Falls! Has it really been three years?" McGucket said.

The underlying question was _What made you come back?_ Bud had his reasons. He almost thought about spilling them to McGucket. Something about the twinkle in his soft blue eyes made Bud feel like he could tell McGucket his entire life story.

Bud couldn't though. He'd already kept his secrets for three years. Another day was nothing by now.

"I was just looking for a change of scenery!" That was half-true. Texas was scorching in the summer. "Also I wanted to get the Craft Back up and running again! I needed a break from the used car industry."

"Well, I wish you all the best in your enterprises! I know how difficult it must be raising a son on your own, and with your wife, well... The point is you are always welcome in our congregation," McGucket said.

"I appreciate that, Reverend."

McGucket put a warm hand on Bud's shoulder. "We Southerners have to stick together after all! I'll leave you to your ice cream then."

He bid Bud farewell and left The Scoop, not before conversing with a few other customers.

Bud was on his second cup of ice cream when he finally swept into The Scoop. Bud almost berated him about being a whole hour late, but something stopped him. Maybe it was politeness ingrained into him since birth. Maybe it was fear that he'd set the man off.

Regardless, Stanford Pines had showed up at last. Now Bud couldn't back out.

"Your choice of venue's tacky," Stan commented as he slid into the booth. Unlike Bud, Stan did not remove his dark blue fez. "Luckily, I make a living out of tacky."

Despite being taller and heavier than Stan, Bud felt diminutive sitting across from him. Not to mention he felt underdressed compared to Stan's impeccable blue suit. He couldn't quite make out Stan's eyes thanks to the tinted glasses which only made Bud even more uneasy. Like he was staring at a husk of a human being.

Bud nervously cleared his throat. "Lovely night, isn't it?"

"Cut the crap, Gleeful. Your son broke my great niece's heart, so unless you're here to make amends, I'm not in the mood for small talk," Stan said.

"Fine. You know why I called."

"Then let's get down to business. So," Stan said, propping his feet up on the table, "what do you want to know about my house?"

* * *

Gideon sat on the hood of Thompson's car. A few minutes later, Robbie came.

"Mind if join?" Robbie asked, bearing cans of Pitt Cola as a peace offering. Gideon silently took one and popped it open. Robbie jumped up next to Gideon. "I'm really sorry about my friends. They can be jerks sometimes, especially to kids."

Gideon groaned. "Even _you_ see me as just a kid. Why are you friends with them if they're such jerks?"

Robbie took a contemplative swig of Pitt Cola. Truthfully, he'd asked that same question to himself countless times. While he strived for a 4.0 GPA, Wendy and her friends strived for anarchy. He knew he should step in at the least or cut them out at most. But whenever he found himself thinking _This is the last straw, this is the last time I'm going to hang out with them..._

"I guess I'm scared no one else _wants_ to be friends with me," he finally said.

The confession hung heavy in the air. Saying it out loud made it sound silly, but Robbie's worry was very real. Gideon said, "If I were a teenager, I'd be your friend!"

"You are my friend!" Robbie said laughing. "What sucks about puberty is making friends gets a whole lot harder. Must be a hormones thing."

Gideon knew very little about, "hormones" but it sounded like the name of a dragon who hoarded childhood dreams.

"Wendy and me are both outcasts, but at least she's the cool kind," Robbie continued. "Me? I'm just lame. Pacifica can attest to that. Of course, she's got her fair share of struggles."

"She does?"

"Don't get me wrong, Pacifica's got a thick skin, but..." Robbie stopped himself. "I should probably let her tell you. Not really my place and all."

Gideon and Robbie sat in silence for a bit. Gideon imagined this must be what being a teenager was like. Sitting on the car with nothing but the crickets chirping and splashes in the distance. He could almost picture himself taller and deeper-voiced.

But no matter how much he could pretend, Gideon was still ten. "You're _all_ older than me. Even Paz. I wish I was older too."

"Really? I'd give anything to be a kid again. Like when I was kid, computers were just a fun hobby. Then I hit high school and suddenly my teachers started talking about, 'bright future' and 'wasting potential.'" Robbie said using air quotes. "Maybe I don't wanna be a programmer. Maybe I wanna start a band or something."

Gideon had dabbled with the idea of being an explorer like in the movies. He'd travel all over the world and find hidden temples and magical artifacts. He could do without the booby traps and evil scientists though. He just had a hunger to uncover the mysterious. It was like a giant a scavenger hunt!

But if grown-ups treated Gideon's skills the same way they treated Robbie's... Gideon didn't know if he wanted to become a teenager.

Robbie looked toward the cabin. "You hear that?"

Gideon listened, but the woods were quiet. "No..."

"Exactly." Robbie hopped off the car. "We should probably get back and make sure Thompson hasn't burned anything down."

Gideon followed Robbie back to the cabin. The teenagers were no longer splashing around in the lake. "Where did everyone..." Gideon trailed off. "Robbie! Look!"

Their shoes and jackets lay untouched, including to Gideon's dismay Pacifica's technicolor letterman jacket.

"They're probably inside the cabin," Robbie reassured Gideon. Only he didn't sound like he believed what he was saying.

They went back in, Robbie going first. "Hello? Guys? Wendy?" Robbie said. He was greeted only by silence. Robbie went through the entire cabin, and Gideon stayed right by his side. Not a single one of them was in the cabin.

"It's okay!" Robbie said in a high-strung voice. "Maybe they went somewhere-"

A knock came from the floorboards.

Gideon and Robbie stared petrified at each other, neither one wanting to make the first move. "Did that come from where I think it did?" Gideon said.

Robbie nodded stiffly. They pressed their ears to the floor. Robbie raised his fist and rapped three times against the floor. Three knocks sounded back, sending them both hollering and jumping.

"This place is haunted for real!" Gideon screamed.

"Your dad's gonna kill me!" Robbie screamed back

"If the ghost doesn't kill us first!"

"What if we become ghosts too!?" Robbie said. "I can't haunt a place with no Wifi!"

"I tried to warn you..." a scraggly voice echoed behind them.

There was a brief moment of processing that the voice they heard was neither Robbie's or Gideon's. Once that moment was over... they screamed some more. Robbie and Gideon clung to each other as a light materialized from the floor. It rose up, slowly forming a human silhouette.

The silhouette gained form and facial features. Gideon realized they stood (more-cowered) face-to-face with a much more dead-looking man from the photographs. And he looked _very_ angry.

* * *

 **GRJWRU VSDUNB GRHV QRW FRQGRQH SHHU SUHVVXUH.**

* * *

 **A/N: I'll admit, this one didn't turn out quite as well as I wanted it to. But I wanted something a little bit lighter after The Telepathy Twins since that one was so dark. And there's some character development/introductions I'm glad I got to do in this chapter. I tried! That's all that matters!**


	6. Pier Pressure - Part II

When there was something strange in the cabin, who were Gideon and Robbie gonna call? _No one_.

The ghost of the abandoned lake cabin, while wispy and translucent, had fishing lines protruding from his back. At the ends were sharp fishing hooks floating menacingly like tentacles. He gazed upon the human trespassers with sunken eyes and said, "Who _dares_ enter my cabin?"

"Please don't hurt us!" Gideon whimpered. "Whatever we were doing was probably Wendy's fault."

"Don't tell him that!" Robbie said. "Please, we just want our friends back!"

The phantom fisherman let out a bellowing laugh. "YOU FOOLS! There is no- wait, there are more of you?"

Gideon and Robbie looked at each other in confusion. "Yeah... didn't you hear the other teenagers?" Robbie said.

The ghost was silent for a moment then his mouth dropped into an o. He flew to the window. He saw the shoes lined up on the pier and shook his fist at the lake. "Dang-nabbit! She got to them again!"

The ghost's fish hooks detached from his back and dejectedly sunk back into the floor boards. Without them, he looked like an ordinary human save for the bluish glow. Upon realizing the ghost was _not_ going to drag them to the other side, Gideon and Robbie relaxed a little bit. However, the ghost's outburst added to their confusion.

" _Who_ got to them again?" Robbie asked.

"I was so close to getting a good old fashioned scare!" the ghost lamented. "Why can't she let me have just _one_!? Ain't I entitled to one good scare!?" He stopped, remembering his unwilling guests. "I wager y'all are looking for an explanation." A ghostly banjo appeared in the ghost's hand. "I am Fred the fisherman. And this is my tale."

Robbie interrupted, "We don't have time to-"

" _This is my tale,_ " Fred the fisherman insisted with more forcefulness. He strummed his banjo and began. "Many seasons ago, I was an ordinary human. And I was married to an extraordinary woman. Her name was Zenobia."

Gideon thought back to the pictures in the study. Was Zenobia the person cut out in all of them?

"What I didn't know at the time was my beautiful Zenobia was a sea witch."

Definitely her.

"Probably should have reckoned she was what with her taking all those night swims," Fred said, stroking his fluffy beard. "But that's love for ya! I'd go fishing, she'd scare all the other fishermen away, we lived a mighty fine life! Until... the Snap Jacks."

"The Snap Jacks?" Gideon said.

Fred shuddered in his waders. His jaunty banjo tune turned somber. "The Snap Jacks. One of those greasy gangs. With their snapping fingers and their hip-shaking dance moves! They were throwing a dance party outside our house, and their music was so loud they caused me to crash my boat."

Reading the journal had given Gideon some knowledge of how ghosts operated. Usually they had a reason for not moving on to the afterlife. Sometimes it was unfinished business or feeling wronged, but ghosts never stuck around for no reason at all. From the sounds of it, Fred the phantom fisherman had a heaping pile of unfinished business...

"So that's why you haunt the cabin," Robbie realized. "To get revenge on the teenagers who caused your death."

"Revenge!? I'm not that petty!" Fred let the banjo go, and it drifted to the ceiling. "No, all I wanna do is give'em a good scare! Teach'em a lesson! But _Zenobia_ swore vengeance on all teenagers. After I became a ghost, we couldn't agree on what to do with those delinquents. That was when she returned to the lake."

That was the last place Gideon had seen the teenagers. He looked out the window at the shoes. He dreaded asking, but he had to. "...if a bunch of teenagers went swimming in that lake spot, would she notice?"

"You talking about those hooligans splashing around earlier? I reckon so. Your friends are probably at the bottom of the lake by now," Fred said.

"You mean they're..." Gideon didn't want to say the word out loud. It would make everything too real.

"Dead? Of course not!" Fred said. "But they are trapped in her underwater lair for all eternity."

"What!?" How was that better than death!? Pacifica was with the teenagers. She _was_ a teenager. If Zenobia was as vengeful as Fred built her up to be, she could be tormenting her right this second. "We have to save them!"

"It's no use, child. You are mighty sweet though. Zenobia would like you," Fred said.

Gideon turned to the closest thing to a responsible adult. "Robbie, we can't just leave them there!"

"I'm with you, Gideon. We won't," Robbie said. Then _he_ turned to the closest thing to a responsible adult. "Fred, we can't just leave them there!"

"Hmmm. You two _do_ look awkward and nonthreatening. Maybe she'll listen to you. She won't listen to me anymore," Fred said wistfully. Behind his ghost eyes was an afterlife of struggles and failed reconciliations. "Tell her Fred sent ya. That might put her in a good mood. Or a bad one. Only one way to find out!"

The lake awaited them the same way a spiderweb awaited a fly. No one would ever know that six teenagers were trapped beneath that calm surface. Gideon gulped. He could swim. That was about the only advantage he had.

Robbie asked Fred, "So all we have to do is jump in the lake?"

"Ya got that right!" Fred said. "Now get on out there or get the heck outta here!"

Gideon and Robbie left the cabin and approached the pier once again. The teenagers' shoes still sat there as a final warning of _Turn back!_ They slipped their shoes and socks off with much less vigor than the other teenagers had. Robbie removed his glasses and unbuttoned his shirt. Gideon removed his hat and vest. It was like removing armor.

Robbie said nothing so he wouldn't frighten Gideon. Gideon said nothing so Robbie wouldn't see him as a scared little kid. The only time either spoke up was when Gideon pulled the journal out of his vest. "Guess this isn't waterproof."

"You'll have to leave it," Robbie said. "Not unless you wanted it to be ruined."

Gideon hesitantly stored the journal underneath his hat, feeling like he was giving up an arm or a leg. He joined Robbie at the edge of the pier. No journal for Gideon, no glasses for Robbie. They stood side by side in only t-shirts and pants, exposed to the elements. The water lapped gently against the pier. They both knew better about what lurked beneath it.

"Ready?" Robbie said.

He was doing this for Pacifica. He wouldn't forget that. Gideon took a deep breath.

"Ready."

They plunged into the lake.

* * *

When it came to etiquette, there was an unspoken set of rules Bud was used to abiding by. Discomforting topics were never to be brought up. Personal problems stayed personal. Most of all, if someone had a secret, everyone knew it even if they acted like they didn't.

Stan Pines had his own rules, or lack thereof. "How's my house treating ya? Have you found a new special someone yet-" He took notice of Bud's wedding ring. "I guess not. Can't believe you're still wearing that thing. I'd have chucked it off years ago. But that's just me."

He was just the way Bud remembered, even down to the gray hair. His baby blue suit looked more expensive, and that watch around his wrist was definitely gold, but no amount of money could buy off Stan's crass personality. Those poor twins.

"I converted it into a gift shop," Bud said. "It's called the Craft Shack. It's an honestestablishment."

Stan scoffed at the mention of honesty. "Figures. I would have named it something with a little more _mystery_ like... uh... I can't think of anything at the moment."

"I hope you aren't looking to buy it back," Bud said.

Stan laughed, a raspy sound from years of smoking cigars. A gold tooth at the back of his mouth was visible. "Ha! You think I _want_ that hunk of junk back?"

Over ten years ago, Bud bought the Craft Shack from Stan, at the time just an ordinary house. With his cheap suit and run-down camper, Stan had practically begged Bud to buy the Shack. Once Bud signed the contract, Stan took off. He didn't even pack his things up, leaving Bud to go through boxes and boxes of junk. Bud never saw him again. Until now.

Up until now, Bud also thought he knew every corner of the Shack. Then a few days ago, Bud was restocking the vending machine. Something... strange happened. The one person who would know what to make of it was Stan.

Bud brought it up casually, trying not to let Stan get a read on him. "You didn't tell me about the basement."

Stan's crusty lips curled into a grin. This was why Bud hated talking to Stan. He never knew if Stan liked him or if he was just playing him. "Now what could possibly be so important about an old, dusty basement? It sounds like you've got yourself a nice, _honest_ establishment going already."

It was a dare, a gamble. Did Bud lay his cards all out, or did he try to prod at Stan one more time? He had to try. He had to know.

"I noticed the vending machine has a passcode on it."

"You can't get in, can you?" Stan said knowingly.

Any stoicism Bud had a grip on vanished. He never did have a good poker face. Stan shifted in his seat with the ease of a dealer holding the perfect deck. Of course, Bud was never a gambling man, and men like Stan Pines were the reason why.

"You must know it," Bud said. He almost added a _Please_ for good measure but figured Stan probably didn't know the meaning of the word.

"Watch yourself, Bud." Stan leaned back in the booth. "Talk like that, and I might think you have personal investment in this."

Bud stood up. "If you aren't going to tell me, I won't waste your time-"

" _Sit down_."

That wasn't a request. Bud stiffly sat back down in the booth. Stan laced his fingers together, his gaudy rings glinting in the lights. "You have a spare key to the Shack. I know because it used to be _my_ spare key. I want it."

"What on earth would you need it for?" Bud said, slightly alarmed.

"Depends. Why do _you_ want to get in the basement?" Bud didn't respond. Stan smirked. "That's what I thought. You get me that key, I'll get you the passcode."

The offer was a deal with the devil, but Bud would have preferred the devil. Stan picked at something in his teeth, waiting patiently. He could afford to wait; he had nothing to lose in this arrangement. If Bud turned down Stan's offer, he'd lose his his first lead in three years. Who knew how long he'd be waiting for the next one?

He couldn't take staring up at the ceiling every night, trying to put the pieces together. Not anymore. He _had_ to know.

"I'll have the key to you in a week," Bud said.

"That's what I like to hear. Now," Stan sat up and extended a hand. Bud stared uneasily at it. "Call it insurance. I wouldn't want you backtracking on your end of the deal." After a moment of thought, Bud silently shook hands with Stan Pines, his rings digging into Bud's hand.

A few booths over, a family of four cheerfully spooned a sundae. Bud envied how complete that family was. Outside, the sky was black, lit only by the stars and the neon glow of the ice cream parlor. It provided a grim, but fitting, backdrop to the creamy pastels inside. Shady deals in bright places. Dark and light together again.

Bud had a creeping feeling Stan wasn't going to slink back into the dark so easily as last time.

* * *

"You know, I kind of expected something to happen."

Robbie and Gideon floated in the lake without a single sea witch in sight. A fish swam by.

"Maybe she's not listening right now?" Gideon suggested.

"Wendy and the others couldn't have been in the lake for more than five minutes before they disappeared. We've been in here so long my _fingers_ are pruning." Robbie held up ten wrinkly fingers. Gideon looked down at his own hands and saw his were too.

An idea came to Gideon. "Wait, think. What was everyone doing when they jumped in the lake?"

"I don't know, splashing?" Robbie said. "Nothing out of-"

Before he could finish, Gideon splashed him right in the face. Robbie, spitting out lake water, said, "What was that for!?"

Gideon continued doing it. "Splash with me!"

And then Robbie caught on. He splashed back at Gideon in the most polite splash fight to ever occur in Gravity Falls. If Robbie was a little more aggressive and Gideon was a little less cautious, they might have actually had a real fight going. Instead, they fought like very frazzled ducks.

"Say something rebellious!" Gideon said.

"Like what?"

"Anything!"

"Um... one time I skipped class to go to a poetry reading!" Robbie said. Nothing happened. "I let Wendy copy off my math homework!" Still nothing. Robbie had one more trick up his sleeve. "I think flossing is stupid and a waste of time!"

With that, the water went unnaturally cold. Gideon and Robbie stopped splashing. Bubbles began rising out of the lake, and the current picked up. _We did it!_ Gideon thought. Oh god, they'd done it. It was a moment of triumph overshadowed by the sheer terror of whatever awaited them at the bottom of the lake.

As the water bubbled, Gideon began to run through their plan. Only... "Robbie, do we have a plan?"

Before Robbie could answer, something cold and scaly grabbed them by the ankles and pulled them under the water. The rush of water drowned their screams out, leaving only bubbles of air floating to the top of the lake. Down they went, deeper and deeper into the lake. Seaweed brushed against their faces, and the light from the night sky grew dimmer until they couldn't even see each other.

Whatever held them let go. Gideon heaved- he was breathing! How!? He looked around for Robbie, but the water was pitch black. Then slowly, small orbs of light came to life. A bubble of air surrounded Gideon, Robbie too. He touched the bubble out of curiosity and felt only cold smoothness.

"What is this place?" Gideon said. They were inside a grotto. All around him were splintered paddles, ripped fishing nets, and other gadgets and gizmos with no real value. "How did all this stuff get there?"

"I don't know. Man, think of all those poor, unfortunate souls..." Robbie said, his eyes landing on a waterlogged piano.

A school of sleek silver fish darted into the grotto. Gideon and Robbie froze. The water rippled as the fish swam, circling faster and faster until they were a blur. A pale green hand with sharp black nails rose from the swarm of fish. The fish dispersed, revealing a figure draped in tattered sails and fishing nets. Her hair was a tangle of seaweed leaving her face hidden.

There was no doubt as to who this was. As Zenobia the sea witch lifted her head, Gideon and Robbie saw what Fred said about his former wife was true. Zenobia _was_ beautiful. Beautifully _horrifying_.

"N-nice place you got here!" Robbie squeaked.

Zenobia swam silently around her two prisoners with the grace of a serpent. Gideon looked away. With veiny skin and black lips lined by thin, needly teeth, Zenobia lingered in an unsettling boundary between human and nonhuman. She stopped in front of Robbie's bubble.

"Tell me," Zenobia said. Her glowing eyes had no pupils, but they still bore right through Robbie's soul. "What is... the difference between a tuna and a piano?"

"Uh... a lot of things," Robbie said.

"Interesting answer." Her voice had a light, almost musical, quality. Her spiderlike fingers danced across the sunken piano. "But no. The difference is... you can tune a piano but you _can't_ tuna fish."

She broke out into laughter, amused by her own terrible joke more than Gideon and Robbie. Gideon was astounded. This was a mistake. The entire evening had been a procession of terrible mistakes, but Gideon thinking even for one _second_ they could reason with this sea witch was a colossal mistake.

Robbie cleared his throat. "Zenobia- _Mrs._ Zenobia- or Ms. Zenobia! We came here to ask for our friends back."

"Which friends? The fish?" Zenobia said.

"No, the teenagers who jumped into the lake right before us," Robbie said. "You know... the loud ones."

"You mean _these_ teenagers?" Zenobia pulled out a green glass bottle from her hair. Robbie and Gideon gasped. Tightly corked within the bottle were six tiny balls of light in six different colors: red, purple, pink, green, blue, and yellow.

"What have you done to them!?" Robbie said.

Zenobia laughed airily. "There's no need to get so sentimental. I've merely stored their essence in a less... talkative form." She lifted the cork and a chorus of screams erupted from the bottle. Gideon heard Pacifica's high-pitched scream in the mix and held back a cry of his own. Zenobia hummed to their shouts. "Symphonic, is it not?"

 _Pacifica._ The last conversation Gideon had with her replayed in his head. He banged his fist against the bubble and yelled, "Let them go!"

"Let them go?" Zenobia said. She jammed the cork back into the bottle, muffling the screams. "Why?"

"Because..." Gideon could vouch for Pacifica. But everyone else? The teenagers who'd done nothing but pick on him all night? Saving them was the right thing to do, but that didn't mean Gideon could form an articulate debate on _why_. "Because... they don't deserve to spend the rest of their lives at the bottom of a lake with a creepy sea witch!"

"And if you let them go, we promise they will _never_ bother you again!" Robbie added on a nicer note.

"Never again..." She seemed to drift away into a deeper plane of thought. Or maybe she was thinking up more fish jokes. Gideon couldn't tell. Suddenly, Zenobia raised her arms. "I like my plan better. You two can join them."

The water began swirling around her arms. Gideon shouted, "WAIT! Fred sent us!"

"Fred..." The water stopped. His name brought an unstable serenity over Zenobia. "Fred rhymes with said... head... _dead_." Zenobia rushed forward and pressed her bony hands against Gideon's bubble. She growled, "Why did Fred send you!?"

"I told you! To get our friends back!" Gideon said.

"You're lying! That selfish coward can't even speak to me in person." Zenobia traced a finger over Gideon's bubble, and summoned another current. "I'll sentence you to the same fate as the rest of your insufferable teenage friends. Yes, perfect. That'll show him!"

"But I'm not even a teenager!" Gideon said.

Zenobia pulled away from the bubble. Her eyes glowed brighter, as if finally seeing Gideon for the first time. "Oh, why didn't you say so?"

"Yeah! I'm ten!" It was the only real leverage Gideon had. If he could get Zenobia listen to him, he might be able to get everyone out of here. "So now will you let our friends go?"

"No. But I'll be keeping you forever as a pet," Zenobia crooned.

Or not.

"Now," Zenobia said, "what do you call two humans with no regard for living establishments?"

Zenobia began to twitch as she took control over the water, preparing to trap Gideon and Robbie with the others. A panic-stricken to Robbie looked over to Gideon in a silent plea for help. If only Gideon had the journal. The journal would know how to deal with a witch.

Wait. A devious witch. A magical lair. People in peril. Estranged lovers.

 _Gideon knew how to deal with this._

"Wait!" Gideon said. Zenobia stopped. "Before you trap us here for all of eternity... can we tell you a story?"

Zenobia tilted her head, the water rustling her hair. "Perhaps. What kind of story?"

"Gideon, what are you doing?" Robbie said through gritted teeth.

"Trust me on this," Gideon whispered. "I was thinking... a _fairytale_."

"What a daring proposition you offer." Zenobia drummed her fingers against a sunken canoe. She stabbed a nail into the wood. "I do hope it's a good fairytale."

"Oh, it will be," Gideon said, his fear gone now that he was in familiar territory. "But I'm going to need a few things for this."

"Like?"

"Remember the blonde girl with braces? I need you to release her," Gideon said. "To help me tell the fairytale."

Zenobia considered his offer. She then flicked her wrist, and the pink orb floated out of the bottle. It grew bigger until it was the size of Gideon and Robbie's bubbles. Then with a flash of light, the bubble turned clear, and a still screaming Pacifica Northwest appeared inside of it.

Her screaming died off when she saw Robbie and Gideon. "Guys! How did you get here!?"

"Same way you did," Gideon replied. "Oh, one more thing, Zenobia: I can't do this without a princess costume."

With a snap of Zenobia's fingers, Gideon's clothing poofed into a sparkling pink ballgown with puffy sleeves and a ginormous skirt. A glittering tiara appeared on top of his head.

" _Excellent_."

Pacifica, out of the loop and disoriented from being trapped in a bottle, understood instantly what Gideon had planned. This was the fairytale game they'd played as kids taken to the next level. And this time their lives depended on it.

"Once upon a time there was a sea witch, and she was very lonely," Gideon began. "Day in and day out, the sea witch would venture to the surface and snatch up helpless princesses to keep her company. No one dared venture to the sea witch's lair to rescue the stolen princesses."

Pacifica effortlessly slipped into the role of narrator. "One fateful day, the sea witch captured Princess Gideon. Only one person could save the princess: Robert the Ruthless!"

Robbie froze up. He was more than fine watching Gideon and Pacifica play out the fairytale. Pacifica and Gideon waited for Robbie to join in, but he couldn't think of anything to add to the story. The awkward pause didn't deter Gideon though.

"And so Robert the Ruthless charged after the sea witch!" Gideon said. "A warrior and a prince, Robert the Ruthless followed the sea witch to her cave. With his secret weapon..."

"...a poetry book!" Robbie said weakly.

Gideon mouthed _Really?_ but continued on. "Not just any poetry book! The most boring poetry book in the world! All across the land, not even the fiercest creatures could withstand more than five minutes of Robert's poetry before falling into a deep sleep. With this poetry book, he battled creatures that could have skewered him alive! Then finally he reached the lair of the sea witch."

Robbie was slowly catching on. He brandished his poetry book like the mightiest of swords. "I've come to rescue Princess Gideon!"

"And the sea witch cackled." Pacifica let out a surprisingly witchy cackle. "'You fool! Not only will you never rescue Princess Gideon, but you shall also never see the surface again!'"

"Then Robert the Ruthless did the unthinkable: he threw his poetry book down and pulled the sea witch into a loving embrace," Gideon said. He made sure Zenobia was listening closely to the next part. "For you see, the witch was also... his wife!"

Zenobia drew back as if physically pained. Gideon worried she might halt the storytelling and turn them into crabs. But despite her visible distress, Zenobia did not interrupt. Gideon pressed on. After all, this was the most important part.

"Long ago, before Robert became ruthless, he was a simple fisherman married to an extraordinary sea witch. But they had an argument, a horrible argument! In a rage, the sea witch left him!" Gideon said.

Robbie now easily picked up the narration. "Back in the cave, the sea witch was frozen in disbelief. Robert uttered, 'I stand before you not as a warrior, but as your husband. For I spend my nights alone yearning for you to be by my side again. As the days go on and I grow older, I come here to beg for you to come back with me.'"

"While the sea witch's heart had hardened over the years, deep down she still loved him," Pacifica said solemnly. "Her husband pleaded no longer with words but merely his heart. For even though he had grown old and she had taken so many lives, he loved her all the same"

"The sea witch gazed upon her husband. Then she..." Gideon paused, letting the dead silence fill the cave. Zenobia was now hooked to the fairytale. "I'm afraid that's all we can tell you."

"But how does it end?" Zenobia said.

"We don't know yet," Gideon answered. "Should the sea witch reconcile with Robert? Or trap in the same way she trapped all those princesses?"

Zenobia was silent. She withdrew into her folds of clothing the same way a child buried herself beneath a blanket. In a small voice, she said. "This story is about me and Fred, isn't it?"

"Fred misses you a lot," Gideon said. "You guys haven't talked for a _really_ long time. Weren't you in love?"

"Our love sank ships," Zenobia murmured. "Literally. People drowned."

"Do you still love him?"

An indescribable but familiar facial expression came over Zenobia. Gideon recognized it because it was the same look that came over Bud any time Gideon brought up his mom. Thinking about her husband, Zenobia looked the most human Gideon had seen her. She didn't have to say she loved Fred. Gideon could tell.

"You know what Fred called you? _Extraordinary._ I know it's been awhile, but you can still make amends," Gideon said. He thought about his dad. "Not everyone can do that."

"Do you think he'll take me? After all this time?" Zenobia said.

"There's only one way to find out."

Zenobia wrapped herself around a sunken buoy. She looked out toward the cave exit and gripped the buoy harder. "You're right. I'll go to him. I am scared though."

"You can do it! You've got a lot of great stuff going for you!" Aside from the luring humans into entrapment part. Speaking of... "I hate to ask, but can you actually let the others go? I know they're huge jerks and no one would miss them..." Gideon caught Robbie glaring at him. "...but I'm certain they'll _never_ bother you again.

"Very well. Thank you, child," Zenobia said. She uncorked the bottle and the other orbs of light floated out. "But know if they ever come back, I _will_ drag them down here by the roots of their hair."

"That's fair," Gideon said.

Zenobia waved her hands, and a flurry of bubbles surrounded everyone. He looked one last time toward Zenobia. She gave a small smile before the bubbles propelled Gideon and the others out of the grotto shooting them back up to the top of the lake. Gideon felt like he was flying. He hoped Zenobia felt the same way.

* * *

 **1-25-17'7 14-13-13-14-22-12 6-6-9-12-11-3 22-7-15'2 23-7-5-7 23-21 3-19-4-8 7-3 3-13.**

* * *

Gideon's clothes had thankfully returned to normal after everyone resurfaced. He'd miss the tiara though. Everyone flopped onto the pier, soaking wet and completely exhausted.

"What the heck happened after that seaweed lady trapped us in the bottle?" Wendy said, wringing her hair out.

"Well..." Robbie looked to Gideon. His face fell. There was no way to make marriage counseling in a princess dress sound heroic. "Gideon... he dove down to the bottom of the lake and started whacking her with a paddle. Then he grabbed the bottle and smashed it! It was _awesome_."

"Whoa, you really did that?" Nate said to Gideon.

"That's insane, kid!" Lee said. "I can see why you brought him along, Robbie."

The teenagers were being so... _nice_. Gideon didn't know how to react. Robbie gave Gideon a quick thumbs up. Gideon was grateful beyond words Robbie had backed him up. Besides, the teenagers didn't have to know what _really_ happened.

"Yeah, yeah, the kid saved our butts. Whatever," Wendy said. "At least I got a cool story from this. Who's ready to go home?"

Everyone silently put their clothes back on and piled into Thompson's car. The car ride back was a much calmer one. Thompson dropped Robbie, Pacifica, and Gideon off at the Craft Shack. Although it had felt like an eternity, the night was still young. Bud's car wasn't even in the driveway yet.

Robbie, Gideon, and Pacifica all plopped on the couch with no intention of moving. "All in favor of never telling Bud that happened?" Robbie said.

"I," Gideon and Pacifica chimed.

"Hey Gideon?" He looked over to Pacifica. "I'm sorry I ditched you. I was trying so hard to hang with dumb teenagers that _I_ became a dumb teenager."

After going head to head with sea witch, the argument they'd had felt more like footnote. He remembered how Robbie talked about being a teenager, and Pacifica's actions made a little more sense. "It's okay. You _are_ a teenager. You got caught up in the crowd."

She playfully punched Gideon in the shoulder. "Well, the crowd didn't save us all from a crazy sea witch."

"Seriously, you jammed," Robbie said. "We should play that fairytale game some time."

"Really?"

"I'm up for it!" Pacifica said.

If Gideon wasn't so worn out, he'd be dragging them out the door right now. But for the moment, he was content. Aside from smelling like lake water, he hadn't felt this happy all night. "Can we just watch TV right now?"

He thought for a moment Robbie might send them to bed. Instead, Robbie grabbed the remote. "I'm on it."

And so the evening ended exactly the same way it began: a talking dog in a lab coat. Gideon wouldn't have changed a thing.

* * *

 **UIVW'H VC DRUV HGROO NRHHVH SRN. YFG SVI ZRN RH TVGGRMT YVGGVI!**

* * *

 **A/N: I only put in _two_ Little Mermaid references! Two! The monsters in this chapters were very Disney-inspired, in case you couldn't tell. I had a lot more fun with this half of Pier Pressure, especially the whole bit with Gideon and Zenobia. I wish I could draw because I have such a clear picture of how she looks in my head. Oh well, I hope that comes across in writing! And if you're missing the Telepathy Twins, don't worry. They'll be back in the next chapter!**


	7. Ten Little Anomalies - Part I

Three summers apart left a lot for Gideon and Pacifica to catch up on. While Gravity Falls hadn't changed much, being older meant that they had a lot more independence. So Pacifica took Gideon under her wing and decided to introduce him to the wonders of thrift shopping.

They went to Shop Thrifty, a shoebox of a store packed with items no longer wanted by their former owners. There was also a very real possibility some of those former owners were dead, leaving their possessions to Shop Thrifty.

Gideon didn't quite understand why thrift shopping was practical. Like who needed an entire jar of broken mousetraps?

Pacifica was in her element though. She buzzed around Shop Thrifty like an archeologist exploring a cave of treasures. "Take this pig whistle! True, I don't have a pig, but maybe this is the universe's way of saying I'll meet a pig someday!" Pacifica put the whistle in her shopping bag. "Also, it's fifty cents. That's even less than a chocolate bar!"

Gideon picked up a book with a sassy teen detective on the cover. "Betty Jupiter! I thought they stopped publishing these!" Girl detective extraordinaire from the olden days, Betty Jupiter was one of his favorite book series.

"See? Thrift shopping has something for everyone!" Pacifica said.

Two girls around Pacifica's age walked into Shop Thrifty carrying a stack of posters. Gideon and Pacifica paid them little mind until they started talking.

"Did you see Dipper last night?" the girl with a red bob said. "He looked so dreamy!"

Gideon froze.

"How is he so cool?" the other girl said. She had fluffy brown hair. She tacked one of their posters to a wall, revealing yet another advertisement for the Telepathy Twins show. "If I were him, I'd be a nervous wreak up on that stage!"

"It must be a showbiz thing. I heard the Telepathy Twins performed for royalty!"

"You're kidding!"

"You know what I'd love? A _personal_ show, if you know what I mean," the redhead said, suggestively wriggling her eyebrows.

"Tell you what: I get Mabel, and you get Dipper," the brunette said.

"Agreed!"

The girls squealed and ran out of the shop. Pacifica pointedly rummaged through the bargain bin. They wouldn't be jumping up and down if they knew what the Telepathy Twins were really like. Ignoring them had gotten increasingly difficult in the past couple weeks. With the posters, TV ads, and even word of the mouth, the Telepathy Twins were everywhere.

Gideon voiced the same sentiments. "I can't believe they're still in town. I was hoping they were a traveling act." The Telepathy Twins had slowly pervaded into Gravity Falls and had shown no signs of leaving.

"Right? Ugh, that reminds me my parents are throwing a dinner party tonight," Pacifica said. "And guess who's the guest of honor?"

She nodded towards the poster. Gideon grimaced. "No way. Why'd your parents invite them?"

"Because they have zero standards," Pacifica said as she scraped gum off a perfectly good pair of heels. "I don't know, they always get so self-conscious whenever new people come into town. Like they have to put on a show, dazzle them, whatever."

"Are you going?"

"I have to. Although I'm not crazy about having Creepy and Creepier in my house." Pacifica casted a glare at the advertisement. "Not to mention their weird uncle."

The Telepathy Twins beckoned from the poster for guests to join their magic show. It was only a drawing, but the twins looked lifelike. Gideon feared Mabel might break through the poster and grab him by the throat.

"My parents said I could invite you, but I know how you feel after..."

"Mabel," Gideon said. Speaking the name felt wrong, like uttering Latin from an ancient summoning book. "But you'll have to deal with them all by yourself."

"Trying not to think about that. I mean, my parents will be there, and Lazy Susan's gonna be working the bar. They wouldn't turn me into Swiss cheese in front other people, right? At least I hope not." She instinctively touched her cheek where the knife had sliced past her. The cut had already healed, leaving only memories of what Dipper and Mabel were capable of.

Gideon still remembered that day with Mabel. Doting on her, wanting to cry out for help, but being physically unable to do so. He didn't like thinking about what would have happened if Pacifica hadn't investigated the Tent of Telepathy.

If Pacifica was in Gideon's position, she'd go to the party. She deserved the same support.

"I'll go."

"You will!?"

"I can't avoid Mabel for the entire summer."

Pacifica was practically glowing as she pulled Gideon into a tight hug. "Thank you thank you thank you!"

"Paz! Breathing!" Gideon squeaked.

"Oh, right." She let go. "Trust me, I'll make sure Mabel doesn't get any closer than ten feet to you. With you, me, and..." Pacifica ran to one of the bins and pulled out the first item she saw. "This banjo! We'll be unstoppable."

"There is literally no situation where a banjo is going to save us," Gideon said.

"Now that you've jinxed us there totally is! I've got a good feeling about this banjo." Pacifica strummed the banjo and one of the strings popped off.

They walked out of Shop Thrifty with a bag of junk and their trusty new (or old) banjo. Pacifica prattled on about decorations for the party and Gideon was content listening. Her animated chattering was strangely soothing. It served as a nice distraction for what Gideon would be facing later that night.

Likewise, Pacifica talked to distract herself from the very same thing. In the back of her mind though, Dipper Pines' warning echoed: _Don't think this is the last you've seen of us._

She didn't know what she hated more: having the Telepathy Twins in her house or knowing Dipper was right.

* * *

On top of a hill overlooking the entirety of Gravity Falls stood an absurdly tiny house. It was made even more absurd by the size of the lot. Hundreds of trees had been cleared out. Against the wide expanse of open land, the house looked like a fleck of dirt.

The lot was never intended for such a small house. When Nathaniel Northwest commissioned the lumberjacks back in the nineteenth century, he had a grand mansion in mind. It would be a testament to the Northwest name, a small wonder of the world right in Gravity Falls.

Money had something different in mind.

After clearing the trees out, the lumberjacks discovered their employer didn't have the funds needed to complete the estate. They collectively walked out. One faithful lumberjack stuck around to finish construction. With only one set of hands doing the work, the lumberjack did his best to complete the house. The finished product was neither grand nor wondrous, but it would stay standing. The Northwests could settle for that.

Unfortunately, the fates punished the lumberjack for his loyalty. As he nailed down the last shingle on the roof, he got struck by lightning. To commemorate the lumberjack's untimely death, the Northwests turned their house into a bar and named it the Lumberjug. Legend had it on stormy nights when lightning flashed, the scorched outline of the lumberjack's body could be seen on the roof.

To Pacifica Northwest, the ramshackle house on top of the hill was simply her home. The same way it was her parents' home. And her grandparents'. And her great-grandparents'. And probably her great-great-grandparents'.

Storm clouds gathered over Gravity Falls as Gideon and Pacifica set up for the dinner party. Her parents at brought out their most decadent decorations for the party, which by their standards were about as lavish as a yard sale. Gideon shuffled through battered cardboard boxes dragged from the attic/Pacifica's bedroom. "Uh, Paz? Are you sure your parents wanna use Christmas lights?"

"If they still work, string'em up!" Pacifica said from the dining room.

He was about to ask if she wanted the Halloween decorations taken down before realizing the animal heads mounted on the walls were year-round.

Pacifica pried open another folding chair rusted at the hinges and dragged it to the large round table. A dingy polyester tablecloth gave the dining room a fraction of class. She counted out ten sets of mismatched silverware. Dipper and Mabel were seated next to each other, and Pacifica made sure Gideon's name card was far out of Mabel's reach.

The food was set out, the electric candles switched on, and the only thing left to do was wait for the guests. Since getting the news two days ago, Pacifica had been jittery about the Pines coming to her house. Now she was calm. Perhaps she'd shaken all the nerves right out of her body.

The doorknocker thudded twice. Showtime. "I've got it!" Pacifica yelled. She ran to the foyer.

The Pines weren't at the door; instead, it was Reverend McGucket. "Hello, Pacifica! I'm here for the soup drive." He held up a paper bag stuffed with cans of soup. "I brought the soup!"

"Excellent! You brought the appetizer!"

Preston Northwest came into the foyer in a leisure suit that had seen better decades. Like his daughter, Preston appreciated the brighter outfits in life. Also plaid. Bright, horrifying plaid. His style may have been horrendous, but Preston walked like he was wearing a custom-tailored suit.

Realization dawned on McGucket's face as he figured out the event he'd been invited to was _not_ a soup drive. "Preston, you have got to stop doing this!" McGucket said. "You're setting a horrid example for your daughter."

"I must apologize, Reverend, I do believe I got the invitations mixed up!" Preston said smoothly. "Nonetheless, we could always use a man of your... _repute_ at the party. You must stay!"

McGucket saw right through the lie but made no move to leave. "Very well. But all I'll be drinking is water."

"I wouldn't have it any other way!" Preston said.

McGucket went inside, Preston giddily shutting the door behind him. Pacifica rolled her eyes. As soon as McGucket was out of sight, she pounced on her dad. "Seriously? The preacher? Dad, I know you want to impress the Pines family, but _come on_."

"Pacifica, we've been over this. The Pines already have an adoring relationship with the people of Gravity Falls," Preston explained. "If we can curry their favor, it'll do wonders for the Northwest reputation!"

"Who gives a crap about reputation!?" Pacifica said.

Preston knelt down and put a hand on Pacifica's shoulder. In a calming voice, he said, "Some people do a lot more than they should. Pacifica, I know you don't like the Pines, but this means the world to me and your mother. I appreciate you helping out."

Beneath the bravado and the white lies, her dad always had good intentions. Like the time he set a wild horse loose during Pioneer Day. He'd only wanted to recreate the Wild Horse Rampage of 1872. Pacifica was mortified. But after the town let them out from the stocks, Preston took her to the mall and let her pick out something new and not secondhand.

So even when her dad drove her crazy with his social climbing schemes... Pacifica loved him all the same. "Thanks, Dad. And I'll help during the party too." Someone had to keep the Lumberjug standing.

"That's my little partner in crime, always toughing it out!" He gently rustled her hair.

"Dad, watch the hair!" Pacifica patted her hair back down. Even so, she harbored a tiny smile.

"All right, all right, I'm going to check in on the kitchen. And remember what I told you: it's not child labor, it's volunteer work!" Preston said.

Preston left Pacifica in the foyer. Back to waiting. She straightened a few grainy photographs on the wall, mostly to give her something to do. Out of curiosity, she peered through a stained window. No guests in sight. However, those storm clouds were getting thicker.

Meanwhile, Gideon had run into Pacifica's mom in the bar area. Eccentric fashion sense must have run in the family; Priscilla Northwest looked like she'd stepped straight out of a low-budget animation from the 60s. She'd meticulously applied her makeup for the party and had gone through several gaudy print minidresses before settling on a bright yellow and purple paisley one.

The only thing Priscilla prided more than her looks was her daughter. "And when she was five, she sold lemonade outside the Lumberjug!" Priscilla said, her dirty blonde beehive tilting dangerously to the side. "Only she wasn't selling many glasses, so I added a little something-something to suck in those customers, if you know what I mean..."

Gideon did not know what she meant but opted not to tell her. "That's mighty fascinating."

"Isn't it? My little Pacifica's so creative! You should have seen the fondue party she coordinated last year- oh dear, you probably don't care about that as much as I do." Priscilla leaned over the bar. "Lazy Susan, be honest. I'm rambling again, aren't I?"

Known for her lazy eye and her lazy work ethic, "Lazy" Susan Wentworth lived up to the nickname. She'd kept to herself during the entire conversation between Gideon and Priscilla. Now that Priscilla had dragged her into it, Lazy Susan was more than happy to indulge her boss. "You're rambling."

"I knew it! I just don't know when to quit!" Priscilla said. With a melodramatic sigh, she draped herself across the bar.

Lazy Susan didn't comment.

Gideon had mostly stayed away from Lazy Susan during setup. She'd made no efforts to converse with him anyways. Besides, every time he looked in her direction, his eyes fell on those creepy snake tattoos twisted around her arms. Not knowing what was underneath that lazy eye also put Gideon a little on edge. On top of that, Mabel was due to arrive any minute.

Still, Gideon couldn't ignore that annoying Southern tendency to make small talk during an awkward silence. "So... Susan, do you like working here?"

"No. The Northwests are paying me to work overtime," Lazy Susan said dryly, polishing the glasses. She stopped mid-polish and narrowed her good eye at Priscilla. "I _am_ getting paid this time, aren't I?"

With a shaky laugh, Priscilla said, "Of course, of course! You'll be compensated in some way, shape, or form! We'll work out the details later."

Before Lazy Susan could object, Priscilla bolted to the kitchen, her white go-go boots clonking against the wooden floor. Lazy Susan muttered something under her breath. It didn't sound like English.

Gideon lasted two seconds alone with Lazy Susan. "Well, this is going nowhere." He returned to the foyer.

Pacifica was standing idly near the door. When Gideon came up behind her, she jumped. "Sorry. Thought you were them."

"Mabel would be the type to make a grand entrance," Gideon remarked.

"Agh, don't plant that idea in my head!" Pacifica said. "You ready?"

 _Was_ he? The more Gideon thought about being in the same room with Mabel, the more second thoughts he had. What was he supposed to do if she tried to talk him? Or even worse, what if she tried to get him alone? Was it too late to get a ride back to the Shack?

It was. Pacifica and Gideon heard a screech of tires followed by car doors slamming. There was a moment of silence, then the doorknocker sounded once.

It was a knock heard around the entire building. Preston and Priscilla rushed to the door, with Reverend McGucket trailing curiously behind them. Lazy Susan looked up from her position in the bar and craned her neck toward the foyer. Pacifica steeled herself. And Gideon, trembling and hyperventilating, made an important decision.

"I can't do this. Hide me!"

Pacifica scrambled for a hiding spot. She opened a cupboard and pushed aside some dishes. "In here!"

Gideon squeezed into the cupboard right as Dipper and Mabel Pines swept into the Lumberjug accompanied by their great uncle. Their presence brought the normally warm Lumberjug to a chill. Even Reverend McGucket looked discomforted. The Pines family had quite the entourage with them. Wendy came in right after them followed by Robbie and...

"Soos!?"

Soos walked in wearing a surprisingly snazzy tuxedo and a driver's hat. "Oh hey, Pacifica! The Pines hired me to be their chauffeur! How cool is that?"

"Don't talk to her," Dipper ordered.

"Sure thing, dude!" Soos said. He still gave a friendly thumbs up to Pacifica.

While Pacifica scrutinized the Pines from a safe distance, her parents made a beeline for the family. "Welcome! We're so delighted to have you here!" Preston said.

"The food's free, right?" Stan said.

"Grunkle Stan, that is no way to talk to our hosts!" Mabel admonished. She looked back to the Northwests. "The food is _edible_ , right?"

"Certainly!" Priscilla said. The strain in her voice made it sound like even she wasn't certain about the food. "Come inside! Please!"

And so the mingling began. Preston and Priscilla hovered around Mabel and Stan like gnats. Only Dipper remained at the door, several feet away from Pacifica. Pacifica coldly crossed her arms. "Hope you're not in the mood for target practice."

"You think I'd risk pulling something like that around other people? If I wanted to do anything, I would have done so by now," Dipper said, his voice calm and even. Pacifica noted a thin white tie had replaced his amulet.

"How's not having a magic amulet going for you anyways?" she said.

"Sublime," Dipper retorted.

"My parents may have invited you, but that does _not_ mean you are welcome here," Pacifica said.

"You're breaking my heart."

"Listen here Dipshi-" Pacifica caught herself. Gideon was in the room. " _Dipshifter_. I meant what I said. This isn't the Tent of Telepathy. You're in _my_ house now. "

"Your house is a bar? That explains a lot."

"It has character!"

"Right."

Dipper left Pacifica fuming. If only the party had been sooner. She could have at least derived some satisfaction in seeing the black eye she gave him. On the bright side, Dipper hadn't made any outright threats. She'd keep monitoring him from a distance.

Meanwhile, Pacifica needed to micro-manage everyone else at the party. Northwest parties had taught her that party guests were like chemicals. Mix certain ones together, and the party could go up in flames. Dipper was under control for now; she doubted he'd cause much damage other than psychological damage. The wild card was his sister.

Speaking of, Mabel was nowhere in sight. Which meant she could find Gideon. Pacifica took off.

Mabel had actually sent Priscilla hurrying to the kitchen after mentioning her dislike for chocolate. In truth, Mabel loved chocolate. But like mother like daughter, winding up Priscilla was positively entertaining. Distracting her also gave Mabel a chance to explore.

Mabel floated through the rooms, fingers touching everything within reach. She liked knowing the space. When Mabel brushed her fingers against a dingy chandelier (those crystals were clearly glass), the object had more depth. It was like reading a book only much more satisfying. The surroundings might prove useful as well, especially when Dipper and Mabel got to their performance.

Her wandering brought her back to the foyer. The bartender was watching her. Fair enough. Mabel was watching her too. Just to get her squirming, Mabel looked directly at her and flashed an innocent smile. She hastily grabbed a glass to polish.

Before she continued her exploration, Mabel heard someone sneeze from... a cupboard? Wait. That adorable, kitten-like sneeze could only belong to two people, and her brother wasn't in the room.

Mabel dragged a perfectly manicured nail across the counter and rapped her knuckles above the cupboard. "I know you're in there," she purred.

After a moment of silence, Gideon Gleeful inched out of the cupboard and met Mabel's smiling face. "H-hey Mabel."

"Gideon! No one told me my little sugar cube would be here!" Mabel said, uncomfortably close to him.

"And you're gonna act like he's not."

Like a vengeful guardian angel, Pacifica Northwest strode through the foyer and firmly planted herself between Gideon and Mabel. "Of course _you'd_ show up," Mabel said, no longer attempting to hide her disdain for Pacifica.

In turn, Mabel's open contempt for Pacifica meant Pacifica no longer had to feign courtesy around Mabel. Also she wasn't wearing her headband tonight which made talking back much less intimidating. Pacifica put her hands on her hips. "Gideon is off-limits. You lay one finger on him, I will personally kick you out of my house."

"Say, you wouldn't have a house to kick me out of if it burned down, would you?" Mabel said.

"I don't know what sick punchline you're getting to, but-"

"Oh, you didn't know?" Mabel spoke in the same tone used when talking to an exceptionally dumb toddler. "Wood is highly flammable."

As Pacifica processed what Mabel was insinuating, she took her exit. Pacifica let out a frustrated grunt. "I can't believe her! I hope our fire extinguisher still works."

"Did you see the way she found me?" Gideon looked over his shoulder, making sure Mabel wasn't hiding in wait for him to be alone. He couldn't forget the way Mabel's intense blue eyes bore into his. She looked at him like a lost possession she was intent on getting back.

"I know. God, if I can just get through this one night with the house still standing..." Pacifica started going over the status of the party guests. "Okay, Mabel's a potential arsonist, Dipper's smug but not a threat, Dad's talking to Soos - fine. McGucket's not important. Mom is..." Pacifica looked around. In the lounge, she caught sight of an auburn-haired woman with a camera slung around her neck. "Oh no."

"What is it?" Gideon said.

"Shandra Jimenez."

Gideon actually knew who this person was, if only by name. She'd snapped pictures of him and Mabel when she'd been parading him around. He'd assumed she wrote for _Gravity Falls Daily_ , but he later found out she wrote for her own headline _Gravity Falls Hourly_. He didn't know if she actually wrote articles by the hour.

Trying to find some sliver lining, Gideon said, "Maybe Shandra can give some exposure to the Lumberjug."

"Yeah, if Shandra was a _real_ reporter." Her mom was talking animatedly to Shandra. Shandra was going to bleed her dry if Pacifica didn't step in. "I gotta do damage control. Can you handle yourself?"

"I'll be fine."

As Pacifica headed to the lounge, Gideon gravitated to the one other person he knew well: Robbie. "Some party, huh?"

"That's one way to put it," Robbie said. He'd sanctioned off his own little corner in the bar area, safe to observe the party guests with minimum interaction. In case no one at the party wanted to talk to him, Robbie had also brought a poetry book.

"So the Northwests invited you too?" Gideon asked.

"Not exactly. Wendy did."

"They invited _Wendy_?"

"Actually, I think Dipper invited her," Robbie said, sounding uncertain on how the sequence of invitations played out. "Guess the Northwests couldn't say no to the guests of honor. Check it out."

Gideon looked around the Lumberjug and saw Dipper over at the punch bowl with Wendy. He stood comically shorter than the lanky redhead, made only funnier by him standing up as straight as possible. He appeared to be carrying on a one-sided conversation that Wendy had been cornered into listening to.

"And that's why the Black Death was such a success," Dipper concluded. Wendy took another disinterested swig of punch. "Do you need more punch- do you _want_ more punch? I'll get you more punch."

Wendy crushed the red plastic cup with her bare hands and tossed it to the floor. "I'm good. Man, this place is even more of a dive than I remember."

Dipper laughed, a challenge for him. He wanted to sound like he found her remark genuinely funny but not _too_ funny. "That is an accurate statement!" No, that didn't come out right. What was he, a robot? "I mean- sentences!"

Wendy raised an eyebrow.

"Excuse me."

He escaped to a window, one of the few remotely decent areas in this hovel. He hated the flush in his cheeks and beads of perspiration on his forehead. This type of behavior was unacceptable around other people. No matter - after a few minutes, he quietly recovered from the blunder with Wendy and returned to his usual state of cold aloofness. No one suspected a thing.

Except Mabel. Times like these she didn't even _need_ a psychic connection to know what Dipper was thinking. She crept in out of nowhere. "Somebody's in love..."

"What? I am not," Dipper said. "Wendy's an interesting person, and I think it would be advantageous to spend time with her-"

"On a date?" Mabel said teasingly. That pink flush returned with a vengeance. "What's the matter? Afraid of humiliating yourself in front of your new GIRLFRIEN-!"

Dipper clamped a hand over Mabel's mouth. "Can you keep it down? You're gonna blow my chances with Wendy."

"Sure I am. You have to appreciate the irony of this situation, Dipdop. 'Mabel, he's just a boy! You need to focus more!'" Mabel said in her best Dipper voice. "'I'm Dipper Pines, and I never get distracted by girls!' Are we becoming each other? Am I going to start reading nerd books?"

"I do not talk like that," Dipper said. "I'm gonna get mingling over with. Hopefully talking with these hicks isn't _too_ painful."

Mabel snickered. She knew enough about crushes to tell when someone reciprocated. Dipper's little crush on Wendy was going to crash and burn, and Mabel couldn't wait to watch the fireworks.

Meanwhile, she had other more important matters. She'd cultivated a few connections at the party, a miracle given who she had to pick from. Shandra promised a glowing write-up about Mabel's showbiz tips, and she'd even put in a good word for Dipper. She had Pacifica's parents under her heel from the moment she stepped into their mud pit of a home. Pity their daughter wasn't so easy to subdue.

Only Gideon remained out of her grasp. He was tantalizingly close, but he was afraid. Afraid of the potential their relationship held. There had to be some kind of grand gesture Mabel could do to win him over. She'd eradicate the sun if that was what he wished.

Except that wasn't.

Soos noticed Mabel staring out the window deep in thought. "How's it hanging, Miss Mabel?"

"Have you ever been in love?" Mabel asked bluntly.

"All the time! Like right now I'm in love with this dip!" Soos crammed another chip in his mouth. "What is the secret to such deliciousness?"

"But what if the dip wanted nothing to do with you?"

The question took him aback somewhat. Mabel had barely said two words to him in the car, let alone anything this thought-provoking. "That's pretty deep stuff, hambo- I mean, Miss Mabel. I guess I'd be pretty bummed out."

"Then what would you do?" Mabel said.

"Well... I'd respect the dip's wishes," Soos replied. He was so kind. Dipper would pity him. "Then maybe give the dip some space. Like it wanted!"

"But you're in love this dip- you're not just going to let it slip through your fingers!" Mabel said in a more aggressive tone.

Soos frowned. "I feel like I'm missing some subtext here-"

Mabel grabbed him by the collar and stood up on her tiptoes so they were eye-to-eye. "Jesús, you have one chance to make this dip love you again. You're really going to squander a lifetime of happiness because you don't have the courage to talk?"

"Well, when you put it that way... Okay, change of plans," Soos said. "I'd have a long, talk with the dip. You know, nice and intimate."

"So you're saying I should use intimate details of the dip's life to bring him closer to me?" Something intimate... Mabel's memory went back to a conversation with Pacifica of all people. She'd said something important about Gideon. That was what Mabel would use to get him back.

"That's not _exactly_ what I said, but-"

"You've been immensely helpful." Her steps lighter and her heartbeat quicker, Mabel left Soos alone and confused at the window. She needed to inform Dipper of the change in plans.

Of the guests Dipper had talked to, the most tolerable of the bunch had been Reverend McGucket. He spoke eloquently despite the faint Southern drawl. Having lived in Gravity Falls for over thirty years, he was also a valuable source of information. At one point Dipper even... _enjoyed_ their conversation. He didn't have to force himself to remember social cues and fight the urge to climb up to the roof for some solitude.

McGucket had been giving Dipper some insight into the Lumberjug itself. "The building is old enough to be historically significant, but the Northwests don't take proper advantage of it."

"So why do they still live here?" Dipper said.

"You've seen the ragged state of this place- I mean, I don't wish to speak ill of the Northwests," McGucket lowered his voice, "but everyone knows they couldn't afford to move anywhere else. The only reason the Lumberjug gets any real business is because it's the only bar within thirty miles."

Interesting. Dipper could tell from the worn state of Pacifica's clothes she wasn't rich, but he didn't know the Northwests were _this_ poor. "Reverend, I'm curious. What would you do with the Lumberjug?"

McGucket took the bait almost instantly. "Truthfully, I'd like to turn the Lumberjug into a more respectable establishment. Perhaps a shelter. The church is in need of renovations, but if I had ownership of a place like this I could relocate altogether."

"Is that so?" Dipper said. He mentally stored away that juicy tidbit of information.

"That's merely a distant dream though!" McGucket laughed a little too lightheartedly. "I would never force the Northwests out!"

Dipper saw Stan headed toward him with a stern expression on his face. McGucket noticed too, and he tensed up. However, Stan reached them before McGucket could excuse himself. "Mabel told me about the change in plans."

"Change in plans?" Dipper said calmly. He knew by now Grunkle Stan loved to goad him into reacting - he saw it as a challenge.

"Something about 'soulmates.' I don't know the details, but she's looking for you. You'd best find her; I don't want this show bombing because you two aren't up to speed," Stan said.

Dipper didn't know why Stan was so concerned. They weren't exactly performing for royalty. "Very well. Nice meeting you, Reverend."

Reverend McGucket gave a shaky wave as Dipper left. The two men stood in awkward silence. Stan was a sharp man, and he could tell McGucket was fixated on him. "Do I know you?"

"No," McGucket said quickly. "I believe not. If you'll excuse me, I need to use the restroom."

On his way to the restroom, McGucket passed Shandra and Pacifica in a heated conversation with Priscilla trying to mediate. "You weren't invited!" Pacifica said, struggling to keep her voice down. "I don't even know how you got in here!"

"The backdoor was open," Shandra replied, cool as a glass of water. On the other hand, Pacifica was redder than a tomato. "Since when did your family develop standards anyways?"

"We don't have any!" Priscilla cut in. "No standards here- please stay, Shandra."

The underlying plea was _Please don't write an inflammatory article about the party_. A good reporter always knew how to pick out the subtext. Shandra smirked. "I'm simply doing my job, Priscilla. I follow the story, and I've got a feeling there's a big one happening at this party." She glared sharply at Pacifica. "And I think this story just got a pretty solid lead."

"At least wait until the Telepathy Twins have performed! Surely that's worth writing about!" Priscilla said.

"Oh, my main feature will be the Telepathy Twins," Shandra said. "Don't worry, the Northwest party will also feature on the front page - maybe under the Social Disasters column."

Priscilla paled. "But-"

"Mom, I think Dad was looking for you," Pacifica cut in. "You should go check on him."

"I- of course."

Once Priscilla had left, Pacifica made no efforts to be polite. "Don't you have anything better to write about?"

"You think it's easy finding stories in this backwoods town? I'm already scraping from the bottom of the barrel here," Shandra said. Her eyes lit up with an idea, one that she'd probably planned springing on Priscilla. "Perhaps my story would be favorable if I had an interview."

"You are a desperate, attention-grabbing leech, and I am _never_ doing another interview with you," Pacifica hissed.

Shandra pulled out a tape recorded hidden in her shoe. Pacifica's stomach dropped; Shandra had gotten her. Again. "Maybe I'll go on home and write my article now. Which headline's more striking: _Northwest Party More Disastrous Than a Bolt of Lightning_ or _Northwest Daughter Calls Hapless Guest a Leech_? I'm leaning more toward the second one..."

"Okay fine!" Pacifica said. "I'll answer one question."

"I deserve at least five."

"Two."

"Three."

"...fine."

Shandra sprung into reporter mode as if headlining a national news network. "Pacifica Northwest, was the party for Dipper and Mabel Pines solely to improve social standing?"

"No," Pacifica said.

"So your family has _other_ ulterior motives? Good to know."

"That's not what I meant!"

Shandra ignored her. "Next question: the guest list for this party was awfully small. Did you unwittingly exclude most of the good people of Gravity Falls from the party?"

"Of course not." Pacifica realized how easily that phrase could be twisted around. "I mean we didn't knowingly-"

Too late. "The exclusive guest list was _deliberate_. Very interesting. You're doing great, Pacifica. Final question: if your family possessed more money, what would they spend the money on?"

"I don't know? My parents deal with money stuff."

"Not educating their daughter on financial matters? I can't say I'm surprised," Shandra with mock sympathy. Pacifica was too flabbergasted to respond. "And your parents intend to ask for money from the Pines family. I completely understand."

"NO! Not in a million- _trillion_ years!" Pacifica sputtered.

Shandra switched off the tape recorder. "Thank you so much for your time, Pacifica. Look for the story in tomorrow's paper."

She began to walk away, but Pacifica wasn't about to let her slip out so easily. "That interview was completely biased!"

"I'm a reporter, not a scholar. What did you expect?" Shandra said.

Pacifica throttled back. She reverted to the same patronizing manner of speech Shandra specialized in. "You're right, I shouldn't have expected so much from you. After all, _Gravity Falls Daily_ won't even hire you - you're only a freelance reporter.."

As an unofficial reporter, Shandra had trained herself to keep her cool on hot-button issues. Unfortunately, there was one word that drove her berserk. _Freelance._ She turned on her heel and jabbed Pacifica with a sharp red fingernail. "The work I do is just as legitimate as those hacks! I _will_ walk out of here with a story. Even if I have to drag your family under the dirt to get it."

Shandra stalked off, her auburn hair swishing back and forth. Pacifica sighed. She'd known from the start Shandra wouldn't treat her kindly. In perspective, that interview could have gone a whole lot worse. That didn't make Pacifica feel any better.

A bell rang from the dining room. Dinner at last. Pacifica went out of the lounge and into the dining room, shutting the door behind her. The guests were all seated around the table. A sullen-looking Shandra stood in a corner. Dipper and Mabel sat side by side, and even though the table was round, they still somehow managed to be the center of attention. Pacifica slid into her seat between Gideon and her dad.

All of the lights had been turned off, save for the electric candles. They gave the dining room table a faint glow and shrouded the rest of the room in shadows. Three light blue candles ( _real_ ones to Pacifica's surprise) stood in a triangular formation at the center of the table. Within the candles formation was a small bowl of tomato soup.

The guests murmured amongst themselves, mainly wondering why their plates were empty. Dipper and Mabel surveyed the guests. They didn't speak a word, but their furtive glances at one another hinted at an unspoken dialogue. Dipper picked up his fork and clinked it delicately against his glass.

Everyone fell silent and looked to the Telepathy Twins. Mabel did the talking. "Before we begin the meal, my brother and I would like to perform a demonstration."

Pacifica knew this part of the night. Her parents had told her Dipper and Mabel would be performing a condensed version of their show. Something about more emphasis on intimate effects - she'd been reeling over the news to remember the details. She'd already seen one of their shows at the Tent of Telepathy; surprising her after that spectacle was near impossible.

"Does everyone at this table believe in ghosts?"

But not completely impossible.

Robbie whispered, "Should we tell them about Fred?" Gideon shushed him.

"I ask because if any of you don't, you'll need to step away from the table," Mabel said.

Reverend McGucket silently got up and moved to a corner of the dining room. Shandra slipped eagerly into the vacant seat. Had Pacifica not been there, Gideon would have gotten up too. Nonetheless, he stayed on the edge of his seat, ready to make an exit.

Once everyone had settled back down, Mabel continued. "Thank you. You're all very lucky. Tonight you have the rare privilege of participating in a séance conducted by us."

The guests gasped. With one sentence, everything Pacifica had prepared for became useless. And that made her very worried.

"We don't do this often," Dipper added. "But tonight we will communicate with a genuine spirit. And don't worry: Mabel and I will guide you through the entire process. For the spirits to flow into the space though, we need to be connected. Everyone join hands."

They did so. A spark of jealousy came over Mabel when she saw Gideon take Pacifica's hand, but she quickly batted it out. He would soon be hers anyways.

The guests held hands, now connected in a large circle. Pacifica felt... _something_ in the might have been merely the power of suggestion. A shudder passed through Dipper and Mabel. "The spirits are active tonight," Mabel said.

"Now," Dipper said. "We need a singular spirit to summon. Someone who was close to the one of you."

Pacifica's left hand started trembling. She looked over at Gideon, his face white as hair, and saw his entire arm was shaking. Pacifica herself was on edge too. She didn't like how vague the twins were being. Suddenly she realized why Gideon was afraid. Someone close... _they wouldn't_.

Mabel tilted her head, a playful smile on her face. To her, this was simply another game. And she _loved_ games. "Shy to speak? We'll find someone then."

Her eyes moved about the table, landing on each individual guest. She held hypnotic eye contact as if picking through each guest's brain the same way a child looked through a toy box. Some guests like Soos squirmed a little bit under her stare. Others like Shandra stared defiantly back without flinching. McGucket, despite not sitting at the table, deliberately looked away.

Then she focused on Gideon. By now, Gideon was shakier than a leaf. If this was a game, Mabel had just drawn an ace. "How about we summon... your mother?"

What little color Gideon had left drained from his face. "How _dare_ you."

"Why not?" Dipper interjected. "A close relative who passed away is a perfect candidate for-"

"Don't talk about my mom like she's something you pick out of a catalog!" Gideon said.

"Gideon, we'd never dream of talking about your mother that way," Mabel said, making her voice as soothing as possible. "But haven't you ever wondered what your mother wants to say to you? How she's doing? If she's happy wherever she is? Surely there must be at least one thing want to ask her."

Pacifica gawked at the twins' audacity. She felt Gideon's fingernails dig into her hand. She looked over and saw his mouth hanging open speechless. He choked out, "I..."

A fervor took over Mabel. She craved a connection to the supernatural, and combined with her need to impress Gideon, she didn't care if the other guests were uncomfortable. Mabel drew forward, her blue eyes piercing into Gideon's. "I can do it. I can bring your mother back if that's what you wish."

"You have no idea what I want!" Gideon snapped.

Mabel didn't understand. If she were Gideon's position, she'd have a thousand questions prepared for the séance. "If you're scared, don't be. I'm very experienced-"

"You think this is some kind of challenge!?" Gideon wrenched his hands out of the circle, breaking it. "I don't care about your experience! You can't bring my mom back!"

"Well, we have to pick someone to summon for the séance to work," Dipper said.

"Then pick someone else!"

Gideon stood up. The first time since the confrontation in the Tent of Telepathy, the cracks in Mabel's stage persona began to show. Losing a soulmate would do that to her. "Wait, you can't leave!"

He kicked his chair back. "Watch me!"

Gideon stormed out of the dining room leaving everyone in stunned silence. Mabel looked like she'd been slapped across the face. The only person halfway composed was Dipper, and even he couldn't conceal his surprise. Pacifica couldn't take her eyes away from Gideon's empty seat. The _nerve_ of the twins to... she needed to check on Gideon.

Attempting to bring the attention back to the himself and Mabel, Dipper said, "Well then. We'll have to find another spirit for the séance."

Pacifica let go of her dad's hand. "Screw the séance." She got to the door and stopped. After an entire evening of the twin's antics, she couldn't resist getting in one last word. "I hope you're happy," Pacifica said to them.

She didn't stick around for the twins' response.

* * *

Gideon half-walked, half-ran through the Lumberjug. The warm bearskin rugs and cushy armchairs now felt suffocating. The sturdy logs seemed ready to topple and bury him alive. He couldn't breath, he couldn't think, and the only thing in his head was a primal urge to get as far away from that room as possible. Getting outside was the release that got him breathing again.

Gideon inhaled and exhaled slowly as he stepped away from the Lumberjug and into the empty lot. He sat down on the grass and began counting the stars. He whispered _one, two, three_... and so on until he recognized a constellation. Then he started over. He forced his eyes to concentrate on the night sky. To think of only which number came next.

He heard Pacifica's voice behind him. "Hey."

He looked away from the sky and back to Pacifica. She shifted awkwardly from foot to foot, wanting to approach but waiting for an okay from Gideon.

"Hey, Paz."

Her words came rushing out like a flood. "I am so sorry about Dipper and Mabel. I should have stopped them- no, I shouldn't have let my parents invite them. I can't believe- scratch that, I _can_ believe they would be so insensitive. If only I'd... I'm sorry. God, I am so, _so_ sorry."

"It's okay. I mean, I don't feel okay, but what happened wasn't your fault," Gideon said. "Dipper and Mabel can go suck a lemon."

"I'll buy the lemons," Pacifica offered.

She plopped down next to him. Gideon quietly focused back on the stars. Pacifica gripped handfuls of grass, twisting the blades then letting go. A few times she opened her mouth, but what she really wanted to say got stuck on the edge of her lips. She was scared of pushing Gideon back into that dark place Mabel had wrenched him into.

Finally, in a delicate whisper she said, "It's been ten years, hasn't it?"

"Almost."

Ten years since his mom had passed away. Three thousand six hundred and fifty-three days. When Gideon broke it down, the number didn't seem like a very big one. Not compared to three million. When he thought of all the other decades he had left in his life, ten years felt like an even smaller number.

"Does it still feel weird? Talking about her?" Pacifica said.

Gideon had never been able to clearly explain how it felt. Before he even knew how to talk, the absence of his mom hung over his family. He didn't always feel sad; most of the time he felt confused or frustrated. Whenever he saw Bud gaze too long at his wedding ring or when he met Pacifica's parents, he knew _something_ was missing. It was a blank space; the only problem was Gideon had nothing to fill it in with.

When Gideon turned five, Bud took him for ice cream and told him about the car crash. Between spoonfuls of strawberry pecan (with the nuts picked out), Gideon listened to Bud talk about someone who was essentially a stranger to him. Still, this stranger loved him, and even at five, Gideon realized that must mean something important. After the talk, Bud cried because of grief. Gideon cried because Bud cried.

That was how it worked, right? Crying lead to closure. And yet...

"It never stopped feeling weird."

Gideon leaned against Pacifica's shoulder, hit by the weight of their conversation. He'd never talked this seriously about his mom with Pacifica. Or anyone besides his dad. Even then, they hadn't talked about his mom like this in three years.

Their heart-to-heart was short-lived. Gideon and Pacifica heard a rumble from behind that sounded like a stampede. They stood up and saw the lights flickering in the Lumberjug. After blinking on and off several times, the Lumberjug went dark.

"That's strange. Did Mom and Dad forget to pay the power bill again?" Pacifica wondered out loud.

They heard a crash of something heavy followed by a high-pitched scream. The lights came back on. A few seconds later, Dipper Pines ran out. He looked around frantically, his fists clenched and his forehead sweaty. Almost like he was showing... _real_ emotion?

If Dipper wanted sympathy, he shouldn't have come outside. Pacifica said irritability, "What do you want?"

Instead of throwing a biting remark to them, Dipper stumbled forward, his feet not quite knowing where to touch the ground. "Did you see her?"

"Who?" Pacifica said.

The question set something off in Dipper. He roughly gripped Pacifica by the shoulders and yelled, "MABEL! Did you see her!?"

"We haven't seen anyone!" Gideon said, pulling Pacifica out of Dipper's grasp.

Dipper backed away upon realizing Gideon and Pacifica couldn't help him. He began pacing across the lot, running his fingers through his hair. His meticulously slicked back hairdo became bushy and disheveled. "Oh, this is bad," he murmured to himself. "This is bad, this bad, this is bad..."

"What's going on?" Gideon said.

Dipper's pacing came to a halt. He stared glassy-eyed into the wide expanse of trees. A bolt of lightning flashed against the sky, followed by the low rumble of thunder. The first drops of rain began to fall.

"Mabel's vanished."

* * *

 **GSV NBHGVIB YVTRMH, GSV XOFVH ZIV HVG, GIFHG ML LMV, ZMW KOZXV BLFI YVGH.**

* * *

 **A/N: This chapter was a _mother_ to write. So many characters to introduce. So many motives. But on the up side, the Telepathy Twins are back! I did have a lot of fun coming up with ways to reverse all the characters in this chapter. I didn't mean for it to be this long, but like I said there were so many characters I had to fit in.**

 **Once again, thanks for all the feedback! It really means a lot to me. I also keep forgetting to mention this, but if you need help with the cryptograms, shoot me a message. They're meant to be fun, and I don't mind dropping a few helpful hints. I'm working hard on the next chapter! Which is good because there's a lot left to write for it.**


	8. Ten Little Anomalies - Part II

The rain pounded against the Lumberjug. Only ten minutes had passed since Dipper ran outside, but it felt like hours. All the guests sat in the lounge, each picking a spot conspicuously apart from everyone else. Tension bubbled between the quick glances and wary silences. They all had questions, but they were all too afraid to voice them.

 _Where did Mabel go?_

 _Am I sitting in the room with the person who took her?_

 _What if I'm next?_

Gideon and Pacifica stood in front of everyone as the only people who hadn't witnessed Mabel's disappearance. "Okay," Gideon said. "Someone run me and Paz through what happened during the séance."

No one made a move to speak up. At first. Then after a few seconds of silence, the room erupted with noise.

"It wasn't me!"

"Mabel was sitting next to Dipper and then the lights went out!"

"I wasn't sitting near Mabel!"

"I was sitting near Mabel, but I didn't do it!"

Pacifica whistled. The shrill sound pierced through the shouts and cries, silencing the room once again. "Clearly a lot happened," she said with an overwhelmed sigh. Everyone's eyes were on her, waiting for direction. "Um... can you guys tell us one at a time?"

"We're wasting time," Dipper said, his bangs covering his birthmark. He had made an attempt to smooth his hair back down, but without hair gel, it was a hopeless cause. "We need to call the police!"

The word _police_ got Preston jumping up toward the door. "Now let's not get too hasty! There's no need to call the police just yet!"

"You don't get to decide that!" Dipper snapped back. He stood up, but Stan's firm hand grabbed his shoulder, sitting him back down.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with Mr. Plaid here," Stan said.

Dipper physically recoiled from his great uncle. "Are you serious!?"

"Look, I'm worried about Mabel too. Let's be honest, Dipper here isn't capable of a one-man show." Dipper scowled - whether out of regret or jealousy Pacifica couldn't tell. "But the police complicate things. Always do. So I say we look around, see if Mabel's not off catching butterflies somewhere, _then_ we call them."

"Not to mention the police will sanction off this entire area. I can get much better material without them around," Shandra said. Heads turned toward her, shock and disgust plain on their faces. "What? A good reporter's always doing her job. Especially during emotional crises."

Trying to bring the conversation back to the crime at hand, Gideon said, "Look, we're going to figure this out."

"Yeah, let the kids figure it out! They look like they got brains." Stan squinted at Gideon and Pacifica. "Well, maybe the short one does. Not so sure about Blondie."

"If that was a blonde joke, I'm ignoring it," Pacifica said tersely.

"How do we know _you_ weren't involved in Mabel's disappearance?" Shandra questioned Gideon and Pacifica.

"Oh dudes!" Soos said. "What if this is like one of those detective stories where the detective questions all the suspects but then the _detective_ turns out to be the culprit?"

Whispers rippled through the lounge speculating on Soos and Shandra's suggestions. Pacifica couldn't believe how fast everyone had considered it. Then again, Gideon and Pacifica both had reasonable motives.

But so did everyone else.

"Dipper ran outside to us right after the disappearance. There wouldn't have been enough time for us make Mabel disappear, store her away somewhere, run around to the front of the house, and then come in and talk to everyone," Pacifica explained as calmly as she could. It was the truth, but she couldn't stop her legs from shaking.

"Also, those detective stories are really overdone!" Gideon added.

That seemed to calm everyone down for the moment. However, only a few seconds later, the questions started back up again. "If we aren't going to call the police, what _are_ we going to do?" Reverend McGucket asked.

"Are we gonna have to give statements?" Wendy said, sliding to the edge of her seat. Robbie gave her a look, and she relaxed a little bit.

Gideon said, "We're going to..." but trailed off when seeing the expectant faces of the other guests. He pulled Pacifica to a corner of the lounge. "What the heck are we supposed to do!?"

"You read Betty Jupiter, not me! I'm making this up as I go along," Pacifica whispered.

What _would_ Betty Jupiter do? She'd probably find a secret passageway in the Lumberjug that would lead to an underground bunker containing a lost will or priceless heirloom. And somewhere along the way she'd confront the culprit and chase him down. Of course, Gideon didn't know who the culprit was, and he was pretty sure the Lumberjug had no underground bunkers. Maybe they should just start with the scene of the crime.

"We should take a look at the dining room. That _was_ where Mabel disappeared," Gideon said.

"Works for me." Gideon and Pacifica faced the guests again. "Can we see the, uh... crime scene?" Pacifica said. Referring to her dining room as a crime scene felt weird. Crime scenes were dark alleys and seedy motels. Not the place where she'd dumped a bowl of spaghetti on her head and chased her parents around the table.

When no one volunteered, Dipper stepped forward. "Fine. Let's get this over with."

The three kids walked solemnly into the dining room. Gideon flipped the light switch on, casting the dining room in unnatural brightness compared to the dim candlelight from earlier. The room looked exactly as the guests had left it. Chairs had been overturned, and the silverware was all over the place. The bowl of tomato soup had also tipped over. Gideon knew the bright red stain on the table was just the soup, but his mind still went to grislier scenarios.

"This is it," Dipper said as if giving a tour of the house instead of showing a crime scene. "This is where it... happened."

Gideon and Pacifica began investigating the dining room. Gideon examined every inch of the room. Pacifica went more quickly, knowing how to spot anything that looked off in her own house. She got to the chair Mabel sat in. It had been pushed back like Mabel had stood up before her disappearance.

She asked Dipper, "Would anyone have moved Mabel's chair?"

Dipper shrugged. He'd stayed near the door with his arms crossed. Something about that blank expression on his face put Pacifica off. Even his smallest movements were disjointed like he didn't have complete control over his body.

Gideon noticed too. He did feel some sympathy for Dipper, even with past circumstances in mind. Still, Dipper was so composed. If it were Pacifica, Gideon would be running around the Lumberjug yelling at anyone who'd listen. Gideon hesitantly approached Dipper and said, "You know, it's okay to be a little emotional."

"Being emotional isn't going to find Mabel," Dipper said coldly.

Gideon backed away. Dipper wasn't exactly the most expressive person in Gravity Falls, but his demeanor was unnerving. Without Mabel, Dipper seemed disconnected. One half that didn't know how to function without the other. Gideon couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

He looked over at Pacifica who was inspecting the soup stain. If she'd heard the exchange between Dipper and Gideon, she didn't show it.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Dipper said, "If you don't need me, I'm going back to the lounge." As Dipper's hand closed around the doorknob, Gideon motioned for Pacifica to say something. She mouthed a confused _What?_ and Gideon pointed to Dipper.

"Hey Dipper." She put a hand on his shoulder out of instinct. Her mom did the same thing whenever Pacifica was upset. "We'll find Mabel."

Dipper's already stiff frame tensed even more at human touch, causing Pacifica to draw her hand back. He looked back at her briefly but long enough for Pacifica to see the worry lines around his eyes. "You'd better."

Typical. The one time Pacifica tried to be nice, and Dipper brushed her off. As she watched Dipper go, she thought about what could possibly be going on in his head? She didn't expect him to fall at her feet with praises, but a simple _Thank you_ would have been nice. She shouldn't have expected so much from the boy who threw knives at her.

Pacifica shut the door behind her. "Okay, Detective Gideon," she said. "What do you think happened here?"

"Well, Detective Paz... I don't know. Who would want Mabel to disappear?" Gideon wondered.

Pacifica scoffed. "Who wouldn't?"

Gideon thought about it more. The Telepathy Twins had only been in town for a week. Was that even enough time for someone to develop a grudge against Mabel? Who would have a reason to hate her anyways? When the spotlight was on Mabel, she behaved perfectly. Gideon and Pacifica were the only townspeople who knew what she was really like when the lights switched off.

At least that's what Gideon had assumed. What if someone else in Gravity Falls had figured out the Telepathy Twins weren't all that they seemed? Pacifica knew the people of Gravity Falls better than he did. "Can you think of anyone here tonight who'd gain something from Mabel disappearing?"

"Shandra," Pacifica said almost instantly. "One time, she 'accidentally' knocked over a crate of circus termites during Pioneer Day. She wouldn't be above kidnapping if she could get a good story."

"Anyone else?"

Pacifica furrowed her brow. "I guess anyone who'd want bad business for the Lumberjug. So Lazy Susan, Reverend McGucket... Wendy doesn't actively want that but she'd get a kick out of the Lumberjug shutting down. And knowing Robbie, he'd go along with it even if he didn't agree with her."

"And Dipper doesn't like you either!" Gideon said.

"No kidding," Pacifica muttered. "I don't think we're narrowing our suspect list down."

"Darn it, you're right." Gideon looked around the dining room. "I'm not even sure where could someone have taken Mabel from here."

There were two doors in the dining room: one to the foyer and one to the kitchen. Coincidentally, the backdoor was in the kitchen. That seemed like the more likely exit given Pacifica and Gideon were out in the front. Gideon walked toward the door to the kitchen but stopped when he heard a strange noise coming from under the table.

"Paz, do you hear that?" he said. Pacifica listened. It was a _scratch, scratch_ sound, barely audible but definitely in the room.

Gideon and Pacifica quietly crouched down in front of the table. They looked back and forth at each other to the mysterious scratching noise. Gideon nodded to Pacifica.

She threw the tablecloth back revealing... a squirrel. A fluffy, harmless squirrel.

"...Is this supposed to be a clue?" Gideon said.

The squirrel scurried to a corner of the dining room. "I'll get a broom," Pacifica said.

Had Dipper and Mabel summoned a squirrel instead of ghost? The idea made Gideon chuckle- although remembering Mabel was missing quickly made him stop. Broom in hand, Pacifica came in and said, "There were two more squirrels in the kitchen. How weird is that?"

Weird indeed. Gideon said, "I think we should start interrogating the witnesses."

"You mean the guests?"

"It sounds cooler if we call them witnesses!" Gideon insisted. "Maybe we can figure out what happened during the séance if we hear what happened."

"Got it," Pacifica said. "Mabel's gotta be somewhere in Gravity Falls."

The question was _where_. Soos had been right about one thing: this was shaping up to be a good old-fashioned detective story. There was one missing person. Ten suspects. Two detectives. The only problem was the detectives had no idea what they were doing.

* * *

Gideon and Pacifica herded everyone out into the foyer then fashioned a makeshift interrogation room out of the lounge. Strangely enough, they encountered another squirrel while moving the furniture around. This one was nestled against the window. After shooing the squirrel outside, Gideon and Pacifica brought in their first suspect.

Dipper sat in front of a coffee table with a lamp shining directly in his eyes. The lamp was Gideon's idea. Gideon stood beside Pacifica with a notebook. Pacifica sat directly across from Dipper, a steely-eyed look of determination on her face. "Okay, Dipper, if that even is your real name-"

"It's not," he said.

Gideon jotted _Secret identity?_ under Dipper's suspect page.

"What were you doing at the time of the disappearance?" Pacifica said.

And so the interrogations began. Gideon and Pacifica had a prepared set of questions for each suspect. Going through the questions, a haphazard narrative began to form.

Dipper stated, "After Gideon's... outburst, Mabel and I settled on summoning the lumberjack that got struck by lightning..."

"...Of course I told them about the lumberjack!" Preston said after Pacifica chewed him out. "What's a séance without a spirit? Our reputation would be ruined if this dinner party was bad. Or worse: _dull_. After that..."

"...We all held hands again," Priscilla said, twirling a stray lock of hair. "Of course, you two weren't there, so our circle was a bit awkward. Do you kids want snacks? I can make you snacks!"

Several minutes later, Gideon and Pacifica continued the interrogation, now munching on peanut brittle. They brought Robbie in. "When the lights started flickering, I thought it was all part of the act. Oh, and I was holding hands with Wendy. Did I mention that?"

"I was holding hands with Robbie. I mentioned that, right?" Wendy said. Gideon wrote down _Important?_ "So yeah. Mabel looked nervous. Like she's _never_ looked that nervous, especially when she's performing. And Lazy Susan had come in from the bar..."

"...I was curious. Not like we were bustling with customers," Lazy Susan said. "I didn't see anything anyways. The kids' grandfather looked shady though..."

"...All I'm saying is, if I were gonna make someone disappear, I wouldn't do it like this!" Stan said. "Too many witnesses. Sure, I could kidnap Mabel for ransom, but I'm already making money off her! It's probably all part of her and Dipper's act..."

"...This was _not_ planned," Dipper said. "When the lights went out, I felt Mabel's hand get wrenched out of mine. She screamed, and then..."

"...Mabel screamed. I think Dipper screamed too," Robbie said. "It was hard to tell which person was who since they were both really hitch-pitched. There was this vibrating on the floor, like an earthquake or something..."

"...There _was_ a strange vibration," McGucket mused. "Now I don't condone forays into the supernatural, so I was off to the side. I watched the Pines twins conduct the séance..."

"...And McGucket was like weirdly focused on the séance," Wendy said. "You'd think he saw a ghost! I wish we'd seen a ghost..."

"...The lights weren't even out very long," Lazy Susan said. "I don't know what it is about darkness that gets everyone so spooked. It couldn't have been more than thirty seconds..."

"...The lights were out for at least five minutes!" Shandra said. "If I could have had my camera with me, I might have been able to catch the disappearance. Luckily, I've written everything down for my story-"

"Question," Gideon interrupted. "Do you like squirrels?"

"They're rats with bushy tails," Shandra replied. "Can we get back to my story? I was thinking about how the power outage would add some spice to my article..."

"...You can't prove anything!" Soos slammed his fist on the table with a wild look in his eyes. "I'm innocent! Innocent!"

Gideon and Pacifica exchanged baffled looks. "Soos, we don't think you did anything," Gideon said.

Soos laughed. "Sorry, I've always wanted to do that! I guess I'm supposed to give a statement now? Okay, the lights came back on and at first everything was normal..."

"...I saw Mabel was gone," McGucket said. "You know Preston didn't seem particularly surprised..."

"...I thought it was all part of the act!" Preston said. "They do magic tricks! Disappearing is a magic trick..."

"...First of all, they're not tricks, they're _illusions_ ," Dipper said. "Anyone who tells you otherwise is an amateur. And Mabel disappearing was _not_ an illusion..."

"...Then her twin brother ran out," Priscilla said. "He looked very upset..."

"...I didn't know Dipper could show real emotion until now," Wendy said. "Of course, he could be faking it..."

"...Dipper doesn't have the chops to pull off acting that well!" Stan said. "No offense to the boy, but Mabel's the one naturally inclined to show business. The twin thing just helps sell tickets. Say, do you kids wanna buy..."

"...This is just like a crime novel I'm writing," Shandra said. "Only in my novel the main character's a young underappreciated reporter..."

"...So if you guys can't find out who did it are we gonna call the police?" Robbie said. "Cause I don't know if my parents are comfortable with me being questioned without a lawyer..."

"...I could really go for a churro right now," Soos said. "Is it cool if I..."

"...And that's why I don't trust mayonnaise!" Priscilla said. When Gideon and Pacifica didn't respond, she said. "So how's the investigation going?"

They looked at each other and groaned.

* * *

Leaving the guests to their own devices, Gideon and Pacifica convened in the bar for some privacy. "So who do you think did it?" Pacifica asked.

"I think..." Gideon said. Pacifica waited expectantly for an answer and a neat explanation that would solve everything. Gideon buckled. "I don't know! I thought if we talked to everyone, we'd just _know_ who did it!"

"I thought so too, but no one's stories matched up." Pacifica took a swig of grape juice from a whiskey glass. "Oh my god, what if they _all_ did it?"

Gideon didn't think so, but as far as he knew, Pacifica's theory could be right. "Maybe we should just call the police. How are we supposed to find Mabel? We don't have... you hear that?"

They both heard the sound of paws scratching against wood. Pacifica leaned over the counter and saw yet another squirrel grabbing cashews from a jar.

"Again with the squirrels!" Pacifica said. "Maybe we should call an exterminator."

"Hold on..." Gideon hopped up and went back into the dining room. They'd found a squirrel under the table right around where Mabel and Dipper sat. Gideon grabbed an empty soup can and placed it in the same area.

Where else had they seen squirrels? Gideon scooped up more soup cans, and began going through the entire Lumberjug. Anywhere they'd seen a squirrel, Gideon put down a soup can. The fireplace, the counter in the bar, the big window in the lounge... Gideon placed soup can after soup can, his brow furrowed in concentration.

Pacifica trailed behind him. "Uh, Gideon? You gonna fill me in on your soup parade?"

"Look," Gideon said.

Pacifica retraced the soup cans. Funny how they lined up - if she took a sharpie to the floor, it would be like connecting the dots. Wait a minute. "These soup cans form a path!"

"Exactly! And the one last place we saw a squirrel was..." Gideon dramatically threw open the kitchen door and set down the last soup can. "The back door!"

"Eureka!" Pacifica fist-pumped the air. "Now what does it mean?"

That was where Gideon was stumped. The excessive squirrel sightings were definitely an anomaly, but why would an army of squirrels take Mabel? Was that even plausible? Gideon checked the journal: no mention of supernatural squirrels. With no other leads, he pushed open the back door. His eyes widened.

"I think we need to follow the squirrels," Gideon said.

"Follow the huh?" Pacifica looked out the back door. " _Oh_."

More squirrels were scattered outside the Lumberjug, forming a jagged line into the woods. The squirrels idly cavorted with each other. There was nothing outright threatening about them, and Gideon wasn't sure they even had the brainpower to kidnap Mabel. But it was the only real lead they had. The woods sat the edge of the Northwests lot for anyone who dared enter.

"Looks like we're going back out in the woods," Gideon said. Why couldn't they go somewhere nice and well-lit for once, like a pool or convenience store?

"Wait." Pacifica ran out of the kitchen. A few minutes later, she came back with the banjo from Shop Thrift. "Just in case."

"In case what!? Mabel's been kidnapped by hillbillies?" Gideon said skeptically.

"Say what you will, but I've got a good feeling about this banjo." Pacifica slung the banjo across her back. "Now let's go follow some squirrels."

* * *

Into the woods they went. The storm had passed, and the woods smelled fresh of rainfall. Gideon and Pacifica's shoes squelched against the muddy grass. They stayed close to each other; even the tiniest gust of wind kept them on edge. The squirrels served as Gideon and Pacifica's trail of breadcrumbs. Hopefully a witch's house didn't await them at the end.

Gideon forgot that when weren't out to kill him, they could be… _pleasant_. Wherever these squirrels were leading them, they were surrounded by whimsical toadstools and wildflowers. If the squirrels burst into song, he wouldn't be surprised.

Adding to the charm, the trees began to arch around Gideon and Pacifica. They formed a strange otherworldly tunnel. Even if the squirrel path had petered out, they had no choice to but to go this way.

They had to be close to _something_. Whether it was something good or bad, Gideon didn't know. Any minute now- he stopped in his tracks. "Do you hear someone?"

Pacifica heard _two_ someones. They were speaking in heated tones with no concern about volume. Unless Gravity Falls had secret talking squirrels, the voices ruled out any less humanoid creatures could be involved in Mabel's disappearance. Gideon and Pacifica inched closer.

"-we made a deal!"

"No dice! Not until we have our queen!"

That first voice sounded familiar. Gideon looked to Pacifica to see if she had the same thought. Locking eyes with him, Pacifica confirmed it: that squeaky puberty voice had to be Dipper's. The second voice was still a mystery. It sounded male and possibly older than Dipper.

But why was Dipper out in the woods? Was he looking for Mabel on his own... or was he involved in her disappearance?

They'd have to get closer to find out. Gideon walked forward, but Pacifica caught him by his vest. She put a finger to her lips and pointed to the side of the trees. Gideon wanted to kick himself; no smart detective would approach a suspicious area directly. They tiptoed into the trees, letting the branches hit them. Too much movement in the trees and whoever was talking might hear them.

After a small trek uphill, the trees started to open up. Gideon and Pacifica crouched behind some toadstools. They peered down into a clearing. Two figures stood there. The first voice did indeed belong to Dipper. "I promised you a queen, didn't I?" he said to a small man standing on top of a tree stump.

"Am I crazy or is Dipper talking to a decorative lawn gnome?" Pacifica whispered.

He _did_ look like a lawn decoration- this was Gravity Falls. He probably _was_ a gnome. Gideon consulted the journal. A few page turns later, he found it. "That _is_ a gnome! We must be in Gnome Man's Land!"

"Keep your voice down! This is no time for puns!" Pacifica said.

Suddenly, Dipper turned to their direction. Gideon and Pacifica ducked down. "Did you hear something?"

"If I did, it sure as heck wasn't wedding vows!" the little gnome said emphatically. His face was as red as his hat. Instead of angry though, he looked adorable.

A few seconds passed, and Dipper relaxed. He continued. "Jeff, I told you this is a delicate situation. If I don't handle this with extreme precision, then your queen won't come. And you don't want that any more than I do."

"Of course not!" the gnome called Jeff said. Odd name for a gnome, Pacifica thought. "But when you said you had a replacement for your sister, I didn't think it would take this long!"

Gideon and Pacifica held back gasps. Pacifica had a horrible feeling about who that, "replacement" was supposed to be.

"I just want to make sure Mabel's all right," Dipper said.

"You get your sister back when we get our queen!" Jeff said, stamping his tiny foot.

Safe behind the toadstool, Pacifica murmured, "So the _gnomes_ took Mabel."

"But why would they..." Gideon looked through the journal. "Of course! 'The gnomes, a mysterious yet annoying group of creatures, operate with a queen.' Dipper must have found out Mabel was taken by gnomes, and now he's trying to make a trade!"

"Gideon, we need to get out of here," Pacifica said.

Eyes glued to the journal, Gideon said, "Hold on, let me see if there's anything in here about gnome weaknesses-"

"No, we need to go _now_."

"Just a second-"

"Gideon, if Dipper's trying to find a replacement queen, who do you think he's gonna pick!?" Pacifica said.

 _Twang!_

Gideon and Pacifica froze in terror. A squirrel had climbed onto the banjo and its paws were caught in the strings. There was a moment of serenity between the sound of the banjo and Dipper registering where it came from. It was long enough for Gideon and Pacifica to realize how much they were done for. The squirrel fared the best of everyone in the situation.

"Maybe Dipper will assume the gnomes like bluegrass," Pacifica whispered.

Dipper did not. He looked to the hill, and seeing Pacifica, he said, "Jeff, I'd like you to meet your new queen."

"All right, boys!" Jeff clapped his hands. "Let the marriage ceremony commence!"

Hundreds of gnomes emerged from the trees and surrounded Gideon and Pacifica. What they lacked in size they made up for in sheer numbers. Pacifica grabbed the banjo like a baseball bat. If Dipper thought she was doing down without a fight, he was gravely mistaken.

Fortunately for Dipper, he had an entire army of gnomes on his side.

"Subdue them."

The gnomes charged forward. Despite being small and adorable, the gnomes clawed viciously at Gideon and Pacifica. Pacifica batted as many gnomes away as possible until two gnomes grabbed the banjo and threw it against a tree. It broke at the neck.

"No!" Pacifica cried. They kept fighting, but the gnomes kept coming in waves. Little by little, the gnomes overpowered Gideon and Pacifica, tiny hands wrapping around their arms and legs. Soon enough, the gnomes had them completely immobilized. They brought them down to the clearing.

Dipper approached the restrained Gideon and Pacifica, clapping sarcastically. "Splendid detective work. You're a couple of Betty Jupiters."

"You read Betty Jupiter?" Gideon said out of genuine curiosity.

"No!" Dipper said defensively.

Struggling against the gnomes' grasp, Pacifica said, "So you were behind this entire thing!?"

"I was wondering when you'd figure it out," Dipper said. "You two _were_ taking a lot more time than I thought you would. I almost had the gnomes go back and fetch you."

"Why didn't you?" Pacifica asked.

"You looked like you were having so much fun. I didn't want to spoil the mystery," Dipper said. Pacifica would do anything to wipe that smug grin off Dipper's face. He probably saw all this as some sick, twisted magic trick.

"Wait," Gideon said. "How did you figure out the gnomes had taken Mabel?"

"A few days ago, Mabel ran into some gnomes near our tent. And I know what you're doing." Dipper tilted Gideon's chin up so they were eye-to-eye. "You think knowing how I pulled this ruse off will somehow get you out of your current predicament. I can assure you it won't."

"Let go of him," Pacifica growled.

The contained fury in her voice drew Dipper's attention away from Gideon. He went over to Pacifica. "Don't look so angry. After all, it is your wedding day." She spat at him. Dipper scowled and wiped the spit off his shirt. "I pity the fool who ends up marrying you."

"Wait, if Mabel really was taken by the gnomes, where is she now?" Gideon said.

"Right here, snowflake."

The gnomes parted, and a very calm, very alive Mabel Pines sauntered into the clearing. Gideon gasped. "You were _both_ in on this! And the dinner party must have been the perfect opportunity to get me and Pacifica captured by gnomes!"

"Just Pacifica, actually," Mabel corrected. Pacifica let out a noise of disgust. Mabel smiled sweetly at her. "We had the entire show planned out: we'd hold the séance, the lights would go out, and in the madness, the gnomes would swoop in and grab her. Unfortunately, _you_ went outside. Then Pacifica missed her cue."

"Well, I am _so_ sorry I ruined your show," Pacifica said sarcastically. "Next time I'll make sure the gnomes kidnap me on schedule!"

"It doesn't matter now. You two walked right back into our plan," Dipper said. "Which is a miracle given how much you threw the plan off."

"The biggest miracle was Dipper's acting," Mabel said snidely. Dipper didn't comment. But something about the way he planted himself between Mabel and gnomes suggested it wasn't entirely "acting" he'd been doing.

Pacifica couldn't believe the two of them. It was bad enough that they'd been playing her right from the start. Worse: they'd been playing her _family_. That was something she could not forgive. "Your plan worked. Big whoop. I'm not marrying the gnomes!"

"Hey, being married to all one thousand of us isn't so bad!" one of the gnomes holding Pacifica said.

"Yeah!" Jeff said. "I mean, us gnomes have our weird habits like using squirrels to bathe, but we can work around that!"

Pacifica grimaced. "You _bathe_ with squirrels? First of all, ew." Gross as it sounded though, Jeff's comment cleared up the final piece of the mystery. "That was why there were so many squirrels around my house!"

"Or you simply have a vermin problem," Mabel said. She laughed. "What am I saying? _Your_ familylives there. You already have a vermin problem!"

"How about you say that when I'm not being held down by gnomes?" Pacifica said. She tried to break free again, but the gnomes' grip held firm.

Mabel ignored Pacifica's challenge, instead staring dreamily into the forest. "That reminds me..." She turned to the gnomes. "I believe you have something of mine." One of the gnomes scampered forward with Mabel's headband. She put the headband on with the ease of sliding into a comfy pair of shoes. The gem on her headband glowed, and with it, her eyes got the tiniest bit bluer. "I feel brand new."

Observing the brilliance of his plan one final time, Dipper said, "Well, I think we're done here."

"You're just gonna leave us here!?" Gideon said.

Mabel smiled fondly at him. "Oh Gideon, I'd be happy to ask the gnomes to let _you_ go." She grabbed him by his vest so that they were only centimeters apart. "If you agree to be mine."

"No way!"

She dropped the smile and let go of him. "Then enjoy the wedding."

Dipper brushed nonexistent dirt off his shirt and pushed his hair back. "Now if you'll excuse us, we need to get back to the Lumberjug so Mabel can make her, 'miraculous' return. We might even get some people to cry."

"They'd better cry," Mabel said. She joined Dipper and smirked at Pacifica. "I'll send a wedding present in the mail."

The Telepathy Twins slipped away leaving Gideon and Pacifica with the gnomes and a major case of cold feet. Ignorant to their fear, Jeff said. "All right! Now that we're done with that mix-up, let's get this show on the road!"

"I am not getting married!" Pacifica said.

"You don't get a say in this, human!" Jeff said as a gnome brought out some wedding rings. "We need a queen and you fit-"

"Wait," Gideon said. "What if _I_ became your queen?"

"Gideon, what are you doing?" Pacifica whispered.

"Trying to buy you some time," Gideon whispered back. "You're a faster runner than me. You might be able to get help and come back before they finish the wedding ceremony."

"That's a terrible idea!"

Jeff however was intrigued by Gideon's proposal. "You do have beautiful white hair."

"And his skin is soft!" one of the gnomes holding Gideon added much to his discomfort.

The gnomes let go of Pacifica and corralled Gideon up to Jeff. Pacifica rushed toward Gideon, but several of the gnomes hissed at her, baring razor sharp teeth. She backed away helplessly to the fringes of the clearing. She was free, but what good was it? She couldn't just leave Gideon to the mercy of a thousand gnomes.

With the gnomes holding Gideon in place, Jeff began, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to bring two souls together in holy matrignomy- matrimony. We like puns! You'll have to get used to that!"

Gideon yelled back to Pacifica. "I told you, get help! I'll be fine!"

"No one can help us! I'm not leaving you behind!" Pacifica said.

Jeff continued, "If anyone objects to this union-"

"I object!" Pacifica interrupted. "I object so now the marriage is off-"

"Anyone _other than humans_ ," Jeff said.

"What!?" Pacifica said. "You made that up!"

Jeff ignored her. "Do we take this lovely white-haired human to be our lawfully wedded queen?" The gnomes nodded in agreement and cheered. "All right, general consensus is we do so great!"

"You have to listen to me!" Pacifica yelled.

"And do you- what's your name again?" Jeff asked Gideon.

"Uh..." Gideon spotted a tree. "Leaf."

"Do you, Leaf, take all one thousand of us to be your lawfully wedded gnome husbands?" Before Gideon could answer, Jeff said, "I don't hear a no so we're gonna take that as a yes! One last time, are there any objections to this union?"

"Yes! I have objections! I have many objections!" Pacifica shouted. It was no good. The gnomes intentionally weren't listening to her. She'd either have to fight them all off or find something impossible to ignore to get their attention.

Then it hit her: she had the pig whistle from Shop Thrifty in her pocket.

"Then I now pronounce you gnome and-"

Pacifica pulled out the whistle and blew. Pandemonium erupted amongst the gnomes as the high-pitched whistle tore through the woods. The gnomes collapsed to the ground and put their hands over their ears. Anyone passing by would have thought (amongst other things like "Gnomes exist!?") that the world was ending.

"What is that ungodly sound!?" one gnome cried.

"The end is upon us!" another one said. He doubled over and vomited a rainbow.

Gideon watched all the chaos unfold with flabbergasted astonishment. "What do you know? It works on gnomes too," he said to himself.

Pacifica blew the whistle once more sending all the gnomes cowering at her feet. She climbed on top of the tree stump. "Listen up, gnomes! There will be no marriage today! Or ever!"

"Whatever you say! We'll do your bidding! Just please don't make that noise again!" Jeff pleaded. He started bowing at Pacifica's feet and the others followed suit. "How can we serve you Your Majesty, the most terrifying queen we've ever seen?"

"For starters, you can get rid of that dumb queen tradition!" Pacifica said. "Don't you guys know what year it is? We don't use a monarchy anymore. Can't you guys nominate like a president or something?"

"You mean pick someone based on a general consensus that they're competent to govern a society?" one gnome said.

"Pretty much, yeah," Pacifica replied.

The gnomes murmured amongst themselves about this revolutionary new idea. Gideon took the opportunity to stand on the stump with Pacifica. Jeff spoke up, "What if we don't like the president we pick?"

"Then you elect a new president!" Gideon said.

"An interesting idea." Jeff stroked his beard. "That sounds like a lot of work though... are you sure you don't wanna be our queen?" Pacifica threatened to blow the whistle again. "Okay! Okay! We can take a hint!"

Pacifica, still brandishing the whistle, stepped down off the stump. "Now we're gonna go, you're _not_ gonna follow us, and you _will_ stop this entire queen business."

"Yes, Your Majesty- I mean yes sir!" Jeff saluted Gideon and Pacifica, having learned a valuable life lesson about forced marriages and democracy. "All right, gnomes, I nominate myself for president!"

"I nominate this squirrel!" The gnome held his candidate up.

"Schmebulock!" the gnome known as Schmebulock said.

"That's terrible reasoning to nominate that candidate!" another gnome argued.

As the gnomes reshaped their entire society, Gideon and Pacifica took off before they changed their mind. Pacifica breathed a sigh of relief when the edge of the woods came into view. The first rays of daylight were appearing over the horizon. She hadn't realized this ordeal had lasted the entire night. Once she got back home, she was sleeping the rest of the day.

"You think everyone's still at the party?" Gideon said.

"If Dipper and Mabel are milking up the attention, I'd bet yes," Pacifica said bitterly. The Telepathy Twins probably thought they were in the clear. As they emerged from the woods, an idea formed in Pacifica's mind. "Say, how do you feel about making a dramatic entrance?"

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Back at the Lumberjug, the guests flocked around Mabel with Dipper right by her side. Mabel played the part perfectly. She even added a few tears (not enough for her makeup to run, of course). "I'm just so thankful Dipper found me," Mabel sniffled. "I don't know how I would have found my way out of the forest."

"We couldn't have known the spirits would be so wrathful," Dipper said. Stan had taught him that less was always more when giving an explanation. As long as he gave them a hint, the guests would fill in the gaps as to how Mabel was spirited away. That meant less explaining for him and less people poking holes in his story. Besides, the only two people who would bother were taken care of.

That left a throng of sympathetic people cooing over Mabel's "bravery."

Except one person. Robbie pointed out, "That's great you found your sister, but Gideon and Pacifica are still out in the woods."

Mabel put a hand to her chest, even throwing in a small gasp. "Oh dear, I hope they're alright."

Dipper eyed Robbie with uncertainty. Did he know their was something off? He couldn't. Still, something about the suspicion in Robbie's voice twisted Dipper's stomach. "I'm sure they're fine," Dipper lied. "Just lost."

"We weren't lost."

Heads turned toward the front door. For the first time in a very long time, Mabel had been upstaged. Even worse, she'd been upstaged by a talentless bleach blonde valley girl who should have been married off to a thousand gnomes by now.

But against all odds here she was. Standing in the doorway against the sunrise were Pacifica, Gideon, and a distinctive lack of gnomes. They were covered in dirt and twigs, but aside from a few cuts and scratches, they were fine. Too fine. Pacifica smirked straight at Dipper and held up a whistle.

"Amazing what you find in the woods, isn't it Dipdop?" she said. Dipper paled.

"Pacifica Elise Northwest," Preston said sternly. "Do you realize what time it is? The party has ended!"

It was over. Dipper could see it now. He could grab Mabel and make quick exit. If they got back to the Tent of Telepathy now, they could get out of Gravity Falls before the town turned on them. Clearly relishing the attention of the guests, Pacifica said. "We wanted to get back to the party, Dad. The thing is, while we were looking for Mabel, we found something pretty interesting in the forest-"

Before she could finish, Mabel grabbed her by the wrist and smothered her in a hug. "Thank goodness you're safe!"

Mabel held Pacifica close long enough for Dipper to notice she whispered something in Pacifica's ear. Whatever it was, Pacifica turned white as a sheet. When Mabel pulled away, Pacifica stuffed the whistle in her pocket. She didn't say a word.

"It's been a long night," Dipper said. "My sister needs to rest so we can perform tomorrow."

The Pines exchanged goodbyes with the hosts (who urged them to come back for another visit), with Pacifica and Gideon hanging back. Soon enough, they were in the car speeding away from the Lumberjug. To Dipper's disappointment, Wendy had decided to get a ride back with Robbie. He sat in the backseat with Mabel. He looked back to the shrinking Lumberjug, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

Dipper felt a gentle tug in his head. It was an invitation from Mabel to speak in a more private setting. He didn't mind speaking out loud right now; Stan didn't care what they did as long as they were in shape to perform. The driver -Dipper thought his name might be Soos- seemed too dumb to notice.

"They escaped the gnomes," Dipper said to Mabel. "I want to know how."

Mabel frowned. "You don't think...?"

"I don't know." Dipper pulled out Journal 2. There was no mention of gnomes in this one or the first journal, and even he'd had to wrangle for a solution to get rid of them. How did two magic-less kids escape?

"I suppose you'll want to investigate," Mabel said.

"I need to." Dipper looked back once more at the Lumberjug, now a pinprick on the horizon. As much as he despised Gideon and the Northwest girl, the prospect of a real mystery was tantalizing. He hadn't had a good one in such a long time.

"So if you want to investigate," a playful smile formed on Mabel's lips, "maybe it's time we bring _him_ back out."

"Not yet," Dipper said. "He needs a little more time by himself."

Mabel rolled her eyes. "Ruin all my fun, will you?"

"Sister, the longer we leave him in there, the _more_ fun it will be when we take him out," Dipper said.

Mabel did enjoy fun. Satisfied with Dipper's answer, she remained lost in her own thoughts for the rest of the ride back. Dipper had his own concerns. He'd have to rehearse for tonight's performance, something he had to actively put effort into unlike Mabel. He knew at tonight's performance he'd be there physically, but his mind would be somewhere else completely.

Dipper was going to pick those two kids apart until he figured out how they were tangled up in Gravity Falls. He didn't care what he had to do- even if it was magic. And if nothing came of his investigation... then it might be time to let _him_ out. Just not quite yet.

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 **LW ZDV GLSSHU. LQ WKH GLQLQJ URRP. ZLWK WKH JQRPHV.**

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 **A/N: Sorry about the wait on this one! Lots of school stuff this month due to finals. But there's the other half of the mystery! I hope the reveal made sense! I wanted to bring back the gnomes but not during the first story. And other creatures from canon will also be returning, along with the suspects! My only regret is not writing enough of the suspects in this half of chapter, but the plot demanded different things. Next chapter might be awhile (again, school stuff) but I'm working on it! Thanks again for all the feedback!**


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